As I lay out in my online dating guide, I think one approach that should be taken with online dating is to date as many people as as you can simultaneously. There are many reasons for this such as gaining confidence and just improving your odds by the number of people you are meeting. However, I don’t want to go over all of that again here.
Instead, I wanted to direct my readers to an article at Dating Advice From A Girl called How to Date More than One Person without being a Player. One problem with dating many people at the same time is that you do run the risk of coming off as a “player”. At the very least, if you’re not open you run the risk of having some of the people you meet have their feelings hurt.
I think I eventually learned to follow all these rules by trial and error. The only rule laid out that I didn’t follow was the rule about talking about your other dates. I was willing to talk about dates I had had in the past if I was no longer seeing that person just because sharing dating stories helped more than a few of my dates get off the ground. Sometimes in those first few minutes when you’re still measuring each other under a microscope a conversation about bad dates or just about online dating experiences, good or bad, can really help both people get out of investigation-mode and into converstation-mode. Still, the arguments made are solid and you’ll need to decide for yourself what’s off the table.
What is a VIP email message? It stands for “Very Interested Person” and this is a new type of message that Match.com is testing at the time of this writing (right now only some users are currently able to use). You should see a “Use Your VIP Email” button when you’re writing an email if you’re in the group of users who have this feature enabled.
A VIP email has a few rules and features that make it significantly different than a normal email:
You can only send one a week so use it wisely! VIP emails are awarded each Monday at midnight. If you don’t use that week VIP email, you will lose when the next Monday arrives. Match.com should send you an email if you’ve not used your VIP email and the week is about to end.
You will get a notification when your email is read.
Your VIP emails will stay at the top of their inbox until they read it and respond or until 7 days is up.
You will be marked as a VIP in the account of the person you contact such as in their Connections page. You’ll stay in these areas for 30 days.
If someone sends you a VIP email and you reply, your email will have the same features in their inbox as if you had send the original VIP message.
Recommended Usage of the VIP Email Feature
I met my wife using Match.com but this feature didn’t exist when I was using the service. Because of that, I don’t have any firsthand experience sending these but I do know how I would use them.
First, I should explain that normally when I was looking at a woman’s profile, I would have some guess as to how likely it was that she would write me back. A lot of this guessing was based on how much we had in common, her described personality, how she presented herself in her profile, how attractive she was, and my previous experiences sending emails. Obviously my first impressions weren’t always right but I got pretty good at guessing who would write back. Read more »
Little White Profile Lies
This Washington Post article discusses some of the most common lies in dating profiles: height and weight. It also states that 8 out of 10 profiles have some type of lie in it. When I was dating online I had plenty of first dates but only one where the woman I met had blatantly lied about her appearance…so if 80% of people are lying I think most of those lies must be pretty small, at least based on my experience. The article ends by suggesting the lying will lessen as dating profiles become tied more closely to social networks. An interesting thought although I’m not convinced that today’s singles want to tie their online dating life to their Facebook account (at least not openly).
Avoiding Hang Up on Age
This article discusses the increasingly popularity of “cougar” dating. The author runs a dating agency and reveals some insight into how many individuals they help are unwilling to meet people significantly older than themselves. He summed this issue up well in the article:
Yes, many guys in their 20s love to meet cougars in bars and go home with them for the night (and perhaps several other nights down the road). However, when those same guys reach the point in their lives when they want to settle down, get married, and start a family, they almost always prefer meeting women their own age or younger.
It’s also interesting to see how he has seen an increasing trend in singles looking to date people significantly younger than themselves. Read more »
A woman named Terri Carlson has created her own personal online dating service called Will Marry for Health Insurance which is exactly what it sounds like (here’s a photo of her website just in case she does find that husband and brings her site down). Terri has a medical condition that costs her $300 more than she brings in every month and her current health coverage is going to be ending soon. She claims that the only qualification she has is that the man must have the best health insurance possible. Somehow, with all the press she’s getting, I suspect she’s going to find she has a few additional qualifications.
Also, while her approach is obviously creative I suspect it as much about bringing attention to people in difficult healthcare situations as it is about her actually finding a husband. If I had to guess, I’d predict that she’ll hold off on actually marrying that husband for a little while longer. I know I would take whatever time I had: you have to assume some of the men contacting her might be…unique.
