Online Dating Guide » internet dating

A Unique Approach to Match.com Instant Messaging

Brad — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 16:00:01 +0000

Some time ago, a friend of mine shared with me an approach to have success using the Match.com Instant Messenger. He didn’t come up with the approach himself but stated that the guy he knew who was doing this had a lot of success with it.

I have never used this approach but it sounded interesting to me and I wanted to share it here. If you find yourself tiring of the traditional email a woman, wait,
email a woman, wait approach then this might be something worth giving a try.

Match Instant Messenger: The Gateway Communication

So basically the approach goes something like this: use the instant messenger to move to a more personalized form of communication more quickly. In this case, this is the specific approach he took:

First, he would find a woman he was interested in who was currently online
Next he would send her an instant message. My friend said sometimes he would use email instead of IM but he still stuck with the rule of only contacting women that were currently online.
He would then get the conversation started and try to allow the conversation to let them get a good feel for one another.
When he had to go, he would explain that he prefers texting over being tied to the computer and would give her his cell number. He then encouraged her to send him a text if she’d like to talk more.
At this point, he had a better line of communication with the woman and found that he was meeting more women than with his previous approach.

Note: An alternative to step four is to suggest you become Facebook friends. My friend has been using this approach instead of text messages and says he’s having success with the approach. The point isn’t so much about texting or Facebook as it is about move the communication to a more convenient and friendly arena.

An Approach with Some Risk
Obviously, to take this approach you need to be comfortable with giving someone your cell number after a short amount of conversation. The worst case scenario here isn’t all that bad but still…getting a bunch of text messages from someone you’re no longer interested in isn’t exactly desirable!

Again, I never used this approach myself but I can see how it could be effective. I think this is especially true for those younger generations who see texting as their primary form of communication and have no reservations about exchanging their number.

What about you? Have you had any success with an approach like this? Or is this an approach that you think introduces more risk than you’d like to take? I’d be interested to see what others think of this approach!

The Single Life: A Funny Video on Online Dating

Brad — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 23:48:00 +0000

Update: Additional episodes included below

Dentyne (that’s right, the gum people) have created a new video series called The Single Life that is a funny look at online dating. In the first episode, included below, we are shown two singles creating their dating profiles and a lot of humor (and truth) are shown:

A couple of thoughts from my point of view for those who might have missed the tongue in the cheek and might take the video as gospel:

Most important part of your profile is your photo! The guys put exactly the amount of time into picking a user name as you should.
“Does it make me sound like a whore?”, “Um…yeah but that’s great”…found that very funny!
I wouldn’t lie about my height in my profile…although I am 6 foot. Really! I am! Seriously though, I recommend honest profiles as I discuss in my dating guide. I think it pays off in the long run.
Romcom: romantic comedy. I had to Google that…hopefully I’m not the only one.
Lying in regards to the perfect first date…okay, I guess that makes sense!
“Do I drink? Uh…uhhhh…”
Great advice at the end of the video

So I was really surprised at the quality of this video…I really liked it. I’ll look forward to posting the rest of these as they become available. We’ll have to see if the future videos give us as much to chew on (buh dum bump).

Part 2

Here’s part two. Again, a good mix of funny stuff and online dating truth.

Favorite line: “Just think of it like Facebook stalking only this time they’re also looking at pictures of you”

Oh, and if you get to the point like Kip did in this video where you are asking yourself, “Now what do I write?”, here’s my take on that: Online Dating First Messages.

More First Email Examples for Online Dating

Brad — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 16:00:34 +0000

I cover my approach writing first emails with online dating in my post First Contact Email Examples. In that article I also give some examples of how I would write some first emails based on several random dating profiles.

In this article, I will review some more first dating emails based on advice I gave to a reader. He provided me with three emails he wrote and I reworked them to be closer to what I would have written. He was disappointed with the number of responses he was receiving (although I think it’s important to keep in mind there are many reasons you may not get responses, not just how you write your email)

As I talk about in my guide, I don’t believe anyone has the dating/realtionships thing fully figured out. Some of us have more experience or better insight than others but at the end of the day we’re all just making our best guesses. With that in mind, I’m not saying his emails are bad. I just believe based on my own experience they can be improved upon because sometimes we make our first emails out to be more than they should be.

