To be honest, many people who contact me about their profile already have what I would consider to be a good start to a profile. Not always great, but generally if people care enough to contact me then they care enough to try to create a good profile from the get-go. Often it’s just a matter of helping them improve on a solid foundation.

Reviewing the Profile

Today I want to review what I considered to be a good profile and then provide the suggestions I offered to improve it. Note that while I’m changing most of the details she provided about herself to protect my reader’s identity, the advice I provided will remain the same. Below is her profile. I thought she did a good job but I will talk about my suggestions below:

I am not sure how to describe myself here. I don’t often describe myself and this is my first time I’m trying online dating. Ok, here goes! I have an amazing 10 year-old daughter. I have a great career that I really enjoy. I am a product manager in the medical field. I love to learn and like the fact that my workdays are not the same thing every day. Enough about work, I don’t want to bore you with all the gory details! I enjoy traveling and being spontaneous. I enjoy scenic activities even if they are just close to home. However, I don’t do dangerous activities…I definitely know where to draw the line! I’m out-going and enjoy a few nights out a week. My daughter and I have movie night every week so I’m not against staying in, though. I really like to go to plays and the opera as I enjoy the arts. I think I’m artistic myself and would like a man who also enjoys these areas. I enjoy some exercise, sight seeing, and again I like to get out of the house several nights a week. I enjoy a good movie. Not so much comedies in the movie theatre, because they usually aren’t as funny as the promo’s. I’m also not that into “chick flicks” (too much crying or anger) or “first date” type movies (too lame). I like action, drama, suspense, thrillers, and super hero movies. Even though I’m out going, I also like to relax at home sometimes. Read a good book or rebuilding computers (yes, I recently discovered a new fondness for building computers from scratch). I love to play video games on my XBox. Adventure and RPG are my favorites. I’m currently hooked on Skyrim. I also am looking forward to the Old Republic. I’m not into online play with FPS though because I get killed immediately. Wow, I must really sound like a nerd right now! Well I might as well finish off my nerd subject by saying I’m into electronics. I’m an Apple fan as far as their phone and iPad’s. I don’t camp out over night though. Ok enough nerd talk. I hope you haven’t already moved on to the next profile. I practice Tai Chi and I enjoy it because it’s a great stress reliever.
Now for what I’m looking for in a man. I would like to find someone who is great with kids, loyal, fun, and positive. A good communicator but not too clingy. A man who is confident in himself and in life. Who already has found himself and is where he wants to be in life. In other words at this stage of my life I’m not interesting in “fixing” anyone, nor do I want to be the man in the relationship. I want a partner so we can make decisions together and share our lives and feelings together. And it doesn’t hurt if you’re handy! Communication is very important to me. I’m not the type who wants to talk for hours on end, but I do want to be able to talk about anything. I’m not looking for a “daddy” for my daughter. She has a wonderful active relationship with her father. Just be a great male role model and bond well. My daughter is respectful and well behaved. She knows her father and I are never going to remarry so she just wants me to be happy. She doesn’t try to be in competition with anyone I date. If you have kids then you know what I mean. I guess I had better save something to talk about on our first date! If my rambling all over the place here hasn’t made you click away, then don’t be shy! Let me know you’re interested!

Overall, not a bad profile but there were suggestions I made to this reader.

Recommended Changes to the Profile

I’ll be sharing the recommendations that I shared with this reader but I think this is general advice most people can take. Here are my thoughts:

Use More Spacing
People don’t like walls of text. That doesn’t just apply to dating profiles…it goes for almost anything on the web. Even the way I write articles on this website takes into account that people don’t like huge sections of text. With a dating profile, this is pretty easy to fix: just separate the different areas of thought by hitting the enter key a few times.

Instead of listing negatives qualities you don’t want, list the positive qualities you do want. Creating a list of things you don’t want can give other people a bad impression of you. It can come off as stuck-up or being full of yourself (even though this is often not the case). Sometimes it’s just discouraging to the people reading your profile as they’ll feel like they won’t measure up…when in reality you might think they’re great!

I think this advice is good for everyone but honestly I think it’s particularly important for women. Why? Because many women prefer to allow the men to contact them and if you come off as harsh, you may chase a good number of them away.

Less Insecurity
We all can feel insecure about who we are but that’s no reason to include that in your dating profile. In this case, as a guy who’s an admitted geek, I found much of what she was defending attractive. I think a lot of guys would appreciate that a woman likes to play video games or can build a computer from scratch…but she ends up making it sound as if those items will chase men away. To me, things like “Ok enough nerd talk. I hope you haven’t already moved on to the next profile” just don’t belong in our profiles.