Oh, and for Terri’s sake, I hope the following story by the Onion (America’s Finest News Source) isn’t true or her plans may be ruined:
As I am frequent to complain about, finding really good dating advice can be difficult. I’ve found some good sources and I try to list them as I find them here. However far, far too many sites offer the “how to seduce a woman” type of advice that really isn’t helping anyone (excluding whoever is selling the advice, and there is almost always a price). This is the type of dating advice that discourages singles more than it helps them and it’s exactly the kind of advice that caused me to write a recent article with tips on taking advice.
I’m getting off topic though because today I want to talk about some great advice, not bad advice. This great relationship advice comes from ZenCollegeLife.com and describes how to find the guy or girl of your dreams. I know that sounds like a tall order and while taking the advice given is no guarantee to truly lead you to meeting your dream person, it does provide excellent ways to start that process. It’s interesting that this site, which isn’t devoted to dating advice at all, gives far better advice than many of the sites that allege to be providing helpful dating advice.
The article is written for the college aged individuals but the advice given in most cases will be helpful universally. Some of the advice isn’t horribly useful (I’ve already covered how advice like “Be Brave” really isn’t helping anyone) but the good far outweighs the bad. One area that I liked is the concentration paid to having the right attidude when searching for the special someone, such as having real expections and being smart with your emotions. Overall a really great read and highly recommended even if you feel you’re already on the right track.
Just wanted to wish everyone a happy Valentine’s day and remind everyone that your ability to have a great day shouldn’t be determined solely based on your relationship status. Most of the dating service deals going on will be ending today but one last one will be occurring at Lavalife tonight.
Lavalife will be allowing everyone to use their service from free from 6PM until midnight. I added this to my previous article (see above) but since it was such a late addition I wanted to mention it here. I hope you have a great day however you decide to spend it.
This is the second part of my discussion regarding online dating advice. You can find more of my thoughts behind this in the first post, on why some dating advice can be more harmful than helpful.
1. Easy Answers
In many cases there is no easy answer. The people who are selling easy answers often believe the answers are easy…even though they’re not. Their personal experience of having an easy time with a problem gives them a very wrong impression of how others will experience the same issues. If the answers to relationship issues were so easy, there would only be one book out there and we would all own it. Things to watch out for: solutions that sound too simple to be true or excessive use of words such as “seduction” and “secrets”.
2. Everyone Gets Some Things Wrong
Even great advice givers sometimes give pretty bad advice. Just because you’re reading advice from the most popular or the most trusted person on the subject doesn’t mean they’re automatically correct. I’m neither the most popular or most trusted relationship advice guy and I know I miss the mark sometimes. Each piece of advice you find should be judged on its own merit.
3. People Are More Complex Than Simple Answers
There are a lot of people who are very willing to suggest there is only a single answer for a given situation. I promise you this is not the case. People are not math problems with a right or wrong answers. Even advice that is correct 99% of the time is not a universal truth and I think most advice falls well short of this mark.
4. Those Who Give Advice For A Living
Be cautious of people who make their living giving dating advice. On one hand, these people will often have the very best advice (otherwise they wouldn’t be paid to give it). However, these people also must come off as amazingly confident (even if they’re not) and are paid to give an answer in the fewest words possible (even if more words would be better). They often give advice just to have another post or because they need some publicity. Their primary motivation can cease to be their audience and instead becomes the business of giving advice. Can you still find good advice here? Some of the best. Still, it pays to keep all the factors in mind as many times we’re inclined to follow these people blindly.
5. Your Situation Matters
When advice doesn’t work for your situation don’t assume something is wrong with you. Good advice for one person can be very bad advice for another.
6. Online Advice Will Frequently Be Too Generic
Unless you are receiving advice from someone who knows you personally, most advice is naturally going to fall short. Many times people forget this. I would encourage everyone to take all advice, including mine, with a grain of salt. Even if I were the most successful dating advice provider ever, it still doesn’t mean I know who you are or the specifics of your situation. Because advice providers don’t know your personal situation, much of the advice provided will be generic. Just because we can’t take your specific situation into account doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.
7. Charisma Is Not The Same Thing As Correct
The confidence with which a giver of advice communicates should not be a direct measure of how good that advice is. There are some very charismatic people out there who are convincing large numbers of people that something is wrong with them just because they are able to speak or write well.
8. Strategies, Not Answers
It is my opinion that truly valuable advice offers strategies not answers. To me, a strategy on ways to better handle rejection over time is far more valuable than telling people they’re wrong for experiencing an emotion and then explaining that this, in itself, is the “answer”.
