Where Should You Begin with Dating Online?

The first step I think everyone (not just seniors!) should take to become comfortable with online dating is to sign-up for several online dating services. There is no need to subscribe or pay – just try out as many free features as you can. Many people will consider trying an online dating service, sometimes for years, before they actually give it a shot. The only way you are going to know if it will work for you is if you try! There are several services I recommend:

• Match.com: Match.com is one of the biggest and oldest online dating sites. It happens to be the service where I met my wife so I may be a little biased towards it. You can read a full review and step-by-step how-to on Match.com in my article How Does Match.com Work?

• eHarmony: eHarmony is another great online dating site although is has a very different approach to how you find your dates. Instead of picking and choosing like at Match.com, eHarmony provides you with customized matches to fit your personality. You can find a full guide to eHarmony in my post How Does eHarmony Work?

• OKCupid: OKCupid is my favorite free online dating service. Many of the free dating services aren’t much more than one big advertisement for other dating services but OKCupid is the real deal.

Why Sign Up for Multiple Dating Services?
Many people assume that all dating services are exactly the same and that is a mistake I made myself. Not all services are the same and you may find you prefer one service much more than another. If you a brand new to the world of online dating, I think it is worth the time and effort to try several services. I listed my favorites above but you should try the services that sound the most interesting to you.

Photo by linh_rom

Your Online Dating Profile

Creating your online dating profile can be difficult your first time around. I recommend that you be as specific as possible in your dating profile. List general statements that everyone else includes in their profile is a bad idea because you won’t stand out. I wrote and extensive guide on creating your online dating profile for the first time in my article Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation Guide.

Getting Your Photo in Your Online Dating Profile
Having a photo in your profile is very important. If you already have photos on your computer, this should be an relatively process (each dating service should walk you through these steps). If you do not have a photo on your computer its best to find either a friend with a digital camera to help you or failing that finding someone who can help you scan a physical photo of youself. As a last resort, you can go to Kinkos witha physical photo of yourself and request that they put it on CD for you. If they start asking technical questions just tell them you want to be able to put it on a site like Facebook. Once you have it on CD, you can place that in your computer and then use the photo in you profile.

Senior Specific Dating Sites

There are many online dating sites specifically for seniors, such as SeniorFriendFinder. These services are nice since you will see only other seniors. This type of dating site is considered a niche dating site because of this. Many niche dating sites offer enormous value because the niche is so specific. However, there are so many seniors dating online today (it’s the quickest growing segment) that I’m not convinced that a niche dating site is necessary. There are so many seniors dating it almost isn’t really a niche any more. That said, if you’re more comfortable with a senior specific dating site then by all means use that service.

Be Aware of Online Dating Scams!

As with almost everything in life these days, there are people looking to take advantage of others who are using online dating. The most common way they do this is by pretending to be interested in you but for some reason (such as temporarily being in another country) will be unable to meet you. They will then have an emergency and will ask you for money. Any time anyone on a dating site asks you for money, for any reason at all, there is a very good chance you are dealing the a scam. Always remember this!

Using a WebCam

It is common to use a webcam to communicate before meeting. If you are not familiar with WebCams, they allow the person you are talking to see you. If they have a webcam then you’ll be able to see them as well and the communication can be more interesting and fun. Many dating services even have built-in features to allow you to use a webcam. I don’t see a webcam as necessary it is a benefit to have one, especially if you begin to communicate with someone who would like to have a video chat with you. Understandably, many people dating online feel more comfortable about meeting after they’ve had more personalize communication than emails and webcams can offer this quite well.

If you’re looking for a webcam I would recommend the Logitech Webcam C500 – it has a pretty good price compared to many webcams, it has a built-in microphone so you can also talk with it, and it has great reviews.

Still Not Quite Comfortable with Online Dating?

If you still find online dating to be intimidating or too impersonal, you could try another service such as Meetup.com. Meetup is a website where people with similar interests can find each other and…meet up! You can find groups near where you live, even groups such as senior singles groups, and meet people that way. This might provide a nice stepping stone for those uncomfortable with online dating as you will still be using the internet to meet people.