Also, I’ll be showing examples similar to the emails he sent. Because I want to avoid revealing any reader’s identity, I’m changing the specifics of his emails. I’m not going to change the general tone or point of the emails but I am trying to ensure he remains anonymous by changing some of the specifics.

Online Dating Email Example 1

Here is my reader’s first email to a girl who was originally from the same area as him

Lonestar State

What’s up? The first thing that grabbed my attention about your profile was your username…I moved to Seattle from Texas a few months ago…I love it out here but I do miss home a lot. Where are you originally from?

I really liked what I read about you and your interests. While I do live in the ‘burbs, I am absolutely in love with Seattle. I try and go to the city whenever I can…it just has a great atmosphere to be in. I love exploring and getting lost and it seems like you are pretty similar in that regard. I love going to the Space Needle, the museums, and Pike Market just to name a few activities. I’m a pretty laid back guy … down to earth, genuine, and fun are what I look for in other people.

I’d love to chat and hear more about you. What’s your favorite part(s) about living in the city?

And here’s how I would have written this first email:

Lonestar State

I really liked your profile! I am absolutely in love with Seattle although I’m new here from Houston a few months ago…what’s the best place for someone new to the city to go? I’d love to chat and hear more about you.

I realize this might look like not enough but for me keeping it short like this worked well in first emails.

There wasn’t anything “wrong” in his email but if she replied to my first email that’s when I’d start asking some of those questions. I would also hesitate asking a woman where she’s originally from in a first email. I get why he asks but some people are more sensitive about risks with online dating than others so I’d save it for a later email.

Online Dating Email Example 2

Brunch??

Hi there, how are you? How do you enjoy teaching in the city? I recently moved to Seattle for work from Texas and I really love it here so far. You seem like the kind of energetic, open person I might get along with. I love staying busy, and I can usually have fun doing just about anything. I’m very much looking forward to the summer and nice weather. I really want to go to the city as much as I can. I’d love to hear more about you. Would you like to chat sometime…or since you like brunch so much, maybe meet in the city at somepoint?

Enjoy your weekend

And here’s how I would have written this second email:

Courage!

A teacher in the city? You’re a braver soul than I am! I liked your profile and I’d love to hear more about you. Would you want to grab a coffee together sometime?

Again, I just shorten things a lot here. I assume she’ll appreciate the teacher comment based on friends I have who are teachers. I change it from brunch to coffee because coffee is easier to do than brunch for most people (and I can’t help but wonder if every guy would ask her out to brunch because it’s in her profile).

I’ve added what could be considered a weird email title because I’ve found odd email titles encourage opening the email. If you see an 10 emails in your inbox with the title “Hi” and one with the title “Courage!” which one do you open first? Maybe it’s just me but I pick the weird one.

Online Dating Email Example 3

Here’s his final email example:

Hang Gliding

Hi, how do you do? You have a great outlook on life, and it seems like a good head on your shoulders. I think it’s really important to make everyday fun. That doesn’t mean always planning out involved activities, but like you said, making anything fun. I’m down to earth, a bit nerdy, and really random. I like to mix up my going out and relaxing nights at home, and always wanted to go sky diving or hang gliding or something along those lines. I’d love to learn more about you.

And here’s my re-working of it:

Starbucks and the Temple of Doom

I think it’s really important to make everyday fun. That doesn’t mean always planning out involved activities, but like you said, making anything fun. I believe I’m great at making almost anything fun…even a boring cup of coffee. I’d love to have the opportunity to prove that to you.

As with the earlier emails, I felt this email had too much of him describing himself and describing what he saw in her. Not bad conversations, just happening too early and maybe better to be had in person (depends on who you’re talking to I guess).

Here I started with his basic premise but also ended with that. I actually loved his title for this email even though it has nothing to do with what is talked about now that I’ve changed it…again because I like odd email titles. Still, as I was writing this I came up with my title and liked it a bit better…but either would work well in my opinion.

General Thoughts on These Emails

Overall I thought the emails were fine but saw these as the biggest changes:

I would shorten the emails. These first emails look like my second emails. I see the first email as something short and simple to get her to look at my profile. Once she responds, I then move into specifics like favorite this or that.
I wouldn’t describe myself in first emails to the women. I might include some of it in a later email but if it’s really important I would just add it to my profile. Likewise, I wouldn’t use the first email to describe your impression of whomever you’re contacting. I understand the idea of paying compliments but again I think that comes later or if you are going to compliment her keep it very simple.