9. Advice Should Shape, Not Define
Don’t let other people’s opinion’s rule your decisions. Advice should help shape your decisions not define them. At the end of the day you must decide for yourself what the best choices will be. The truth of life is that in the advice giving business, none of us know as much as we want to appear to (including this guy). Marriage counselors get divorced, psychologists take anti-depressants, doctors misdiagnose patients, and dating advice providers find themselves the cause of many bad dates. Sometimes we put too much faith in others and not enough in ourselves.
10. Because Nine Isn’t Enough
Be wary of advice offered in lists of 10. Sometimes people might only be able think of 9 tips but feel that ending with 9 is stupid so will add a worthless one on at the end. I wouldn’t know anything about that sort of thing, by the way.
I believe there is wisdom in seeking advice from others who have had experience. However, I’ve talked to many people who have felt hopeless by the advice they’ve been given because they didn’t fit the mold presented to them. No one knows your exact situation – never forget this. I had amazing success as a shy guy when all the books and sites said I would only find my wife if I became confident. Thank God they were wrong and thank God I (eventually) realized it!
There is a lot of dating advice out there and much of it tries to make your dating problems sound as if they are the easiest thing to solve in the world. Recently I was shown a video of a very handsome man giving dating advice on how everyone should just “get over” rejection. By looking at him it became clear that he had done most of the rejecting in his dating life (he made comments that further strengthened this suspicion). It was also clear that he believed what he was saying. However, if he doesn’t understand rejection nearly as well as the people he’s speaking to, this puts him at a serious disadvantage for offering valuable advice on the subject.
To put it another way, if I go to the gym to lose weight, I would prefer that my trainer be someone who was at one time overweight. I want someone who understands both the struggle and the success. It’s far too easy for somebody with the metabolism of a hummingbird to tell people how easy it is to lose weight and that they’re just not trying hard enough.
In the past, I’ve taken dating advice that tried to make my situation sound like a simple talking-point when it really wasn’t. I’m a very shy man. Any date I’ve ever been on has involved either me or someone who cares about me putting in some real effort. I struggled with rejection for many, many years and avoided putting myself in any type of situation where I might be rejected by a woman. I also took plenty of advice from plenty of people who thought my problems were oh-so-easy to fix (those people were wrong).
I overcame my fear of rejection but advice that says “just get over it” provided zero value in helping me accomplish that. In fact, this type of advice only made me feel depressed, as if something was wrong with me. Some of this advice almost drove me away from online dating entirely. I was convinced that I was failing when in retrospect the advice was just bad, at least for my situation.
What I’ve found with my own experience and while searching for valuable content for my readers is that so much of the advice out there is given in such a way that it has the possibility to hurt peoples chances as much as it helps. If I offer advice that convinces a single person that something is wrong with them causing them to stop dating, I’ve had the opposite affect I should be having. With that in mind, in my next article in this series I’d like to offer some of my thoughts on taking advice and recognizing the good from the bad.
Posted on February 10th, 2010 by Brad
Category: dating articles
A few months ago I wrote a series of articles on avoiding online dating scams. One of the scams I discussed was the 419 scam. This involves the scammer convincing their target to send them money for one reason or another. With online dating it will often be the scam will often involve the person you are communicating with needing financial help for a troubling situation or because they want to meet you. For a recent example of this, check out this recent Wall Street Journal article that discusses men being swindled on millionaire dating sites. From that article:
One Austin, Texas, man sent the fraudster more than $10,000 after “Bree” said via email and phone conversations that she was having financial difficulties. Yes, it can be that easy.
As I emphasized in my series, any time money comes into the picture you need to be suspicious.
At any rate, back to the main reason for this post. An article has been posted over at Scam Detectives that includes an interview of a man who was running some of the 419 scams out of Nigeria (a very popular country for this type of scam). The article is an interesting read as it’s eye opening to see where these scammers are coming from. As the scammer reported, they would get very few responses:
Maybe 9 or 10 out of every thousand emails. Then maybe 1 out of every 20 replies would lead to us getting money out of the victim in the end.
So 1 out of every 2,000 people they contact is falling for their tricks. That may seem like bad odds but as is revealed in the article, it was enough that the scammer was living the good life (including his own BMW!). For anyone actively participating in online activities, dating or otherwise, it’s a good idea to keep yourself in the know on how scams are being perpetrated. I’d recommend reading all of the available parts to this interview.