Admittedly, she is probably going for some humor when she says this but I still feel it should be avoided. To me, talking yourself down isn’t attractive even when it is funny so I recommend you avoid it. If you feel insecure about some of your hobbies, so be it. I’d be a hypocrite to tell you not to feel that way. However, feeling is one thing, proclaiming it to the world is an entirely different thing.

So avoid all insecurity talk. No apologies, no talk of not know what to write, not talk of “if I haven’t bored you to death and you’re still reading this”. Just describe yourself and assume the best.

Don’t Discuss Previous Relationships
In her profile, she talks quite a bit about her ex near the end of her profile. She actually does so in a positive way but I still recommended that she avoid doing this. In my mind, your profile isn’t the place to describe your ex’s relationship to your children…or really anything about your previous relationships.

It could be anything from having your name on a mortgage with your ex while you try to sell the house to something as small as shared time with them over a pet you got together. In either case, I don’t feel like your profile is the place for this information. These could be important conversations to have if the relationship moves forward but I think including this in your profile is getting things a bit out of order.

Will This Help Someone Want to Date Me?
Finally, I think you should always be asking the question: “Would including this in my profile help someone be more interested in dating me?” Often when I review profiles, I’ll find myself removing small details that in my opinion add clutter to the profile without really adding value. Honestly, this is probably what makes my role in reviewing profiles a bit easier than you might think: I’m often just removing items and don’t have to add much at all.

If it doesn’t help define who you are or if it doesn’t help people understand why they would be interested in you, I think you should consider how much value keeping it brings.

Rewriting the Dating Profile

Below is the end result of me applying the rules above. Now I’m not saying that my version is stellar by comparison to the old version, but I do think it’s a more concise read that will (hopefully) help this woman keep men’s interest as they learn more about her:

This is my first time trying the online scene…so here goes! I have an amazing 10 year-old daughter. I have a great career as a product manager in the medical field that I really enjoy. I love to learn and like the fact that my workdays are not the same thing every day.

I’m not your average woman…but in a good way! I love to play video games on my XBox. Adventure and RPG games are my favorites. I’m currently hooked on Skyrim. I also am looking forward to the Old Republic. I’m not into online play with FPS though because I get killed immediately! I also enjoy reading a good book or rebuilding computers (yes, I recently discovered a new fondness for building computers from scratch). I’m an Apple fan as far as their phone and iPad’s. I don’t camp out over night though!

I’m out-going and I enjoy a few nights out a week. My daughter and I have movie night every week so I’m not against staying in, though. I really like to go to plays and the opera as I enjoy the arts. I think I’m artistic myself and would like a man who also enjoys these areas. I enjoy some exercise, sight seeing, and again I like to get out of the house several nights a week.

I enjoy a good movie. Not so much comedies in the movie theatre, because they usually aren’t as funny as the promo’s. I’m also not that into “chick flicks” (too much crying or anger) or “first date” type movies (too lame). I like action, drama, suspense, thrillers, and super hero movies.

I would like to find someone who is great with kids, loyal, fun, and positive. A good communicator who is confident in himself and in life who already has found himself and is where he wants to be in life. I want a partner so we can make decisions together and share our lives and feelings together. Communication is very important to me. Also, it doesn’t hurt if you’re handy! I’m not the type who wants to talk for hours on end, but I do want to be able to talk about anything. My daughter is respectful and well behaved and I’d like someone who can be a positive role model and bond well.

Let me know you’re interested!

Honestly, I didn’t change too much here. I just followed what I outlined above:

• I added some spacing to make things more readable and I also tried to group the related areas together.

• I removed anything negative. Whether it was something negative she thought about her hobbies or negative in what she didn’t want in a man, it got cut.
• I removed some details to trim down the profile. For example, Tai Chi is interesting but it felt like it could be removed without taking much away from the profile.
• I removed the items that seemed to get too personal such as talk about the ex.

Now I’m not suggesting what I’ve created is perfect and I’ll tell you want I tell those who contact me: take my suggestions and make them your own. I try to provide a template but by no means am I convinced that I can write the perfect profile for someone I don’t know.

That having been said, I hope you find these suggestions helpful and can see why they can make a dating profile more inviting. I always want people to create their profile since your profile should be a reflection of you personally. At the same time, I think general guidelines like these can help.

For more of my thoughts on creating your dating profile, see my post for a step-by-step profile creation guide.

