Here’s an example of one of his emails:

I read your profile and there was something about it that caught my eye. Maybe it was that you’re an ambitious entrepreneur, or that you like indie rock and Family Guy. I have a feeling there’s much more to you. So what’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done? What’s your favorite dessert?
We’re both on here to meet someone new. Email me back and we’ll go from there.

Note: the items in bold are the places where he would change the details for each woman.

Even though I’m against them, form emails can work…but you really need to make them appear as if they are NOT form emails! I’d rather see every email written from scratch but if you are a guy who is going to continue to do the form email thing then I’d want to give you the same advice I gave this reader:

1. Don’t be random. Even though you might be “filling in blanks”, you need to have a cohesiveness to your email. You might be reading her profile and feel a real interest in the woman you are contacting but proving that in an awkward way doesn’t help your cause. Form emails or otherwise, your first communication needs to feel like the start of a real conversation.

2. Only include the important stuff. First emails (in my opinion) need to be short. Adding unnecessary items or comments just wastes space. For example, in this example I encouraged my reader to remove:

   We’re both on here to meet someone new. Email me back and we’ll go from there.

   Mostly because it’s stating the obvious but also because I feel like these statements don’t really add to the first email and we want everything in the first email to add something.

Writing a Real Email

So now to what I hope most guys will do instead of a form email: write a real email. The truth is a form email written the way this reader did it isn’t that far from writing a personalized email. He’s not blindly contacting every woman: he’s learning about her based on her profile and using that knowledge to reach out to her. He’s already taken the steps to writing a solid first email, he just needs to follow through now.

In this case, here’s how I would rewrite the form email as a more personal email:

Subject: I got a freezer full of Popsicles!

Hi, just wanted to let you know I really liked your profile! An entrepreneur? In this economy…talk about brave! Then again…you’re also dating online so I guess the bravery was obvious. If you want to push my opinion of your bravery even higher you should have a coffee with me this Saturday!

P.S. I don’t really have a freezer full of Popsicles…I just love Family Guy too!

So it probably took me 5 or 10 minutes to write that. It took some thinking but that’s a good thing and it’s obvious that this email was written for one specific woman.

In this example, I ask her out in the first email because I often did just that when I was dating online…but you wouldn’t have to do that right off the bat if you don’t want to. You could instead ask a question…but keep it on topic (so in this case it might be something along the lines of “What other acts of bravery do you participate in that haven’t been revealed?”).

Normally, I wouldn’t add the P.S. part. However, the thought is that she should be familiar with the creepy old guy on Family Guy and the popsicle subject is something he says when trying to get kids into his house. If the statement didn’t have a creepy background, I’d have that as the subject and not explain it (if she’s really a Family Guy fan she’ll figure it out). However, since it might be taken the wrong way I include that I’m just joking. Probably not necessary but better safe than sorry!

Writing a Real Email: Not That Much Harder

So for 5 or 10 minutes of my time, I can write a woman a real email and I think my chances of getting a response go way up. If you’re one of those guys who email every woman the same exact text then obviously it’s going to be a lot harder for you to write individual emails…and perhaps this advice sounds crazy if that’s you.

However, if you are like many guys who do read the profile and learn about the woman but then just fill in the blanks…give writing a real, personal email a try. At the very least to see what difference it makes.

You’re already most of the way there. I think your odds for responses will improve and I also believe the women you contact will appreciate that they’re getting a legitimate email and not just more spam or form email (and from the women I talk to, they tend to get a lot of that).

Related posts:

1. Low Responses When Talking About Yourself in First Emails
2. How to Use VIP Emails at Match.com
3. Men That Go Beyond One Email Attempt in Online Dating

I stumbled on your site a couple months ago after considering getting serious about online dating after using okcupid in an extremely passive way for about 6 months. I was looking for advice that didn’t entail sleeping around. I too am an engineer, so you methods really resonated with me. So, your site and your story really inspired me to give it a go. As a consequence, I feel like I skipped the first part of your dating experience and moved to the part where you found success.