Also, note that in the WSJ article the scammer was actually able to disguise his voice as a woman’s before asking for money. Remember: never send money when online dating…it’s a very bad sign if someone asks you for any money at all. Always keep this in mind whether you’ve heard “her” voice or not.
Posted on February 9th, 2010 by Brad
Category: promotions
Several services are offering specials for this upcoming Valentine’s Day. I should mention that I find out about most of these deals because I’m signed up for dozens of dating services for the purpose of receiving these types of emails. I’m making the assumption that the deals I’m being emailed are available to everyone (I feel that this is a safe assumption). Still, you’ll want to verify the promotion is actually available if decide to sign up. I’ll add additional promotions to this post as I hear about them.
eHarmony Free Communication Event eHarmony is have a 5-day free event starting on Feb. 11th and running until Feb. 15th. I spoke about this in detail in my previous post.
Christian Cafe 25% Off Christian Cafe is having a promotion of up-to 25% off subscriptions to current non-paying members. I think this will apply to those creating a new account but you will have to verify that there is a discount price on the membership page if you sign up. One plus with this service is that Christian Cafe always provides the first 10-days for free to new members. It’s not clear but it’s likely that this promotion will expire at the end of February 14th.
CatholicMatch – 60% off 6-month subscription CatholicMatch is have a promotion for their 6-month subscription plan offering it at 60% off the normal price (use promo code VAL10). This brings the price to average out to be $9.95 a month. I normally discourage signing up for more than 3-months at a time but this 6-month price is only a few dollars more than the normal 3-month price. If you find this service has promise for you, I’d say this discount price makes it the exception to my normal rule. The promotion appears at the end of February 14th.
CatholicMatch – 15% off all subscriptions
The second promotion I’ve heard of from CatholicMatch is a 15% off promotion. Use the promo code VALENTINE when signing up. This promotion should be good until February 28th 2010.
Lavalife – Free to Use Valentine’s Evening Lavalife will be free to use on Valentine’s Day from 6pm to midnight. These free hours run based on your local time so it should be free for everyone at these hours regardless of your timezone. Lavalife will allow you to email as many people as you want, chat and otherwise use the service fully during these hours.
Know of a good deal for Valentine’s Day that I don’t have listed here? Feel free to drop me a line.
Posted on February 9th, 2010 by Brad
Category: promotions
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, eHarmony is having a free weekend from February 11th to February 15th 2010. This should actually be considered a free event since it runs 5 days instead of the more common 3 days.
This free event has the opportunity to be one of the bigger free weekends at eHarmony considering the timing so if you’ve never signed up, now might be a good time to try. As I’ve recommended in the past, I think it’s best to sign up a little before the free weekend so you can get more matches as others sign up over the free days. In other words, if you plan on signing up I’d recommend that you not delay until the actual first free day.
For those new to the free weekend, normally eHarmony allows you to create your personality profile and view other profiles but you are not permitted to communicate with anyone. On these free weekends, the entire service is at your disposal. This is great since the service is unique in its communication process but most people don’t get to experience that before they pay. These free weekends provide a nice way to test-drive the service and see if it meets your needs. If all this is new to you, I talk about the pro’s and con’s of this type of service in my online dating guide.
This Free Communication Weekend officially begins at 12:01AM on Thursday, February 11th and ends at 11:59PM on Monday, February 15th. This event is open to both the US and Canada.
Posted on February 8th, 2010 by Brad
Category: technology
I had a nasty surprise for me tonight when I realized none of my posts were available on my blog (the one you’re looking at now!). I could log into WordPress and see everything but my posts showed a count of zero (scary!). My first thought was to restore my latest backup only to realize my backup didn’t run this week. I did have the backup from last week so I logged into phpMyAdmin and this is where I found the actual problem. When I clicked on the wp_posts table, I received the following error:
#144 – Table ‘./wp_posts’ is marked as crashed and last (automatic?) repair failed
By no means am I a mysql expert. I’m still not sure why this even happened. However, this was actually not very difficult to correct in my case (once I found the cause and a few mysql forums) and I wanted to share the steps I went through to correct this:
1. Sign into your phpMyAdmin account
2. Click on your database name on the left
3. Then click on SQL in the tabs on the top
4. In the query box enter: repair table wp_posts and then click Go. (note: you’ll need to replace wp_posts with whatever table you are having an issue with if it’s not this table)
For me this took a little while to finish (probably less than one minute). After that, things were working well again. Obviously, this isn’t going to work in every case but if you’re lucky like I was, maybe it will. I’m still a little nervous as to why this happened in the first place but at least I now have an up-to-date backup if it happens again!