Based on these thoughts, here’s what I recommend to him: write your first emails just like you always do and save them. Then trim down what you wrote like I did. If you get a response, go back to the first email you wrote and send the rest of it to her. I suggest this because I would hate to see my advice to shorten an email somehow stifle what makes someone unique.

The Chance to Prove Me Wrong

One trick I shared with my reader was this: if you change your profile photo and your profile heading, you can contact these same people again in a month or so. Changing these two things about your profile is basically like entering the witness protection program because most of us can’t remember anything beyond these two areas (barring the weird profiles). I would use an very different photo, though. Some women will pick up on the fact that you tried to “fool” them but I don’t think any will be offended. As men we’re expected to not know when to quit!

Obviously this works better with some services than others (eHarmony for example wouldn’t support this idea very well since they’re giving you matches that you move through communication with one time only).

At any rate, I felt this would give him a good opportunity to see if my advice actually worked and I suspect doing the same could also work for many of my other readers.

Why Do People Stop Replying to Online Dating Messages?

Brad — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 16:00:56 +0000

You’ve been sending emails back and forth after meeting using an online dating service. Things are going great! The emails are getting more in-depth, you’re sharing more about each other and a first date seems all but certain.

Then they suddenly stop responding. What’s going on?!

One Reader’s Experience with Disappearing Responses

Below is an email I received recently discussing this very situation:

I have been corresponding with someone on a dating site for a couple weeks. We were emailing each other every other day, and he expressed clear interest in me, with compliments, longish engaged emails, even a hint already in the last one he sent that he might want to meet (we live far apart this would be no small feat).

I feel like I did something and I can’t figure out what it is. The last email I sent to him was nearly a week ago, it was rather long (several paragraphs, I was answering all his questions, offering thoughts and new questions, like in a real conversation) and included a couple compliments to him which I had not done before though he was offering them to me. We’ve been conversing about different meaningful subjects, he asked me to talk about them, so it’s not as if I’m beating him over the head with my thoughts. And yet I think I may have overdone it as I haven’t heard from him in nearly a week, though he’s been on the site. I don’t want to come across as obsessive, or bother him, and I want to be pursued rather than chase him on the computer.

What can you recommend I might say/do to regain his interest or just confirm that he’s still interested without seeming desperate? I don’t understand why he would have meaningful conversations with me, even mention he might want to meet, etc. and then just stop responding. What do I do? I’d at least like to have some closure if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I’m going to try to keep as much as my original reply to this reader in this article however I wanted to point something out: this situation can happen to anyone and it is not uncommon. In this article, I’ll discuss the topic in a way specific to her situation but the advice still can apply to anyone, even if your details differ.

Trying to Understand What Went Wrong (and Why Often Nothing Did)

This is a real guessing game whenever I hear about this situation. I’ll tell you that it’s normally not a great sign mainly because of how easy it is for us to quickly communicate in today’s world and how encouraged we are to do so when we’re interested in someone. When I was excited to talk to a woman I could barely wait to write my next email and actually had to force myself to pause sometimes.

Are Long Emails a Risk?
In this case, I would think it’s unlikely that you did something wrong. When we’re exchanging long emails with one another in online dating, we’ve passed the point where a long email is risky. Long email risky on your first contact? Yes, often it is. However, once the long emails start I believe the (unspoken) social contract has basically been signed and continuing to write long emails it totally acceptable. So the length isn’t something you should worry about.

Can Compliments Scare Someone Off?
The second different you pointed out was that you complimented him. Compliments can go either way. For example, if I wrote a woman said that I thought she was very pretty, that seems safe. If I wrote her and said that I think she’d be a great mother, that often is not fine. Both are compliments but in one case it could scare her off. So I guess it depends on what you were complimenting him on. Often women are very sensitive to avoid scaring guys off when they date online and given some concerns you express in your email along these lines, I would be surprised if your compliments were the problem.

A More Common Explanation
Above, we’ve discussed two possible reasons on why someone would stop responding although honestly we’re starting to inspect the situation with hyper-sensitivity. We’re looking for any possible difference to explain why the person we were talking to disappeared. Your situation will likely vary but my thoughts are generally the same: some tiny detail on the difference in your last email is often not the reason.