Interested in Finding More Help?

If you are interesting in more information on online dating, I provide a free online dating guide which has over 100-pages describing every area of online dating in great detail. Several areas covered in this article are discussed even further in that guide.

Related posts:

1. Updates to the Free Online Dating Guide
2. Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation Guide
3. 2010 Online Dating Service Pricing Guide

Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation Guide
The Right Way to Encourage Contact in your Dating Profile
Does Your Dating Profile Heading Say What You Think It Does?
What Is A Good User Name for Online Dating Services?
First Dating Questions and Conversation Starters
My Date Doesn’t Ask Me Any Questions
Being Boring on a Date: How to Avoid or Correct It
Who Should Pay on the First Date?
Should I Lose Weight Before Dating Online?
Is eHarmony Worth the Price?
OKCupid Dating Guide
Match.com Questions and Answers

Additionally, a new section that doesn’t exist on the website was added to the beginning of the guide encouraging some specific actions be taken for those serious about finding success dating online.

Related posts:

1. Senior’s Guide To Online Dating
2. OKCupid Dating Guide – The Best Free Dating Around
3. 2010 Online Dating Service Pricing Guide

You say you’re looking for a 20-something college graduate who is looking to settle down but you’re contacted by a 19-year old high school drop out who wants you to know that he would “hit dat”. You say you’re interested in finding someone around your age to hang out with and someone 20 years older than you wants you to know that you’re beautiful. Flattering but also annoying.

Why Is This Happening?

The main reason you’re going to get contact like this is that some men don’t read profiles at all. They browse photos and if they find the woman attractive, they immediately email her. No reading occurs at all. Their process is based on the same tactic that an email spammer would use. Most people don’t fall for email spam but by sending out thousands of emails, the spammers only need one or two people to be tricked. Same thing with these guys. They’re looking for that one woman out of 100 that will respond. To be more honest, they’re looking for that one woman who will end up having sex with them after one compliment.

When I was dating online, I remember talking to a woman on a first date about some of the strange things we had seen while online dating. She explained how a man had sent her the same exact email every so often. He didn’t even try to avoid sending it to the same women (and really he couldn’t avoid it since he wasn’t even looking at who he was contacting). She also mentioned that he never bothered to change the text of his email.

How Should A Woman Handle This?

Just like email spam, what you can do about this is rather limited. First, don’t feel like you need to respond to these guys who are obviously contacting you without reading your profile. As a matter of fact, it would be a big mistake to write these guys back unless you’re looking to sleep around. The fact that you have requirements is a good thing and guys pulling this sort of thing should be rejected without a second thought. If you are able to block the user, that would be better because many of these men will continue to try to contact you repeatedly.

Are You On Plenty of Fish?
If you are on Plenty of Fish and this is happening, I’m not surprised. I suspect there is far more of this type of communication from men on Plenty of Fish than there is real communication. The sites I recommend are Match.com and eHarmony but if you’re looking for a free site I think OKCupid is the best one available. Sometimes the best way to fight this kind of communication is to find sites that don’t allow it (or at least actively try to prevent it).

Related posts:

1. Should I Reject or Ignore Unwanted Contact on Dating Sites?
2. Internet Dating: Profile Views vs. Actual Interest
3. The Right Way to Encourage Contact in Your Dating Profile

First, let’s look at a quick comparison of the two services as discussed in the previous articles:

Which Service is Best for Me?

Each service has very strong qualities in different areas and these differences should be taken into consideration when choosing your service. To determine the best service, you really need to take your own situation into account. Below, different situations are presented and the best service for that situation is given with reasoning why.

Services are recommended based on the following situations:
If You Are New to Online Dating
If You Live in a Low Population Area
If You Struggle with Shyness
If You Are Most Interested in Dating Many People
If You Are Looking for Marriage
If You Are Most Concerned with Cost
If Your Religion is Your Top Priority

Brand New to Online Dating
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If you are new to online dating and are nervous or unsure of how to approach it, eHarmony is a great choice. The communication process at eHarmony actually creates a situation where you really feel as if you’re getting to know the person you are communicating with. It takes much of the guess work out of the communication process which is a huge help in the beginning. Also, while you will likely have less people to contact at eHarmony, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing for those new to online dating who are interested in taking things a bit slower.