Posted on February 8th, 2010 by Brad
Category: dating advice
I found an interesting article that proposes a math equation for suggesting the age of people you should be willing to date. I really liked this idea although as the person’s age increases, the less correct this equation seems. I really thought it worked well at the lower age ranges but in the 40s things started to get a little excessive first for the upper limit and then later for the lower limit as well.
For example, my dad happens to be 57 years old. The equation given would suggest that his optimal dating range would be between 36.5 and 100. While I could see my dad dating someone around 37 (although he’s married so he won’t be!) I just couldn’t imagine him having anything in common with someone who was 100.
With that in mind, I decided to try my hand at an equation by adding a hard cap to to both the upper and lower limit. Things still aren’t perfect but the ranges seem more reasonable. The new equation (created using excel) is:
Lower Limit
=IF(YOUR_AGE – SUM((YOUR_AGE/2)+7) > 20, YOUR_AGE-20, SUM((YOUR_AGE/2)+7)) (rounded down when a fraction)
For the lower limit, I’m checking if the lower range is more than 20 years younger than YOUR_AGE and if it is I’m capping it at 20 years younger. The same concept is applied to the upper limit. Here’s what my initial results look like:
This is just one section of the entire results and you can download the entire excel sheet here. While it’s not perfect (it’s still hard for me to imagine my dad dating someone who is 77) I do think the limits look better with the artificial caps applied.
Again, you can see the original article that this discussed this idea in detail over at Insatiable Hee. As that article points out, you should date the person who makes you happy (regardless of age) and I made this chart out of interest for the topic, not as some kind of rule that I think should be followed without question.
Posted on February 6th, 2010 by Brad
Category: promotions
Chemistry is having another free communication weekend, this weekend Friday February 5th through Sunday February 7th. I apologize for being really late on this one but between finding out late, a huge snowstorm and no internet access this is the earliest I was able to get this out. Still, if you’ve signed up in the past you could log into your account for the rest of the weekend if this is the first you’re hearing about it.
Posted on February 6th, 2010 by Brad
Category: dating advice
Something that’s been around for a while (especially in Japan) but that I’ve only heard about recently is something called group dating. This works exactly like it sounds it would: a group of single men go out on a date with an equal number of single women.
In many ways, this is something that happens naturally at times but in this case it will be planned. As an example, there are plenty of times where a group of guys and a group of girls end up spending an evening together at a bar or club because one member of each group knew each other. I know that when I was in this type of situation it was always a fun evening. Services that offer this type of dating are aiming to recreate this type of situation through planning instead of by chance.
I wanted to talk about what I’ve found regarding this type of dating and give some opinions. My opinion is that, overall, this does appear to be a very valid option for dating. I assume most people who want to pursue this type of dating will have to do so online as arranging this type of meeting would be difficult other wise.
The Good
First, you have many opportunities to meet people in a single night. We’ve all been on that bad date where we knew within the first few minutes that it just wasn’t going to work out. On a group date, even when you have this feeling you may have four or five more chances to meet someone you do get along with that night.
You should get a better feel for the people you’re meeting as they should be more comfortable while with their friends. This is nice as on many first dates nerves can cause some people to give very bad (and incorrect) first impressions.
Some claim this provides safety in numbers. As someone who used online dating a lot, I don’t feel like online dating is a very dangerous activity. Still, there is some truth that you’ll be safer with a group a friends than when completely alone.
Even if you don’t have a great connection with anyone, the night should still be fun. You’ll have plenty to talk about with your friends afterward and there should be less opportunity for awkward moments at the end of the night.
The Bad
You’ll be with your friends. I know, that’s supposed to be a good thing for this type of dating but I think that really depends on your friends. If you have friends who love to see you squirm or might reveal more than you would on a first date, you could end up with some mild embarrassment.
It’s not an exceptionally popular way of dating in many places today. As I mentioned above, this type of dating is very popular in Japan but not so much in North America. Still, there are services such as Ignighter which should help make this easier.
You’ll have to convince your single friends this is worth a try. This may not be all that hard but I think some people may have a harder time selling this than others.