So all this talk about what I think isn’t the problem might make you wonder if I have any guesses on what IS the problem. My best guess would be that it is a combination of the nature of online dating and also any areas he may have been concerned about in regards to building a relationship (in this case the distance between the two of you although it could be anything). With online dating it is common (and even encouraged) to be talking to many people at once. A more common possibility for why this is happening could be:

He really likes you and enjoyed communicating with you.
He continued to reach out to other women which is common with online dating.
The distance between the two of you is a concern for him. Again, distance is only one possible reason in the grand scheme of things. For other situations it could be having different religions or beliefs or just something as simple as not feeling a strong connection as quickly as he expected.
He started talking with another woman who he also liked but lived much closer (or shared his religion or that he connected with quicker or whatever).
At this point he’s thinking it would be a better bet to try pursuing the woman closer but at the same time he doesn’t want to hurt you so…he just disappears.

Now I’m not saying this is what happened but I think this scenario is more likely the cause than compliments or long emails. There are any number of things that could happen but I do believe that if he wanted to pursue a relationship with you, he would be. Barring a major emergency, a guy is not simply going to stop talking to a girl out of no where (or vice versa). It doesn’t mean he’s lost all interest in you…more likely he has found something that interests him just as much but is more accessible (closer in this case) to pursue.

Responding to This Situation
All that being said, I think it’s very reasonable for you to reach out to him. I wouldn’t recommend a frontal assault though. That is, I would just come out and say “Why did you stop emailing me?!” I would recommend a simple, pleasant email asking how he’s been. Something along these lines would work fine:

Hi So-and-so,

How have you been doing? Things have been great here although very busy! (Insert something here discussing some part of your life that you’ve discussed with him in the past that you can give an update on). Well, I hope things are going great.

And honestly, you could send an email like this after a few days. You don’t have to wait weeks. I understand not wanting to come off as obsessive or desperate but honestly an email after a few days is neither of these things.

I think one of three things is likely to happen if you send an email like this:

He won’t respond.
He’ll respond but he’ll feel more distant in your communication.
He’ll respond and apologize for not being in contact.

For the first or second case, that would cause me to believe even more in my theory that he has started talking with someone else. In these cases, I think writing an email requesting some closure is totally acceptable. However, be sure you want to walk down this road. There’s no recovery from an email like this (you’ll be asking questions like “Did I say anything wrong?” or “Can you tell me what happened?”). This email isn’t about saving the relationship anymore, it’s simply about understanding what happened so you can learn for the future.

If, on the other hand, he apologizes for being out of touch with you then there is still a chance but I would be cautious. There is very little excuse for him not to have contacted you, even if only to tell you he was going to be very busy anhttp://www.littleredrails.com/blog/wp-admin/post-new.phpd couldn’t communicate much.

We live in a world that makes communicating easy so, even if he does apologize, this whole situation should be counting as a strike against him in your mind and cause you to approach the possibility of a relationship with him with more caution.

Insulating Yourself from this Situation
I don’t have any secret on preventing this situation from happening. It happened to me more than once (twice that I can remember although I know it happened more often than that). While there is no trick to preventing this 100% of the time, there are steps you can take that will cause this situation to matter a bit less.

Specifically, if you’re not already, I think you should be trying to talk to multiple people at once. Many people make the date-a-lot-of-people argument but I make it for a different reason than most. Primarily, it makes these types of situations much easier to handle and they are much less of a bother. You’re more comfortable, you have more opportunities.

Is it ever easy to have someone you like simply drop off the face of the earth? Never. But a full dating schedule definitely lessens the sting. Maybe you already are doing this and that’s great but more than a few of my readers try to treat online dating like old fashion dating (one person at a time) which doesn’t work as well.

At the end of the day, if we’re interested we’re going to respond. When the responses stop, it is often a bad sign but don’t assume you’ve done something wrong. The reasons for stopped communication might simply be out of your control.

Should I Try Online Dating?

Brad — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 04:00:24 +0000

According to Match.com, 1 in 5 relationships are now starting online. Other dating statistics reveal how much acceptance online dating has gained in a short ten-year period. That said, many people still hesitate to use online dating, often only because of what they perceive to be the social judgment attached to it.

Instead of making arguments to address the question of “Should I try online dating?”, I’ll instead ask you a few questions to help you decide if it is worth trying.

Photo by f.stroganov
How Are You Currently Finding Dates?
What methods do you use today to find dates? How well do those methods currently work? Are you meeting the kind of people you are most interested in or is it just random strangers?