Singles Living in Low Population Areas
Recommended Site: Match.com
If you live in an area that has a lower population and you’re not willing to travel more than 30 miles to meet other singles, Match.com is the better choice of the two. Match’s open communication system will allow you to contact exactly who you want. eHarmony’s matching system is a great strength but in this situation the system will provide very few matches which results in very few opportunities.

vs.

Shy Individuals Trying Online Dating
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If you’re a shy person, eHarmony is a great choice. It provides the structure that many shy people need to feel comfortable. If you’re a shy person and you sign up at Match.com, you may struggle to contact as many people as you should to have real success. With eHarmony, the communication process is controlled enough that it’s very simple even for the shyest among us to get the conversation started.

Interest in Dating as Many People as Possible
Recommended Site: Match.com
Match.com is the clear winner in this category. Not everyone is anxious to settle down but some are more interested in meeting other singles and are simply looking to enjoy a health dating life. Match.com provides everything these people would need with one of the largest pool of singles to choose from and the ability to communicate how you wish. As I’ll talk in the next point, eHarmony has a substantial number of singles looking for long-term relationships and if you’re not at that point in your life, Match is absolutely the better option.

Seriously Looking for Marriage or Long-Term Relationships
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If you are looking to settle down into a marriage, eHarmony is the best choice. The first reason is that this is exactly what the service was originally created for: creating long-term, successful relationships. Additionally, most singles know that eHarmony is aimed at creating marriages which in turn attracts more people who are looking for exactly that. This creates a service that is attracting more marriage-minded singles because…it’s attracting more marriage minded singles!

Dating with Religion as the #1 Priority
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If religion is your number one priority, eHarmony is in most cases a better choice. The reason is that as a part of signing up, you tell eHarmony not only your religious affiliation, but how important your religion is to you. You then provide information on how important it is to you that your dates share your faith. At Match.com, people often pick religions based on what their parents believe or for other reasons without any real interest or following of the selected faith.

Note that your faith is one of the areas that you can go back and change later so if you’ve already signed up for eHarmony but wish you had been more or less strict with your religious matching just go to “My Settings” and then “Background and Beliefs”.

Related posts:

1. 2010 Online Dating Service Pricing Guide
2. Match.com and Yahoo! Personals to be One Dating Service
3. How Does Match.com Work?

Thoughts on the eHarmony Profile

eHarmony is known for its long sign-up time but that’s part of the service. The long sign-up process is based on determining your personality and then providing all your matches based on the results of this personality test.

Before I discuss the individual areas of the profile creation, let me make a suggestion. With eHarmony, you must be as honest as possible. Painfully honest if necessary. It is very easy to answer a question in a less than accurate way because you want to be more inclusive with the people you will be matched with. You’re worried that if you say you leave your room messy some people won’t be interested in you so you say that you leave your room clean. This is a bad idea because the test is meant to help you find that person who doesn’t mind that the room is messy! This is an arbitrary example but the point is you must be honest in your profile. Your entire experience on eHarmony will be based on how you answer these questions so you need to take this very seriously.

Creating Your Profile at eHarmony – Part 1

Your personality profile is first up and the majority of this section will be answering multiple choice questions along with a few sections where you will type descriptions of yourself. Below I’ll briefly describe a majority of the sections you will be filling out.

Congratulations! You’re done at this point…sort of. When I went through this process it took about 30 minutes (although I was distracted a few times). You’ll be shown a screen with subscription options. As with Match.com, this screen can be confusing the first time it is viewed because it looks like you need to sign up. You don’t. Just click on the View Your Matches link to move on. With any luck, you’ll immediately have matches to review. I received 7 matches when signing up which is a fair number.

Hold on before you start looking at your matches because you’re not done with your profile yet! I’m not sure why eHarmony separates the profile creation into two separate sections but they do. Maybe the point is to help people get through the initial sign-up process which can be tiresome to someone new to online dating. At any rate, on to the next part.