I followed much of the core of your advice. Like write short-emails, contact lots of people (I used eharmony and contacted around 95% of my matches, probably around 300 women), date lots of people (I went on as many first dates as I could at a given time, my record is 5 in one week and 2 in one day even). I have been doing it for 2 months. Basically, I followed your advice and it has been working. So I wanted to say thanks many times over for the advice and for putting your experience out there for others to learn from. I feel that it has saved a lot of my time and changed me as a person in the way that I think about relationships.

Anyway, I met someone a couple nights ago and I was reluctant to even go out with her as her profile was pretty weak, but I followed your advice and looked at it as practice. It turned out to be great we hit it off immediately and were already talking about what else we would do together before the night ended. Of course, I have read your cautions about early success so I am very cautious about calling this a win yet, but I imagine this may be something that could last at least for a while. There have been two others were contenders for the long term, but neither came close to this one.

…

I am at a point where I would like to get to know someone a bit better and going on 2+ dates a week has really taken a toll on the rest of my life. I am wondering if I should just focus on the ladies I am currently dating and enjoy the summer and such more.

You seem to talk very little about how you approached things after the second date with new women (unless I read something wrong). For instance, were there girls you would keep dating after a couple dates while still looking for new ones? It seems like at some point, it is very dishonest to do this and could screw things up with someone that is a great find. Basically, I am looking for your thoughts on how you approached continuing to date someone beyond the first few dates while you were still dating online.

Early Successes

First, based on something this reader wrote I want to clarify one of my stances in my guide: when I talk about being cautious about early successes I’m really talking about the desire in some people to abandon dating altogether when they meet someone that treats them moderately nice. This reader was taking my advice on caution further than I would have wanted him to. He had moved past the point of an early success to the point of having a good deal of dating experience under his belt.

My motivation to offer caution comes from this:

1. I am often contacted by people who aren’t having much success and with a few tweaks to their profile or their approach we start to see improvements

2. Shortly after they’ve started to have some success I’ll get an email about how they met the perfect guy/girl and they’ve canceled their dating account. Sometimes this is literally less than a week from when they first contacted me.
3. I’ll caution them about the speed at which they are moving and they’ll ignore my advice.
4. At some point later, normally a few weeks, I get another contact from them describing frustration as things didn’t work out with the relationship they decided to pursue

My advice on early success is aimed at these people. In the case above, my reader absolutely doesn’t fit into that category. I think he considers himself having early success because he’s only been dating online actively for a few months now but taking the experience he’s gained in that time I think it’s safe to say he’s not jumping on an “early success”.

Early Success Can Happen!
All that said, having success early on can happen! I’m not saying ignore any success, I just want to make sure people are choosing to be with a great match as opposed to choosing to “not be single”. If you’ve been dating online for several months I think you’re well equipped to see when you’ve found something special. If you’ve been dating online for a week, it can still happen I’m just not convinced we’re as good at seeing it…especially if we’re a tad bit desperate to end our singleness.

Did I Always Stop After the Second Date?

In my guide I strong encourage going on second dates. When I talk about going on these second dates, what I am really trying to do is to get my readers to give their dates a real chance. It’s not that I would want anyone to date someone they aren’t interested in indefinitely; I just talk to so many people who give up on their first dates too quickly.

To my readers question on dating past the second date: there were a few women that I dated 3 or 4 times but if I ever took it past the 2nd date it was because I suspected there was a chance to build a real relationship. I never dated just to date. My two-date rule was about getting to know my date and getting dating experience but my end goal was always to find a strong, healthy relationship…so most of the time it was a few dates and then moving on.

My Advice to this Reader

What I advised my reader to do (and what I would advice others in this situation to do) is that if if you think you’ve found someone great, pursue that relationship! If it’s an early success, pursue it with more caution such as keeping your dating account active or by letting your match know you want to take things slowly and will likely continue to meet others (at least for a little while).

If the “early success” situation is not your case, I would encourage you to be excited that you’ve met a great match! In his case my reader wanted to take a break from meeting new women to spend time getting to know this one and I’m 100% behind that idea. Allowing a promising relationship to grow is exactly what I would do in his situation.