Last but definitely not least is you’ll be competing with your friends for the same singles. While I’m sure this could end fine in many cases, I suspect there could be some anger and hurt feelings in some situations. It may be best to do something like drawing lots before the group date so that if two (or more) of your friends like the same person there can be a pre-defined order of who has priority. Maybe I’m over-thinking things but I always say better safe than sorry.
While group dating is new to me it’s not entirely new. With the internet enabling so many different methods of social interaction I’m interested to see where this type of dating goes.
Posted on February 4th, 2010 by Brad
Category: dating advice
Strangely enough, this situation seems to happen more often than I would expect: after finding a serious relationship some men still keep their online dating profile active. The explanations for this are pretty weak but these men always make the argument that there’s some good reason to keep their profile active.
If you’re a woman who has found herself in this situation, I think you have a problem on your hands. It may not mean he’s cheating but I do think it means he’s not taking the relationship as seriously as he should be. The primary reason to keep an online dating profile active is simple: the desire to meet people. Now there could be other reasons. Maybe he just likes having his ego stroked when women flirt with him. This is a problem since he’s not in a position to be flirting!
Reasons This Might Happen
Here are all the reasons I could think of for a man to keep a profile active while he’s in a relationship. None of these are a good thing:
1. He’s not sure that he likes his current relationship.
2. He likes to flirt and be flirted with.
3. He may not flirt but likes the idea that women like him.
4. He’s looking to cheat.
5. He’s looking to meet or talk to women for some other reason I’ve not thought of.
How Can I Fix This Situation?
First, I think you need to take serious consideration in the fact that he’s not as committed to your relationship as he should be. This doesn’t mean that he’s going to cheat on you or break up immediately but it can’t be seen as a good thing. At the very least, this action is a serious sign of disrespect. If you’re his woman, he should appreciate that and shouldn’t be pulling this kind of thing. It’s along the lines of a boyfriend who continues to talk to the ex that he just broke up with and I think it’s reasonable to ask him to stop.
If you’re not comfortable asking him to stop, I have one other recommendation. Create an account on the same site and communicate with him. If it’s a free site, I’d suggest sending an email about mundane things: “Hey, did you want to watch that movie tonight?” If it’s not a free site, wink at him or use whatever free communication the site offers.
The point is to get him to recognize that you have a profile as well and hopefully this will help him realize that it doesn’t feel good when the person you’re dating is putting themselves out there in a singles community. If pressed, your excuse for using the site should be the same as his. If this process doesn’t help, I’d then recommend talking about the men who are contacting you: “You should see the email this weird guy sent me today!” would be an example.
Finally, if he still doesn’t get the idea I’d suggest that you keep using your dating profile until you find a man who will treat you with the respect you deserve and end things with this guy. You might care a great deal for this man but his actions suggests he cares less for you than he should.
Posted on February 3rd, 2010 by Brad
Category: dating advice
As I remember all too well, spending Valentine’s Day alone can be a painful process. Spending it alone for a few years in a row only makes things worse. I wanted to share some thoughts since the date is quickly approaching and I know that there were more than a few years I hated that the holiday even existed.
It’s as Much About Money as Love
It’s a man-made holiday and is really no different than the 13th or the 15th. Today the holiday is as much about making companies money as it is about couples in love. As Wikipedia points out:
The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas.
Find the Day Motivating, Not Depressing
Many singles will see Valentine’s day coming and will become motivated to find a relationship. Unfortunately, finding that special someone isn’t always easy and when the 14th comes and goes many people will feel depressed or see themselves as a relationship failure. I would recommend that instead of taking an attitude of defeat, use this date to become motivated. It’s hard to find someone in a few weeks but if you hate spending Valentine’s Day alone then use that emotion to fuel your motivation to meet someone. Commit to a realisitic time frame (at least a few months) and then stay faithful to the promise that you make to yourself.
Being Prepared for the Day
If you’re reading this prior to Valentine’s Day arriving, it’s a good idea to make plans for that day. You could try hanging out with other single friends, finding single events on a site such as Meetup.com, or even spending time with family can all be great distractions and a nice way to pass the day. If you’re reading this on Valentine’s Day and feel that you’ll be unable to make plans or plan to sit alone for the evening, I would recommend that instead you sign up for a dating service, such as OKCupid. It’s free and if spending the evening alone makes you feel miserable what better way to start to try and change your life than taking action immediately.