Creating Your Profile at eHarmony – Part 2

If you are on your matches screen, click About Me at the top of the screen. You can change your basic settings (like height, occupation, etc) and can also add more photos in this area. However, to finish the profile the “In My Own Words” and “Values” sections need to be completed

In My Own Words
This is the area where you will build the bulk of the text in your profile The text areas you filled in during your first part of your profile creation will be included in what people can see of you but these sections will fill in the rest. eHarmony is very unique in the questions they have you complete for your profile. Instead of the traditional “About Me” or “About My Date” boxes, they have you answer specific questions that will reveal who you are. The following are the questions that you are asked to complete:

• Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

• What is the most important quality you are looking for in another person?
• Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
• What is the ONE thing that people DON’T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
• What are five things that you “can’t live without?”
• Describe the last book you read and enjoyed.

As you can see, these are not what people have come to expect with online dating profile sections but they get the job done and they may actually encourage better profiles. This is because when presented with a blank page to fill in anything about themselves, many people fill in hardly anything at all. With these specific sections specified, more people may fill in additional information about themselves than they would have normally.

Values
Values are split into two areas: “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands”. The “Must Haves” is a checklist for you to select attributes that you like for your date to have. This section includes items such as Chemistry, Verbal Intimacy, Strong Character, and Artisticness to name a few. In line with this, “Can’t Stands” are qualities you do not want to have in a person that you date. Examples in the “Can’t Stands” list include Anger, Lying, Vanity and Laziness.

Again, it’s best to be as honest as you can be.

Communicating with Other Singles

Obviously the first step is to view profiles and then to contact the people you are most interested in. Once you decide to contact someone, the process below will begin. It is worth noting that whoever starts the communication process gets to go first in each of the steps described below.

Step One: Closed-Ended Questions
The first step is to send each other closed-ended questions. These questions are multiple choice and generally easy to answer. They should help reveal more about your match and you’ll choose five of these questions to send. As a part of this step you’ll also send answers to the five questions they asked of you. As an example, the following is one of the closed-ended questions you can ask:

In addition to the default answers, you can also answer with your own words in a provided text box.

Step Two: You Trade Your 10 “Must Haves” and 10 “Can’t Stands”
The second round of communication consists of reviewing and exchanging your personal list of “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands” with your match. In my experience, this step goes by very quickly as there isn’t much for either of you to do at this point aside from reading their selections (and making sure you’re still interested).

Step Three: Open-Ended Questions
The next step of eHarmony’s communication process is to write each other three open-ended questions. eHarmony does provide some samples you can choose from but be sure to ask the questions you really want answered. This is a good opportunity to find out exactly what you want to know, not what eHarmony suggests you should want to know.

Step Four: Emailing Each Other
This is the last step and from here on out communication will work the same within the eHarmony: you’ll send each other emails including whatever you would like in them. Normally at this point I had many things I wanted to talk with the woman about because of the eHarmony communication process. The process is great but for every question answered during the process you’ll think of several more that you will have to wait for this stage to find out more about.

As I described in my online dating guide, I think you should schedule the first date sooner rather than later. Three or four emails and then I think you should be talking about meeting. eHarmony’s communication process can cause some people to stop making decisions since each stage is controlled for you. The last stage (actually meeting) will require one of you to move things along without eHarmony’s assistance. This may sound obvious but just keep it in mind.

Unique Features to eHarmony

ProfileAdvisor: This feature allows you to get a professional writer from eHarmony to help you better express the real you in your profile. This will run you around $100 (ouch).

SecureCall: This allows you to talk with others on your phone anonymously (in other words, they can’t get your phone number and you don’t have theirs). You can control who can call you and who can’t and which phones the calls will be routed to. $5.95 a month.

RelyID: RelyID is basically a background check. It give an extra degree of comfort to those who are communicating with you as it shows you are who you say you are. $5.95 a year.

Premium Personality Profile: This is an expanded version of the personality profile taken when signing up up at eHarmony. This is for you personally and won’t help directly with those you are looking to meet at the site (although it may help indirectly if it helps you identify areas of growth I guess). $19.99 one-time fee.