What I Did When I Met My Wife…

In my case, I took my advice above: I had dated online for a year, very actively many months. When I met my the woman who would become my wife I knew I had found something special. I was excited about that and after our date, I canceled every other date I had scheduled with other women (I believe I had 5 or 6 schedule).

Clearly, things worked out! When you think you’ve found something special I want to encourage you to pursue that! Just apply the appropriate amount of caution depending on where you’re at in your dating life.

Related posts:

1. Online Dating Guide: A Success Story
2. Re-Contacting Women and Online Dating Success
3. New Online Daters: Exercise Caution with Early Success

Photo by aresauburn

1. The person never subscribed to the service and is totally caught off guard by the charge. In most cases this is some type of fraudulent charge (for example, someone stealing the credit card number) but in one instance someone contacted me because someone she knew had used her credit card to sign themselves up.

2. The person has subscribed and is surprised that the dating service is charging them when they had intended to be finished using the dating site.

Jump to:
Handling the Dating Service Fraudulent Charges
Handling Dating Service Auto-Renewals
Popular Dating Services Phone Numbers

Believe it or not, I have personally dealt with both of these cases at different points in my life. When I was dating online I was caught off-guard the first time I dealt with a dating service auto-renewal. Then much later when I had finished dating online someone had stolen my credit card number and signed up for a dating service with it (you can actually read my account of this experience here).

Handling the Dating Service Fraudulent Charges

It may be surprising but of the two cases, the fraudulent charge case is generally easier to resolve (although that doesn’t mean the process is enjoyable). Here are steps you can take in this situation:

Step 1: Call the Dating Service
First, call the dating service and explain the situation. You shouldn’t get much push-back from this process. If you do get some push-back from the site, most often whoever signed you up will not have any of your personal information correct: name, location, sex, age and so on. Use this as ammunition if you do find yourself fighting with the service to get the charges reversed. For example: “Why would I sign myself up as a 48-year old woman in Florida when I’m a man living in Pennsylvania?”

Step 2: Calling Your Bank or Credit Card Provider
This is a very important step! Someone has gotten a hold of your credit or debit card information somehow. Just getting the charges reversed in this one case won’t solve your problems if they just use your card again. This can be a hassle since you’ll have to wait to get your new card but it is definitely a step you want to take. Surprisingly, I’ve heard some banks are more cooperative in these situations than others but generally speaking if you’re persistent they’ll work with you and get you a new card.

Step 3: Additional Steps You Can Take
If you have had a fraudulent charge, it is a fine idea to report it. You can report the charge at Fraud.org (and more specifically their fraud report form). You can also file a report at the Internet Crime Complaint Center. As I’ve discussed in the past, on its own this won’t accomplish much for your current situation. However, if there is a pattern of repeated fraudulent charges going on at a particular site, this is probably one a good way to improve the situation for others who come after you.

Photo by Andres Rueda

Why Would Someone Steal My Credit Card to Sign Up for a Dating Service?
When I dealt with my fraudulent charge, I initially was suspicious of the dating service itself. Over time though, I’ve come to believe that this isn’t the most reasonable explanation.

The thing is, stealing a credit card to sign up for an online dating service seems like a waste: wouldn’t the person who has stolen the card rather get as much out of it as possible? Why only spend $50? To me, I think the person who has taken your card is far more interested in stealing from others than stealing from you. For example:

1. They steal your card and sign up for a dating service for 3 or 6 months. The hope here is that they can use your card without you noticing (or at least not noticing right away)

2. They create their profile and begin a relationship with someone. Eventually, once trust has been built they convince this person that they are overseas and that they need just a little bit of money to get home. A little bit of money then turns into a lot of money as they continue to scam the person they’ve been talking to.
3. The person being scammed finally realizes what’s happening and they contact the dating service. The dating service begins to investigate what has been going on but can’t trace it back to the actual scammer…because they’ve used your credit card.