If you have trouble answering these questions then in your mind think of the last five dates you went on. If you are finding dates with relative ease then it would seem online dating isn’t something you need. However, if you struggle to find dates or if you can’t even remember how long it’s been since you’ve been on five dates online dating is a great option. Actually, even if you are finding dates with relative ease online dating can help you find more dates so it is still a great way to go.

How Much Do You Have in Common on These First Dates?
While online dating can lead to some crazy first dates, it also brings people together who have similar beliefs and interests. Are your first dates with people you get along with well or is it just random people who you may or may not have shared interests with? While random dating can lead to success, online dating offers you more control over the types of people you are meeting.

Are You More Concerned with Who You Meet or How You Meet Them?
You should be concerned with who you are meeting but for many people the how because far more important. This is sad because you could be missing out on a great relationship just because some other person might think it strange that you met on the internet. Would you trade a great relationship just to avoid have someone thing something about you?

Take 10 Days to Really Decide

Earlier this year I wrote my 10-Day Online Dating Challenge. In those 10 days, I walk you through steps you can take to discover if online dating is right for you…and the great thing is it doesn’t cost a thing to find out. The first three days are spent using a free service and the last seven are spent using the free service and a 7-day free trial at Match.com. If you don’t like the answers you’ve been giving to the questions above, you owe it to yourself to find out if online dating is for you. Don’t just guess or assume you couldn’t use it. Something as simple as a week-and-a-half of your time could change your life forever.

Because Everyone Needs a 2P

Brad — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 04:00:35 +0000

Just for fun, here’s a post over at GameSpy that supposes what things would look like if video game characters had dating profile. You’ll have to be familiar with video games to appreciate these but I found them pretty amusing. I particularly like Luigi’s response to “Do You Want Children”:

Apparently this idea is becoming popular as GamesRadar also has some video game dating profiles in the post If game characters used dating sites. They then opened the idea to their readers and here’s what some of them came up with.

Online Dating Horror Stories…Or Just Dating Horror Stories?

Brad — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:00:55 +0000

You’ll see people complain about how bad their online dates have been. One great site for stories regarding this is Internet Dating Stories (I love the tag line: “The good, the bad, and the OH MY GOD, what were they thinking?!”). Obviously after browsing this site you’ll see there are plenty of bad dates out there originating from the internet. I’ve heard men and women describe bad dates and attribute the entirety of those bad dates to online dating itself. I have some bad news for the people out there who think online dating is the reason they are on bad dates: bad dates have existed long before the creation of online dating in the late 90s.

There have always been bad dates for those who actively date. And that’s the key: for those who actively date. Online dating hasn’t introduced the idea of bad dates. Online dating has simply allowed people who would never date actively to now have a tool that allows them to do so. Some of these same people turn around and claim that online dating is the reason they have bad dates. No, online dating is the reason you have any dates at all. Also, are those weird people you meet any less strange on more traditional dates? Of course not.

Complaining that online dating creates bad dates would be like someone complaining that their car creates a long work commute. The car empowered them to work far from their home…it didn’t create a problem, it solved one. Likewise, online dating often provides the dateless with dates. These people then turn around and claim that the tool solving their problem is the source of their bad dates. Well, technically it’s true! Online dating is the source of their bad dates but it’s really the source of all their dates. Try not to complain that Match.com or eHarmony or whatever only provides bad dates if it’s providing you with all of the dates you have.

Now one argument that may hold some water is the idea that online dating is allowing strange people, who would rarely or never find a date otherwise, to enter the dating scene. I suppose this is true but you have to be willing to accept the good with the bad. When someone has a long work commute, they are accepting the risks that are associated with doing so: traffic, high gas prices, bad drivers and so on.

If it’s true that online dating is responsible for the bad dates, then it must also be responsible for the great dates. If online dating is responsible for the date where that charming man turns out to be mildly insane, then it is also responsible for the date that led me to meeting my wife. You must be willing to accept the bad if you are to have any hope of finding the good (unless you’re lucky like my wife – I was the first man she met dating online!).

Should I Reject or Ignore Unwanted Contact on Dating Sites?

Brad — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:33:10 +0000

Is it better to ignore unwanted contact or come right out and tell someone that you’re not interested? I’ve had this question asked a few times…always by women but I assume some men find themselves asking this question as well. On one hand, simply ignoring people is generally considered rude but on the other explicitly rejecting someone isn’t something most people like to do. For many of us, especially early on in our online dating, this creates something of a dilemma.