Other Random Thoughts on eHarmony

• You can’t see any photos unless you sign up. I think this is a mistake as I believe that eHarmony should at least show a single photo as this could actually encourage people to sign up…but that’s just me.

• Icebreakers allow you to send a message for free even if you aren’t paying. Icebreakers are very difficult for me to understand. If you’re not paying, there is little reason to send them unless you want to see if someone replies before you sign up. Once you’re a member though, I don’t know how these would be used. The communication process is so controlled within eHarmony I think these would only slow things down.

Subscribing to eHarmony

Subscribing is straight-forward process although there are a few different options. I think it is again worth mentioning my thoughts on the appropriate amount of time to sign up for. eHarmony bases most of its saving off of signing up for a full year. A year is excessive but if you can stick with it, the plan would save you a substantial amount of money. There are also coupons you can use for further savings:

eHarmony Promotion Codes – Save Up to 20%

Often when you sign up, eHarmony will have a package that will include other promotions if you sign up for a full year. Occasionally these savings add up enough that they do make the 12 month subscription a very good deal. I also believe that you can use the promotions above with the other offers eHarmony presents.

One thing I always mention when discussing signing up at dating service is the fact that most (all?) dating services will automatically renew you for the same plan you are currently subscribed with. This means if you signed up for a year, when the year is up they’ll renew your subscription for another year. My suggestion is this: if you sign up for a long time period immediately cancel your subscription after doing so. This won’t prevent you from using the service (you’re paid up until your time runs out) but it will prevent the service from auto-renewing.

Related posts:

1. How Does Match.com Work?
2. Something to Talk About: eHarmony’s New Feature
3. Match.com vs eHarmony: Which is the Best Dating Service?

Creating Your Profile at Match.com

When you visit Match.com, you’ll be presented with a form to search for singles where you can enter simple details, such as if you are a man looking for a woman, etc. This is actually part of the process to sign up for the service. Once you perform the search, you’ll be provided with a very simple sign-up screen. You just fill in your desired user name, email and other very basic details and you’re done! Sort of.

At this point you’ll be shown a screen where you can actually subscribe to the service (that is, pay for it). This is a little confusing for brand new users as initially it looks as if you have to pay to use the service. This isn’t the case, though. You can browse profiles and even wink at other users for free. If you’re not ready to pay for the service (and you shouldn’t be considering you’ve not even seen it yet) click on the Profile link at the top of the screen.

Filling Out Your Dating Profile
When filling out your Match.com profile, entering the information will be very simple initially and will become more detailed as you progress. The first few sections (which include your appearance, interests, lifestyle and values) should be simple to fill out.

Keep in mind: these “simple” sections are where people feel most comfortable telling little white lies. Don’t be one of those people. When you meet someone on a first date you don’t want their first thought to be “they lied to me”.

Next you’ll fill out your profile describing the details about the person you would like to date. This section allows you to be very specific on what you’re looking for. My recommendation is to avoid being too specific. The more accepting you are, the better your match score will be with other singles. If you are unnecessarily, it will lower your match score with other singles for no good reason. If something is important to you then by all means, enter those preferences. For everything else, I would recommend being as inclusive as possible.

Finally, you will fill out the section called “In My Own Words” and this is the section that most people find more difficult. You want to describe yourself and elaborate on who you’re looking to meet. You will want to make your profile unique to who you are and it will be important to avoid cliche phrases like “I like hanging out with friends” or “I’m laid-back and easy to get along with”. People will just skim over these statements. You will also need to enter your profile heading in this section. Don’t stress too much about your heading. I’ve never heard of anyone having success or failure strictly based on their heading. Time is better spent on your profile than heading. If you’re looking for help on creating your profile, see these articles:

• Details on the Dating Profiles

• Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Your Dating Profile
• Thoughts on Profile Headings

Once you submit your profile, it will need approved but this process is normally very fast and you can search and view profiles during this time.

Note: It is extremely important that you upload a photo if you are serious about meeting others. Be sure that you try to pick a good primary picture and be sure that it says what you think it does about you.