So the thief’s goal is still to make a lot of money but when your card is stolen you are often just an intermediate step for them in the process.

Handling Dating Service Auto-Renewals

First off, the best way to handle avoiding auto-renewal charges is to be aware of your dating service’s auto-renewal policies.

Almost all the major sites use auto-renewals. If you’re not familiar with auto-renewals they basically work like this: whatever time you initially sign up for is what most dating services will renew you for when your time runs out. Signed up for 6-months? After 6-months are up the dating service will attempt to sign you up again for 6-months.

One of the best ways to handle auto-renewals, and sometimes the only way, is to turn off the auto-renewals if it’s an option at the dating service right after you subscribe. If this isn’t an option, you can cancel your subscription after you first subscribe. When you cancel your subscription you’ll still get to use the time you’ve subscribed for but the next time auto-renewals roll around you shouldn’t be renewed. You’ll want to verify this is the case with the service you use but as far as I am aware there are no services that will deny you the time you’ve paid for when you unsubscribe.

If you’ve already been charge for an auto-renewal…
If you’ve been charged for an auto-renewal it may have a difficult if not impossible to get the charges reversed. If you catch the charge right away and contact them you may be able to get the charge reversed but generally dating services have auto-renewals worked into the agreement you accept when initially subscribing.

Popular Dating Services Phone Numbers

Here is a list of some of the dating service phone numbers in case you need to reach support:

Match.com Phone Number: 800-926-2824, dial 0 when record begins

eHarmony Phone Number: 800-951-2023

Zoosk Phone Number: 415-728-9574

Chemistry Phone Number: 866-610-MEET

Perfect Match Phone Number: 425-284-4265

Lavalife Phone Number: 866-554-5282

If you have phone numbers for other dating services I haven’t listed here, leave a comment and I’ll be sure to get them added.

Related posts:

1. AmericanSingles.com and Fraudulent Charges
2. Stop Unwanted Dating Site Auto-Renewals
3. How to Fix the Free Dating Service Model

Generally when I receive email regarding my online dating guide I don’t post anything about that here. However, I’ve decided to make an exception for one of the emails I recently received a month or two ago. This is because in this case the person who read my guide is taking the exact steps I hope all my readers would. Here’s the email:

I read your online dating guide at the beginning of the year, and I have to say that it is THE BEST dating guide ever. You don’t give people instructions to change their personality or try new ways of messaging women, but you gave a great methodical approach to getting dates. After reading your guide, I set a goal of going out with 30 women this year just to know more of what I want in a partner. Some of my friends didn’t think that I would make it, and some of them though I was a little crazy, but I thought it was an achievable goal since you had mentioned that you had gone out with more than 30 women in your online guide.

Right now, I’m at girl #21 with a couple of months to go. A lot of what you mentioned in your guide is true. I’m starting to find out what I really want in a woman and what I was accepting are two different things. I wouldn’t say I’m a dating genius, but I do enjoy the dating process way more. It doesn’t really bother me now if a girl doesn’t respond to my emails or return my calls. I’ve started to come up with my own methods as well for success.

Anyways, I can’t say enough about your guide, and when I’m done with achieving my goal, maybe I’ll write a guide myself.

The thing that encourages me most about this email is that he did not just read my guide and simply stick with what I had written. I’m not a fan of advice that says there’s only one way to do things so my hope has always been to give readers a starting point where they could then build on that advice. In this case, that’s exactly what’s happening. We’ve talked back and forth a few times since this email and he is taking a very different approach with online dating in a few areas… and I think that’s great.

If you have read my dating guide or are considering doing so keep this readers approach and results in mind. Taking my advice may be good…but building on my advice to plot your own course is great.

Related posts:

1. My Online Dating Success Story
2. Online Dating Success! Now What?
3. Online Dating Success Story: Post-Wedding Thoughts

Photo by Sklathill

Before I begin though, there really isn’t a best time to try online dating. Whenever you are ready to try dating online, that’s a great time to try and you shouldn’t make your decision to date (or not date) based on someone else’s statistics. That being said, there are times of the year where one factor can really play into your favor: the number of people dating online.