Related posts:

1. A Profile Review
2. A Second Dating Profile Review
3. Writing a Better Online Dating Profile

Recently, Kate was interviewed by the TV channel King 5 in Seattle. I thought this was a really interesting (and helpful) interview and wanted to share it with everyone:

I thought it was interesting how Kate isn’t only helping people with dating profiles but also with LinkedIn profiles and even Facebook (although I guess that makes sense!).

I really liked the discussion “understanding your target”. I guess that phrase isn’t exactly romantic but it’s really true. A lot of people I talk to seem to only be concerned with what other people would like in them, totally abandoning what they’re looking for in a person…and I always do my best to encourage my readers to stop doing that. Online dating isn’t a one-way proposition where you should accept the first person that accepts you! You should be looking for particular qualities and I think Kate’s advice was great here on writing in a way that would resonate with the type of person you’re interested in dating.

I hope you like the video. If you interested, you can also see my take on creating your dating profile in my article step-by-step online dating profile creation guide. You can see the full article from Kate’s interview at King5.com.

Related posts:

1. Online Dating: The Business of People Marketing
2. Are Niche Dating Sites Worth My Time or Money?
3. Should I Reject or Ignore Unwanted Contact on Dating Sites?

The truth is, I run this site and give dating advice in my spare time…which means I don’t have nearly enough time to help rewrite all of my readers profiles. So my goal all along with my step-by-step profile creation article was to enable people to improve their profiles without needing me.

Recently I was contacted by someone regarding their profile and his desire to improve it. I asked him to go through the steps in my guide to creating a profile. I wanted to share the results of this with all of my readers as I am encouraged that the advice I’m offering can really help.

The Profile

Here’s what my reader wrote:

I agreed to look at his profile at the end of which I’m including below (although I’ve changed some details to hide his identity):

The Original Dating Profile

I’ve only been in 2 relationships. My first relationship a few months and the other lasted over 5 years. Does this mean that my next relationship is going to last 70 years? Well no, probably not.

I enjoy watching movies from every genre, including romantic comedies such as 500 Days of Summer, Honeymoon In Vegas, Overboard and You’ve Got Mail just to name a few of my favorites. I’m not afraid to admit that an emotional scene can make me teary eyed every time.

I enjoy listening to every genre of music, having recently taken a liking to Elvis Presley. Watch his performance of “If I Can Dream” on Youtube and then tell me you’re not a fan.

I’m a football fan but my team of choice isn’t the Packers. I know, I know. It’s odd that a football fan living in Green Bay isn’t a Packers fan. I don’t mind if you are though.

Did I mention that I can make you laugh. Well I can try to anyway. The laughter part is up to you.

I’m NOT looking for a one night stand so please look elsewhere if that’s what you’re looking for. Yes, I realize I’m a man. I’m looking for someone who’s honest and trustworthy, that’s enough for me.

As I told my reader, I didn’t think his profile was bad but it didn’t stand out to me either. My main thoughts where:

1. The profile felt too generic and I didn’t get a feel for who he really was or what he wanted.

2. I wouldn’t talk about crying at movies. I have no idea why but I see a lot of guys do this and I really don’t think talking about something like this is going to be the thing that wins a woman over. Sensitivity can be nice but…I’d leave this out.

I suggested he go through the steps in my profile creation guide. I offered to review his “before” and “after” and I also offered to have my wife review it and give a woman’s point of view between the two profiles.

He agreed and here’s what he came up with.

The New Dating Profile

Hello! My name is M and I’m shy at first, but I don’t stay that way for long. I enjoy going to new places and trying new things; especially restaurants. But I still prefer watching a movie in the comfort of my home over going to a movie theater. I’ll listen to anything but country music. I love listening to music while driving or exercising. I’m not a health nut but I try to take care of my body. That’s how I’ve learned to cook chef quality meals, even if my homemade raviolis are more chef boayardee than Emeril Lagasse. I’m a football fan but my team of choice isn’t the Packers. I know it’s out of the ordinary that a football fan living in Green Bay isn’t a Packers fan. But I don’t mind if you happen to be one.

I’d describe myself as honest and trustworthy, which is what I believe to be the heart and soul of any relationship. I also believe that promises aren’t made to be broken. I’m exceptionally loyal, especially to those that mean the most. I’m also very caring and compassionate, having a soft spot for those less fortunate than the rest of us. Did I mention that I can make you laugh. Well I’ll try to anyway. The laughter part is up to you.