While Valentine’s Day is considered to be a holiday for couples, remember that you are well worth loving. Just because you haven’t found the person for you yet doesn’t mean you won’t. Don’t turn Valentine’s Day into a holiday of hate where you beat yourself up for 24-hours. Instead, keep it a holiday of love even if you’re alone this year. Recognize that you will end up in a relationship if you put in the effort and that, really, it’s just another day.
As I discuss in my online dating guide, I think it’s best to be prepared for the worst when going on a first date. By no means did all of my online first dates go bad (many went great) but there were more than a few that I expected to go well that went horribly. As I’ve suggested, I think the best approach is to tell the person you’ll be meeting that you will only be available for a short time – an hour should work well. This way, if things go poorly you’ll already be able to excuse yourself gracefully and if things go great you can simply tell your date “Now that we’ve met, I think I’d prefer to spend the rest of the evening with you”.
An alternative to this approach I found this week is a service called getmooh.com which stands for “Get Me Out of Here!” This service allows you to schedule calls that will be placed to your phone with pre-recorded messages that will give you the appearance of having a real conversation when you answer the phone. You can then use this “real” conversation as a way to excuse yourself from the rest of the evening.
I still think that proper preparation before the date is the best approach (it’s much more honest). However, if you didn’t plan properly and find yourself in a situation, you might be able to take advantage of getmooh, especially if you enter the scheduled call from your mobile phone while on said bad date.
The service can be used for many situations, not just first dates. And it might be your only option in impromptu situations where no planning was involved. Also, the service is free today but I wouldn’t expect that to last forever. Maybe it will, I just wouldn’t count on it.
Last month a California court ruled that eHarmony will have to do more to promote its gay and lesbian dating services. I’ve been reading this story around the internet and it seems that many people are suggesting that eHarmony will now accept gay and lesbian singles into their main site. However, after reading some articles I’m pretty sure that this is not the case.
From the article:
The proposed settlement would require eHarmony to display its gay and lesbian dating services more prominently.
The way this is worded, it sounds to me that part of the complaint is that eHarmony is making no effort to make users aware of CompatiblePartners.net, the service it offers for gay and lesbian singles. The ruling in this case seems to say they have to promote this secondary service more, not integrate all users into a single service. I checked out eHarmony’s welcome page to try to find what the article was referring to and this is what I saw (at the bottom of the sign-up screen):
I think the main outcome we’ll see is that in a short time we’ll see another link on the site (in the list above) for gay and lesbian dating which will take people who click on it to their other site. Maybe I’m wrong…it would seem strange to have a lawsuit just to get a small link on the welcoming page. Although, it is worth pointing out that the links are only part of the settlement:
The firm also would establish a $2 million settlement fund, with about $500,000 set aside for gay, lesbian and bisexual Californians who can show they were harmed by eHarmony’s policies.
At this point, I’m not sure what good eHarmony welcoming gays and lesbians would do. They’ve explicitly rejected them for years…I don’t expect that gays or lesbians are exactly clamoring to get in.
One other thought: based on the ruling of this case, would the law that prevents businesses from discriminating on sexual orientation also affect gay/lesbian dating sites in that they would now be required to host services for heterosexuals as well? Almost definitely not as the case was a civil lawsuit but it does bring up the thought. At any rate, even with all the claims flying around about eHarmony now accepting gay and lesbian singles, I personally don’t expect much to change. We’ll see a new link but what does that amount to, really? Maybe I’m wrong – it seems like everyone else is saying there will only be a single service at some point. I guess only time will tell.
Poll: Men More Than Women Get Depressed After Breakup
An article discusses poll results from Date.com…results that I found to be rather shocking statistics (I guess since I’m a guy). Apparently, 85 percent of men suffer some form of depression and have difficulty getting back into dating after a break-up. Compared this to only 8 percent of women! A very interesting read and I have to admit I never handled break-ups very well.
Meeting Others When You Are Single Parent
A single dad is concerned with ways to meet single women when they seem so rare. I really liked this advice because so often advice givers are far more concerned with being right than they are with helping the person seeking help but this advice is open and straight-forward. The article and it’s comments offer different ideas all worth reading.
Are There Plenty of Fish in the Sea?
This article discusses the usefulness of online dating services and I find I agree with the conclusion that was reached: online dating is very useful as long as you are aware of the problems that you are likely to encounter. The article also includes some interesting online dating statistics.