Online Dating Booms in January and February

As I mentioned above, online dating experiences large amounts of growth in the first few months of the year. I think this makes a lot of sense if we take a step back and look at the situation many of us are experiencing during this time of year.

The Aftermath of the Holidays
I list this first because it bothered me the most when I was single: going through the holidays being alone. Whether it is getting the same questions as AGAIN by family members on your dating status or just having to go to the company holiday party solo, for singles the holidays are often one long reminder of our relationship status.

After dealing with these types of holidays, many singles are very sensitive to the fact that another holiday is headed their way: Valentine’s Day. After endlessly answering relationship questions over the previous holidays, it’s no surprise to find many singles motivated to start dating as January begins.

Photo by Paparutzi

For example, if I made finding a relationship with online dating my resolution it’s easy to set goals for myself: I’m going to contact 5 women every week and by this spring I’m going to have gone on 10 first dates. Making the same kind of resolution prior to online dating required a lot more creativity in meeting people and, while not necessarily a bad thing, could lead many singles to feel frustrated and abandon their resolution a little too quickly.

However, we don’t live in that world any longer and online dating has made finding a relationship a very realistic resolution.

Reminders that Time Moves by Quickly
The new year doesn’t just bring resolutions; it brings reminders that time goes by fast. Watching the New Year roll in with no one special to share it with isn’t fun. Experience that for a few years in a row and suddenly it’s not just loneliness that we experience but also anxiety! We can actually see time going by while a situation we want improved not changing at all.

While I see the New Year bringing these feelings on, it’s not the only time something like this can happen. Birthdays can be rough too. However, we all celebrate those on different days! If everyone celebrated their birthday in June, I suspect the month that fell in would be a big month for online dating as well.

Photo by h.koppdelaney

With online dating, more people are already staying indoors and are naturally going to be drawn to trying to fix their relationship problems with whatever tool is still available.

Photo by Shandchem

A Better Way to Improve Your Odds

If someone were to argue that dating online in January would increase your odds of meeting someone, I don’t think I would argue with that. However, I think other things can improve your odds much better. Specifically, commitment to finding a relationship. Simply “sticking with it” will bring far better result than waiting for January to roll around.

It’s easy to make a resolution but much harder to stick with it. I’ll repeat the recommendation I make in my dating guide: regardless of the time of year, make a commitment to yourself that you’re going to try online dating for a certain amount of time and then stick with that. This is how I personally found success.

I originally started dating online in June but it was during the following January that I started to take things seriously. So while I don’t fit perfectly with the statistics, I do have the memories of having the feeling that, “this part of my life needs to change and now is the perfect time”. However, I didn’t meet my wife until 6 months later. Sure, January may have had more people than June but it was sticking with it that brought me success, not the particular month it happened to be.

My thoughts: the statistics and conversation on the “best” time to date online is interesting and well worth consideration but don’t let it be the only thing helping you decide!

Related posts:

1. Dating Resolutions for 2011
2. Merry Christmas!
3. New Year’s Dating Resolution: Finding that Special Someone

I’ve noticed some sites talking about an eHarmony free trial. I wasn’t familiar with this and obviously would be interested in talking about it here for my readers, so I looked into it.

As far as I can tell, those websites discussing an eHarmony free trial are simply discussing the free features that exist within the site already. In other words, they are suggesting that the normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill version of eHarmony (where you can create your profile and view other profiles) is somehow a “special” eHarmony free trial.

I wanted to talk about this because I think it would be annoying to complete the personality test at eHarmony only to find out no free trial existed. So if you’re looking for a free trial where you can use the service with 100% of its features for free, as far as I know no such thing exists. That being said, eHarmony does offer times where you can use their service for free which operates similar to reoccurring free trials.

Why Creating a Free Account at eHarmony Is Still a Good Idea

So while it would be frustrating to create an account for a free trial only to find out none exists, if you are looking to date online then creating an account at eHarmony is still a good thing. This is because about once a month (although sometimes it’s every other month) eHarmony offers a free weekend. Sometimes these free weekends are actually five days worth of using the service.