So first things first, I’ll explain how I think you should respond and then I’ll go into the details of why:

If this is the first time they have contacted you and you’re not interested I would recommend remaining silent. They may not be the right person for you but they’re probably great for someone out there. Rejection gets both old and depressing, especially when done carelessly (and you may not be as tactful as you think you are). If you explicitly reject someone the wrong way, you may not only be ruining their day but also the day of the person they would have met had they avoided a little too much honesty from you!
If this is the second (or third or more) time they’ve contacted you, go ahead and let them know you’re not interested but leave some mystery as to why. It’s not your job to fix their profile or attitude or anything else so you may see some major problems with the way they are presenting themselves but keep that to yourself.
If they persist, all bets are off and you can be as honest as you want to be. This repeated and unwanted contact begins to approach harassment (even though the person contacting may not see things this way).

Note: If at any point you begin to have conversations of any kind with someone and later decide you’re not interested, you need to let them know. I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t always follow this rule but I should have and you should too.

Why Should I Respond with Silence?
At one time, I was very annoyed by women who never wrote back after I contacted them. My dating habits at the time were that I didn’t want to date more than one woman at a time so I would wait a few days before contacting another woman. I was trying to give the first woman time to contact me back. Over the next few months I learned a few things:

Trying to only talk to one woman at a time is a good way to have very few dates. This is a bad way to approach dating and the opposite approach works far better.
Explicit rejection is no fun

With explicit rejection…well, this turned out to be one of those cases where I thought I wanted it until I actually started to get it. When I started receiving the “you’re not my type” emails, I realized it was much easier and less depressing to assume that she had:

Stopped using the online dating service
Met someone else and hadn’t had time to remove her profile
Left the country to volunteer in a third-world country
Or any other excuse to convince myself that she would love to meet me but other circumstances prevented it

I had women who just wrote back “no”, that one word and nothing more. I had women who wrote back and were more than happy to explain why they weren’t interested, in great detail. I once had a woman write me back a month after I had contacted her to let me know that she had been away but now that she was back she just wanted me to know she didn’t want to talk to me (this one stung in particular since I had forgotten by this point that I had contacted her). I suspect most of these women saw contacting me just to say “no” as “doing the right thing” but I think their attempt to do the honorable thing was a little misplaced.

Finally, if you’re finding yourself on the other side of this question and are getting beat up by a few too honest men or women, don’t take it to heart. You’re going to have to remain persistent to find success whether you’re find rejection in emails or in silence. Don’t let it get you down, it happens to us all!

Crass Men Hurt Everyone in Online Dating

Brad — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 16:53:36 +0000

crass /kras/ – without refinement, delicacy, or sensitivity; gross; obtuse; stupid

I read an article today that got me worked up regarding what some men see as reasonable communication with women. The author, Barbara/Layla, describes a bad online date which isn’t really the problem (we all have those). The problem begins when the man emailed her after the date to let her know he was not interested, in as rude a fashion as his small brain could devise. I’m not even going to repeat his garbage but do recommend you check out her post here. To me, this sounds like a man who sees the world as his stage and the rest of us, in his mind, are just lucky to be there to see him perform. I cannot ever imagine writing something like that to a woman after a date…probably because I always saw them as another person, not some object whose sole purpose was to meet my current demands.

Guys who act like this infuriate me. You might find yourself say, “But why should you care?! As a man, you didn’t have to deal with these jerks!” No, I didn’t have to deal with these men but they do shape the dating environment other men have to work within. Case in point: I believe there is a man out there looking for exactly what Barbara has to offer. And while he struggles with failure in his search, constantly changing who he is to meet what the psychological mumbo-jumbo says he should be, it is actually some other man who is ruining his chances.

I almost missed out on meeting my wife because of another man. She was stood up on her first online date and given some weak line on how “something came up”. If Kate had not already scheduled a date with me, there is a chance she would have given up on online dating all together. It demands the question to be asked: how often does some jerk scare off another man’s perfect match? Based on Barbara’s article, at least once and that’s one time too many.

Guys: It is a good thing to have some class. Treat the ladies you meet with respect. Yes, even if they aren’t exactly what you are looking for. Ladies: try not to hate men in general. Yes, men like Barbara’s date are well deserving of your scorn but they are not the whole of what the sex has to offer!