Communicating with Other Singles

Before you can start communicating, you’ll have to find someone you are interested in. This is a simple process: just click on the Search link at the top of the screen and enter the basic details you are looking for. You can also use special matching which includes:

• Mutual Matches: Those people you have a high match score with as you both have traits the other person is looking for

• Reverse Match: Helps you find people who are looking to date people like you
• Online Now: Returns those users who are online which is useful if you are looking to chat with others.

Note that all of these special searches will be affected by your basic search settings (age, distance, keywords). In addition to these searches, you can also specify very specific searches by clicking “Keep Customizing…”.

At this point you can start reviewing profiles. Keep in mind that to have any real communication with people you will have to sign up for a subscription. Free accounts can search and you can wink…but even if they respond to a wink you’ll be unable to communicate with them unless you sign up.

Match.com Unique Features

Almost every dating service has unique features, even the smallest niche sites. Match.com is no exception and it has some of the most interesting features available:

• Daily 5: The Daily 5 provides you with (wait for it…) 5 matches a day. You can then rate each of these matches and Match will use these rates to better define the users they provide you in the future. Note that you need to rate your current matches before you get more so if you stop getting matches, rate the ones you have. Those you rate well will see you listed in a section “They’re Interested in You” and the same will go for you for those users that rate you well.

• 6 Month Guarantee: If you sign-up and use the service for 6 months and don’t find a relationship you can get the next 6 months free. Keep in mind that this promotion can be more difficult to qualify for than it sounds so be sure to read my write-up on issues with the 6-month guarantee.
• MatchWords: MatchWords aren’t much more than tags that you associate with yourself. You can have up to 50 MatchWords and I would suggest adding some as these can help other singles find you.
• matchTalk: This is a very unique feature that allows you to have phone conversations with other singles without either of you ever having to provide your actual phone number. You can see my discussion of this when you should give out your phone number
• VIP Emails: These are special emails that you can only send once a week. It will let the person you contact know that you are very interested in them and it will also make your profile much more visible to them over the next month. I discuss using these in the post how to use VIP emails.
• Singled Out: These are individuals that Match.com believes that you will most closely match with. These matches are based on how you use the service, how you specify your preferred preferences and how you rate other matches in your Daily 5 and Singled Out.

Subscribing at Match.com

Subscribing is straight-forward process. In this article, I discuss my thoughts on the appropriate amount of time to sign up for. One thing worth mentioning is that whatever plan you sign up for, they will automatically renew you for the same plan. This is very important to keep in mind if you sign up for the 6-month guarantee, then don’t qualify for it and you don’t cancel your subscription. In this situation you might see yourself being charged for another 6 months!

Related posts:

1. How Does eHarmony Work?
2. Match.com Questions and Answers
3. Match.com vs eHarmony: Which is the Best Dating Service?

The following charts shows very basic information on common ways to try to meet singles:

You Might Be Spending More and Getting Less

I think I’m being very fair in my chart above. Whenever I go out with friends to a bar, I can’t remember a time where I spent as little as $10. Still, to try and be fair I’m assuming my readers are able to spend this small of an amount. Still, even if you were able to spend as small an amount as eHarmony would cost you, what about how well you get along with someone? At a bar, you’re gambling with any relationship you’ll find. Not only that, while at eHarmony you can know who is looking for a serious relationship, at the bar it won’t be nearly so clear.

You might be saying, “But what about other places aside from the bar? Having my friends set me up is free!” That’s true, it is free to have your friends match you up with someone but most of the time that doesn’t seem to work out all that well. Not only that, your friends are only going to know so many single people they can match you up with…they’ll evenutally run out!

How Much Time Are You Getting Out of Your Method to Meet People?

Also, consider this: if you go to the bar to meet people, or church or even a meetup group, how many hours a week are you able to actively try to find a relationship? Three hours? Four? At eHarmony you’ll be able to be much more active in your attempts to meet people. If you live in a well populated area, you may have the opportunity to speak to new people every day not just a few hours one day a week. Now you could argue that you could go to the bar or a singles group more often than once a week but now the original argument that eHarmony is too expensive has been shot down! You’re spending more that you would at eHarmony if you go out more than once unless someone is buying the drinks for you!