I frequently talk about these free communication weekends and my general advice is that it’s best to sign up for the service beforehand, if you can. This is because eHarmony provides you matches over time and they control who you communicate with. Now this is a selling point of the service, so not necessarily a bad thing. However if you sign up for an eHarmony free communication weekend on the day that it begins, not only may you find yourself waiting on matches while the weekend ticks away, you may also find yourself simply trying to figure out the service.

So, with that in mind, I encourage anyone who thinks they might be interested in trying eHarmony to sign up. While it is not a free trial, if you’re patient you will get the free time you are looking for at eHarmony. And honestly, over time you’ll end up getting many “free trials”, so to speak, with each free communication weekend that you participate in.

I announce the eHarmony free communication weekends on this site but if you sign up at eHarmony they should also email you a few days before the free events begin. You can also see a list of free events at eHarmony which I’ve discussed on this site in the past here.

Sign-up for eHarmony today.

Related posts:

1. Is the Chemistry.com Free Trial Worth It?
2. Match.com Free Trial: 7 Days for Free
3. eHarmony Free Communication Weekend, July 2nd – 5th 2010

Where Should You Begin with Dating Online?

The first step I think everyone (not just seniors!) should take to become comfortable with online dating is to sign-up for several online dating services. There is no need to subscribe or pay – just try out as many free features as you can. Many people will consider trying an online dating service, sometimes for years, before they actually give it a shot. The only way you are going to know if it will work for you is if you try! There are several services I recommend:

• Match.com: Match.com is one of the biggest and oldest online dating sites. It happens to be the service where I met my wife so I may be a little biased towards it. You can read a full review and step-by-step how-to on Match.com in my article How Does Match.com Work?

• eHarmony: eHarmony is another great online dating site although is has a very different approach to how you find your dates. Instead of picking and choosing like at Match.com, eHarmony provides you with customized matches to fit your personality. You can find a full guide to eHarmony in my post How Does eHarmony Work?

• OKCupid: OKCupid is my favorite free online dating service. Many of the free dating services aren’t much more than one big advertisement for other dating services but OKCupid is the real deal.

Why Sign Up for Multiple Dating Services?
Many people assume that all dating services are exactly the same and that is a mistake I made myself. Not all services are the same and you may find you prefer one service much more than another. If you a brand new to the world of online dating, I think it is worth the time and effort to try several services. I listed my favorites above but you should try the services that sound the most interesting to you.

Photo by linh_rom

Your Online Dating Profile

Creating your online dating profile can be difficult your first time around. I recommend that you be as specific as possible in your dating profile. List general statements that everyone else includes in their profile is a bad idea because you won’t stand out. I wrote and extensive guide on creating your online dating profile for the first time in my article Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation Guide.

Getting Your Photo in Your Online Dating Profile
Having a photo in your profile is very important. If you already have photos on your computer, this should be an relatively process (each dating service should walk you through these steps). If you do not have a photo on your computer its best to find either a friend with a digital camera to help you or failing that finding someone who can help you scan a physical photo of youself. As a last resort, you can go to Kinkos witha physical photo of yourself and request that they put it on CD for you. If they start asking technical questions just tell them you want to be able to put it on a site like Facebook. Once you have it on CD, you can place that in your computer and then use the photo in you profile.

Senior Specific Dating Sites

There are many online dating sites specifically for seniors, such as SeniorFriendFinder. These services are nice since you will see only other seniors. This type of dating site is considered a niche dating site because of this. Many niche dating sites offer enormous value because the niche is so specific. However, there are so many seniors dating online today (it’s the quickest growing segment) that I’m not convinced that a niche dating site is necessary. There are so many seniors dating it almost isn’t really a niche any more. That said, if you’re more comfortable with a senior specific dating site then by all means use that service.

Be Aware of Online Dating Scams!