This is going to come as a shocker but I’m NOT looking for a one night stand. I’ve only been in 2 relationships. My first relationship lasted several months and the other lasted over 5 years. Does this mean that my next relationship is going to last 70 years? Well, who knows! What I’m looking for is someone who’s honest and trustworthy; who is not only looking for love, but looking for the love of her life! Do you fit this description? Feel free to contact me.

Honestly, I was blown away by the difference. As I told my reader, after reading the second profile even I wanted to date him! Seriously though, I thought it was a huge improvement.

My reader was still being himself which I think is very important. One thing I hated about much of the dating advice I found when I was online dating was that it so often revolved around being someone else. I’ve really tried to make sure my advice doesn’t lead people down that path and I’m thrilled to see that he’s stayed the same guy…just with a stronger profile.

I asked my wife to review both profiles and this was her response:

I was forced to admit to her that I didn’t write it but that’s a wonderful thing.

Writing a Better Dating Profile

So how can you write a better dating profile? Well, I hope you’re sitting down because this is going to come as a shock: I’d recommend you check out step-by-step profile creation guide that I’ve referenced many times here. Obviously it worked very well for this reader and I hope you could have similar results.

That being said, I actually think my reader had the right approach: look at lots of advice. He didn’t just read my advice, he gathered many different opinions. I hope that my advice works for everyone that reads it but I know the reality is that it will work better for some than others.

Having walked down the path of online dating myself, I can tell you that most people offering advice want you to believe that their answer is the only answer. That’s just silly. There so many different personalities/goals/values/outlooks and sometimes good advice for one person just won’t work for another. So, give my advice a try; I really hope it works for you. But if you struggle with it, don’t beat yourself up about it. Perhaps my approach just wasn’t for you.

To me, the important part isn’t that you improve your profile “my way”. The important part is that you keep trying to improve it! The worst thing so many of us do is write our profile at the beginning of our online dating life and then never touch it again.

Related posts:

1. What Should I Include in My Dating Profile?
2. Dating Profile Review: Improving a Good Profile
3. Getting a Professionally Written Online Dating Profile

Benefits of Updating Your Dating Profile

There are several benefits to refreshing your dating profile. The first reason, which is often over-looked, is that as you date online you should begin to better recognize exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. For me, when I first started dating online I thought I had very few requirements. However, the longer I dated online the more requirements I realized I actually had. Had I chose to not refresh my dating profile, I would not have represented myself best and might have even ended up wasting time meeting women who weren’t what I was looking for.

Breathe New Life into a Profile
The second reason to update your dating profile is that a refreshed profile can be like having a brand new profile. There is a trick to this, though: you have to refresh your photos in addition to your text of your profile in this case.

Why does this work? Most people are very visual and as people browse profiles, they begin to ignore people they’ve looked at in the past. If you’ve been on a dating site for several months, updating your profile text and photos can introduce a situation where people begin to review your profile again where they wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s important that you update your text as well, hopefully to better describe yourself and refine what you’re looking for based on your dating experiences. Assuming they read your profile previously and were uninterested, if you leave the text the same then they will likely be uninterested once again.

Big Mistakes in Your Profile
As you read more online dating advice, you may realize that you have made some mistakes in your profile. One reader wrote in and asked me if he should delete his profile and create a brand new one because of this. I would argue that, no, it is not necessary to create a new profile. A simple update of your profile photos and text acts as a “clean slate” for most situations.

More Effective for Women?
I would argue that updating photos is a particularly effective step for women to take if they’ve been dating online for a long time and have started to receive fewer contacts. This is because men are particularly visually oriented when it comes to viewing profiles. Guys can still benefit from updating their photos but often doing so is less effective, especially for those men who do the majority of the initial contacts (which is most of us). Guys could update their profile text and photos and then re-contact women who never responded to their first attempt but odds of this being successful is likely to be hit or miss.

What About My User Name?
Some people argue that your user name on a dating service is very important. I disagree. Of all the things that people seem to ignore the most on dating services it is the user name. Many services don’t even emphasize the user name, instead emphasizing the title of your profile. Other services simply assign you a numeric value for a user name and they remain successful. I would suggest that you not see your user name a hindrance when updating your profile.

What Should I Include in Updates to My Profile?

First, the point of updating your profile should be to better represent yourself and also to improve the odds of people contacting you or responding. Many people only concern themselves with the second part, only being worried about if the change will be improve their number of contacts. While improving your number of contacts is a good idea, improving the quality of your contacts should also be taken into account.