Reasons eHarmony is a Poor Choice for Some

Still, eHarmony won’t work for everyone. This service will not be a good choice if you live in a low population area and you want to limit your matches to within 30 miles of yourself. I had this happen to me when I lived in the country and after a month or two I just wasn’t getting enough matches any longer. This is when I tried Match.com and the ability to contact whoever I wanted worked much better in my case. Again, this option was still cheaper than going to the bar and was providing me with more opportunity to meeting other singles.

Related posts:

1. What Is the Price of eHarmony Subscriptions?
2. What is the Price of Match.com Subscriptions?
3. Match.com vs eHarmony: Which is the Best Dating Service?

Notes on Pricing

Keep in mind that services that charge more often have earned the right to do so. For example, even though eHarmony prices are some of the most expensive, it had more visits in 2009 than any other dating service. This doesn’t make the cheaper services bad but it does mean that the more expensive services are most often worth the extra price. If you decide to use a cheaper service it may mean fewer members or less features but this isn’t always a problem. A site like CatholicMatch has less members but the members it does have are exactly what its users are looking for. In this case, less is actually better.

All prices are broken down by what you would pay per month. For example, 3 months at Match.com is $19.99 per month so the total for the 3 month plan ends up costing $59.97.

2010 Online Dating Pricing Guide

Why Are Some Services “Recommended”?
The services I include in my Recommended section are those that I feel could lead to a success (in other words, the creation of a serious relationship). I do believe that the specialized dating services (niche sites) also lead to success but I can’t recommend them universally as they are specialized toward specific individuals. Finally, my “other dating services” section is the sites that I wouldn’t recommend for those looking for a strong relationship. For example, Established Men is a service that runs on trading beauty for wealth. I don’t see that as a wrong thing but I also don’t see that as the best way to find the right person for you. Not everyone is looking for a long-term relationship though so I include them here.

Why List Only One Free Dating Site?
I’ve thrown my hat in with OKCupid primarily because of how much I dislike Plenty of Fish. I think that OKCupid is leaps and bounds better than this “most popular” free service. I promote them because I like their service, I believe they actually enable people to find dating success (unlike their previously mentioned competitor), and I want to see some free service become popular enough to force Plenty of Fish to actually have to put an effort into their service. You can seem my complaints about Plenty of Fish directly here and more indirectly here.

Promotion Codes
If signing up for a service in the list that has a promotion code, be sure to enter that code. If the code isn’t entered, the discounted price will not be given.

Am I Missing A Dating Service?
If I’m missing a dating service that you really like or if my prices are incorrect, please contact me.

Related posts:

1. The Best Online Dating Service
2. Match.com vs eHarmony: Which is the Best Dating Service?
3. 2010 Dating Service Valentine’s Day Specials

• If you decide to contact me, I’m very flattered.
• Please contact me if you would like to chat.
• I hope you decide to send me an email!

There are a few reasons this approach is a bad idea.

Reason 1: You Don’t Want to Appear Desperate
You might not be desperate but often your words will tell another story. Perhaps the wrong story but they still say something. I talk about this in my post Does You Online Dating Profile Say What You Think It Does? In some cases, asking (or even begging) people to contact you might not hurt your profile. However, remember that you are always fighting the bad impressions the people who have come before you have created. If a woman has had to deal with a weird guy or three, she’s going to be on the lookout for anything out of place. If a man earned himself an online stalker he’s going to start taking the same precautions. Having dated online actively, my experience has shown that there are far more normal people than weird. That said, it only takes one bad experience to open our eyes to what could happen on these online dates. After that point, I can guarantee you’ll be under the microscope.

Reason 2: People Know How Online Dating Works
You don’t need to explain to people how to communicate with you. Everyone already knows. The idea that someone looked at your profile, thought you were great and wanted to contact you but just couldn’t figure out how is not happening. “But what if they are nervous about contacting me or shy?” First, simply stating that you invite emails isn’t going to give nervous person courage. Everyone is inviting contact by the virtue of having a dating profile. Second, you can’t write your profile for the minority of people at the risk of driving away the majority. In other words, do everything you can to remove anything questionable from your profile. Including innocent statements that someone else might see as desperation.