As with almost everything in life these days, there are people looking to take advantage of others who are using online dating. The most common way they do this is by pretending to be interested in you but for some reason (such as temporarily being in another country) will be unable to meet you. They will then have an emergency and will ask you for money. Any time anyone on a dating site asks you for money, for any reason at all, there is a very good chance you are dealing the a scam. Always remember this!

Using a WebCam

It is common to use a webcam to communicate before meeting. If you are not familiar with WebCams, they allow the person you are talking to see you. If they have a webcam then you’ll be able to see them as well and the communication can be more interesting and fun. Many dating services even have built-in features to allow you to use a webcam. I don’t see a webcam as necessary it is a benefit to have one, especially if you begin to communicate with someone who would like to have a video chat with you. Understandably, many people dating online feel more comfortable about meeting after they’ve had more personalize communication than emails and webcams can offer this quite well.

If you’re looking for a webcam I would recommend the Logitech Webcam C500 – it has a pretty good price compared to many webcams, it has a built-in microphone so you can also talk with it, and it has great reviews.

Still Not Quite Comfortable with Online Dating?

If you still find online dating to be intimidating or too impersonal, you could try another service such as Meetup.com. Meetup is a website where people with similar interests can find each other and…meet up! You can find groups near where you live, even groups such as senior singles groups, and meet people that way. This might provide a nice stepping stone for those uncomfortable with online dating as you will still be using the internet to meet people.

Interested in Finding More Help?

If you are interesting in more information on online dating, I provide a free online dating guide which has over 100-pages describing every area of online dating in great detail. Several areas covered in this article are discussed even further in that guide.

Related posts:

1. Seniors: The Fastest Growing Segment in Online Dating
2. Updates to the Free Online Dating Guide
3. Online Dating Guide: A Success Story

Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation Guide
The Right Way to Encourage Contact in your Dating Profile
Does Your Dating Profile Heading Say What You Think It Does?
What Is A Good User Name for Online Dating Services?
First Dating Questions and Conversation Starters
My Date Doesn’t Ask Me Any Questions
Being Boring on a Date: How to Avoid or Correct It
Who Should Pay on the First Date?
Should I Lose Weight Before Dating Online?
Is eHarmony Worth the Price?
OKCupid Dating Guide
Match.com Questions and Answers

Additionally, a new section that doesn’t exist on the website was added to the beginning of the guide encouraging some specific actions be taken for those serious about finding success dating online.

Related posts:

1. Senior’s Guide To Online Dating
2. Step-by-Step Online Dating Profile Creation Guide
3. Online Dating Guide: A Success Story

You say you’re looking for a 20-something college graduate who is looking to settle down but you’re contacted by a 19-year old high school drop out who wants you to know that he would “hit dat”. You say you’re interested in finding someone around your age to hang out with and someone 20 years older than you wants you to know that you’re beautiful. Flattering but also annoying.

Why Is This Happening?

The main reason you’re going to get contact like this is that some men don’t read profiles at all. They browse photos and if they find the woman attractive, they immediately email her. No reading occurs at all. Their process is based on the same tactic that an email spammer would use. Most people don’t fall for email spam but by sending out thousands of emails, the spammers only need one or two people to be tricked. Same thing with these guys. They’re looking for that one woman out of 100 that will respond. To be more honest, they’re looking for that one woman who will end up having sex with them after one compliment.

When I was dating online, I remember talking to a woman on a first date about some of the strange things we had seen while online dating. She explained how a man had sent her the same exact email every so often. He didn’t even try to avoid sending it to the same women (and really he couldn’t avoid it since he wasn’t even looking at who he was contacting). She also mentioned that he never bothered to change the text of his email.

How Should A Woman Handle This?

Just like email spam, what you can do about this is rather limited. First, don’t feel like you need to respond to these guys who are obviously contacting you without reading your profile. As a matter of fact, it would be a big mistake to write these guys back unless you’re looking to sleep around. The fact that you have requirements is a good thing and guys pulling this sort of thing should be rejected without a second thought. If you are able to block the user, that would be better because many of these men will continue to try to contact you repeatedly.

Are You On Plenty of Fish?
If you are on Plenty of Fish and this is happening, I’m not surprised. I suspect there is far more of this type of communication from men on Plenty of Fish than there is real communication. The sites I recommend are Match.com and eHarmony but if you’re looking for a free site I think OKCupid is the best one available. Sometimes the best way to fight this kind of communication is to find sites that don’t allow it (or at least actively try to prevent it).

Related posts:

1. Internet Dating: Profile Views vs. Actual Interest
2. Should I Reject or Ignore Unwanted Contact on Dating Sites?
3. The Right Way to Encourage Contact in Your Dating Profile

First, let’s look at a quick comparison of the two services as discussed in the previous articles:

Which Service is Best for Me?

Each service has very strong qualities in different areas and these differences should be taken into consideration when choosing your service. To determine the best service, you really need to take your own situation into account. Below, different situations are presented and the best service for that situation is given with reasoning why.

Services are recommended based on the following situations:
If You Are New to Online Dating
If You Live in a Low Population Area
If You Struggle with Shyness
If You Are Most Interested in Dating Many People
If You Are Looking for Marriage
If You Are Most Concerned with Cost
If Your Religion is Your Top Priority

Brand New to Online Dating
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If you are new to online dating and are nervous or unsure of how to approach it, eHarmony is a great choice. The communication process at eHarmony actually creates a situation where you really feel as if you’re getting to know the person you are communicating with. It takes much of the guess work out of the communication process which is a huge help in the beginning. Also, while you will likely have less people to contact at eHarmony, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing for those new to online dating who are interested in taking things a bit slower.

Singles Living in Low Population Areas
Recommended Site: Match.com
If you live in an area that has a lower population and you’re not willing to travel more than 30 miles to meet other singles, Match.com is the better choice of the two. Match’s open communication system will allow you to contact exactly who you want. eHarmony’s matching system is a great strength but in this situation the system will provide very few matches which results in very few opportunities.

vs.

Shy Individuals Trying Online Dating
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If you’re a shy person, eHarmony is a great choice. It provides the structure that many shy people need to feel comfortable. If you’re a shy person and you sign up at Match.com, you may struggle to contact as many people as you should to have real success. With eHarmony, the communication process is controlled enough that it’s very simple even for the shyest among us to get the conversation started.

Interest in Dating as Many People as Possible
Recommended Site: Match.com
Match.com is the clear winner in this category. Not everyone is anxious to settle down but some are more interested in meeting other singles and are simply looking to enjoy a health dating life. Match.com provides everything these people would need with one of the largest pool of singles to choose from and the ability to communicate how you wish. As I’ll talk in the next point, eHarmony has a substantial number of singles looking for long-term relationships and if you’re not at that point in your life, Match is absolutely the better option.

Seriously Looking for Marriage or Long-Term Relationships
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If you are looking to settle down into a marriage, eHarmony is the best choice. The first reason is that this is exactly what the service was originally created for: creating long-term, successful relationships. Additionally, most singles know that eHarmony is aimed at creating marriages which in turn attracts more people who are looking for exactly that. This creates a service that is attracting more marriage-minded singles because…it’s attracting more marriage minded singles!

Dating with Religion as the #1 Priority
Recommended Site: eHarmony
If religion is your number one priority, eHarmony is in most cases a better choice. The reason is that as a part of signing up, you tell eHarmony not only your religious affiliation, but how important your religion is to you. You then provide information on how important it is to you that your dates share your faith. At Match.com, people often pick religions based on what their parents believe or for other reasons without any real interest or following of the selected faith.

Note that your faith is one of the areas that you can go back and change later so if you’ve already signed up for eHarmony but wish you had been more or less strict with your religious matching just go to “My Settings” and then “Background and Beliefs”.

Related posts:

1. eHarmony vs Chemistry.com: Which Service Is Better?
2. 2010 Online Dating Service Pricing Guide
3. Match.com and Yahoo! Personals to be One Dating Service