Reason 3: Are You Selecting or Being Selected?
A cousin of desperation is low self-esteem. When you word your plea for contact the wrong way you might be telling your potential dates: “I’ll take anyone!” Again, I’m not saying that you have low self-esteem by asking for contact but I would suggest that you might give that impression. Remember: you need to see online dating as an opportunity for you to find what you’re looking for. Your goal should not be to provide someone else everything they are looking for. Not only that, giving the impression that you’ll settle for anyone in unattractive. No one wants to be that “special anyone”, they want to be that “special someone”.

Reason 4: You Don’t Need to Prove that You’re Nice
Some people want to include something nice or encouraging in their profile and see including a statement like “I hope you decide to contact me!” as the way to do it. Yes, that is a nice statement but as I’ve shown above it may do more harm than good. Just as you don’t need to prove that you’re funny in your profile, you also don’t need to prove that you’re nice.

A Better Way To Encourage Contact

I believe there are two better approaches to ending your profile. First, not saying anything at all about contacting each other is totally fine. That’s probably the easiest approach as well. As I’ve said in my online dating guide, just coming off as normal can go a long way for your dating profile. Avoiding appearances of desperation or low-self esteem will improve your odds at being contacted.

The second method is more direct and while like the examples at the beginning of this post there is a significant difference. At the end of your profile, describe the type of man or woman you are looking for. After that, a comment stating that a person who fits the bill should be encouraged to contact you is fine. Here’s an example:

The woman I’d like to meet loves to travel. She’s excited to try something new and appreciates my quirkiness. She loves learning and excited to share her experiences with the man in her life. If this sounds like you, feel free to contact me.

But why would this work so much better? Is it really that much different? I think so. In this example, there can be no confusion over desperation or low self-esteem. The point is clear: I’m looking for particulars in the person I date. If that sounds like you, we should talk. If not, I wish you the best of luck. There’s no desperation. There’s no low self-esteem. Not only is it a strong way to encourage contact it actually strengthens your profile as you’re defining some things you’re looking for. Not only will you encourage contact, you’ll encourage contact from those who fit what you’re looking for.

Related posts:

1. Why Do Men Ignore What I Require in My Dating Profile?
2. If I Am Shy, Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile?
3. What Should I Include in My Dating Profile?

First, you need to keep in mind that your user name is not going to be very important in the grand scheme of things. Because of that, please don’t over-think this! No one is going to pick or reject you based on your user id and I personally can’t remember any user ids that have really jumped out at me. Generally speaking, you should make your user id whatever you want it to be. That said, I would say there are a few rules on what you shouldn’t make your user id.

Second, you should not reveal too much about yourself with it as others will see it. As an example, your first and last name or your home address would be bad ideas for your user name. Not that most people are going to use their home address but some people might enter their full name…make sure that person isn’t you.

Next, I would recommend against using your standard user id such as the id you use for your personal email account. Again, this is about protecting your identity and you would be amazed at what you can find with just an email address or a user id. Check out Pipl to see exactly what I mean. The amount of data we post online about ourselves these days makes taking some extra caution worth the effort.

Finally, if you’re a woman and you want to insert words like “sexxxy” into your user id that’s fine but be aware some men do spam women on online dating service. I’m not claiming it will happen but you might be inviting more of this type of contact with a name like this. It’s a pretty small risk and more of a minor annoyance than anything else but keep it in mind.

Aside from those issues, you shouldn’t be worried about your user id. A hobby or an emotion or a nickname all work fine, although you may need to add a random number since many user names will already be taken. If you just can’t think of anything you can use a name generator (see the Online Handle Generator on this page). Just use good judgement! When I tested out the name generator the first one it gave me was “QuicklyBiting” which probably isn’t the best profile name!

Related posts:

1. Why Haven’t Free Dating Services Beaten the Pay Services?
2. Finding Good Deals for Online Dating Services
3. Online Dating Services with a Different Approach