Previously, I’ve written an in-depth article that was a step-by-step guide on creating your dating profile. This guide should be helpful for those thinking of updating their profiles as well. In this article, I outline the areas you should be concerned with to better reflect who you are.

Aside from what is included in this article, also updating the “basic” information of your profile is a good idea. This would include the non-critical items such as your favorite music or movies and so on: areas that help describe you but that would not really define who you are as a person or what you are looking for in someone else.

Tips on Updating Your Dating Profile Photos
In my opinion this is one area where some people simply don’t put enough emphasis. Some singles treat their photos almost as if they don’t matter: they take a photo with a previous boyfriend or girlfriend taken at a bar and then just crop the photo down to themselves. These photos often do a poor job of properly reflecting the person and their success can suffer because of it.

I think the best step you can take to having great photos is simple: take your photos seriously. Don’t be desperate to get new photos online, be intentional about getting great photos online. Some ideas for better photos include:

• Be willing to take photos with the intent for them to be used online. This means not holding a camera away from your body achieving the classic “myspace” look. You’ll want to have a friend or family member assist you with taking the photo.

• If you have a friend who takes photos either professionally or as a hobby, try to have them help you. There are many nuances to photography that many of us are unaware of when taking photos but that we are still able recognize when we see good photos.
• You’ll want clear photos with good lighting. Generally it’s best to have your photos taken outdoors but if you do stay inside make sure there is very good lighting, preferably window lighting.
• As I discuss in my online dating guide, there are services which offer professional photography for online dating. Services like these can be pricey but professional photos can be very effective.
• If you have an OKCupid account, be sure to take advantage of their My Best Face service that has other members help you choose the best photo (it’s free).

Related posts:

1. My Dating Profile Gets Lots of Views But I Get No Emails
2. Online Dating Photos: Tips to Help Improve Success
3. What Should I Include in My Dating Profile?

Photo by TheAlieness GiselaGiardino

Using the Right Photos

I’ve argued this time and time again here but having a great photo is one of the most important things you can do. That said, just because a photo is shot well doesn’t mean it sends the message you hope it does. You may have a very professionally taken photo that sends views a very incorrect message about who you are.

So first, be sure that you have some great photos. Second, services like MyBestFace are something you should take advantage of to ensure you’re selecting the best photos. In some ways, no photo can be better than a bad photo but neither of those options are what you should be striving for.

For good or for bad, men are very visually oriented and there are men who based 90% of their dating decisions off of that one part of your profile.

Improving Your Profile

I know there are men out there who are less inclined to actually read women’s dating profiles but this is not a universal truth. Plenty of men, especially the men looking to date for long-term reasons, pay attention to the profile. I’ve covered this in a few articles that I would recommend you review to ensure you’re building your profile in an intentional

• Creating Your Profile: Overview

• Creating Your Profile: Step-by-Step

Being Accepting

I discuss this in some of the articles I reference above but I want to discuss it again.

As a man, online dating can get discouraging. A man might only get a response for every 5 or 10 emails he sends and then may have even less success moving those responses to first dates. It’s easy as a guy to start looking at women’s profiles and deciding that taking the time to write an email would just be a waste of your time.

From my experience, one of the best ways a woman would discourage me from contacting her was to have a long list items that the men contacting her either cannot have or must have. Even if I fit her requirements, I still found this approach to be a big turn-off…as if I was only there to meet each and every one of her desires. That’s not what I’m looking for in a healthy relationship. Of course I want to make sure I’m a good match for what my date is looking for but there is a line that is crossed when it just becomes a long list like this.

So, from my point of view, acceptance in the way you create your profile is one way to improve contacts (even if that acceptance is created by excluding demands in your profile).

Being Willing to Start the Communication

Some women feel they shouldn’t be starting the communication process. Perhaps that was a rule to follow many years ago but today, and especially with online dating, there is no reason women can’t consider starting the communication process. I discuss this in some detail here.

If you’re not comfortable sending actual emails consider winking. One saying my dad always jokes around with is: “One of the most attractive attributes a woman can have is finding me attractive”. He always laughs when he said it but there is some truth to it…when a woman finds me attractive (even if I had never considered dating her) she suddenly is more attractive. Winking can have this affect and most winks I received when I was dating online came from women I had not considered contacting. Often in these cases I would find myself contacting them after that wink.

As I pointed out, I’m not a woman and don’t have direct experience changing a profile to see more contact from men. I hope my observations help but if you are a woman who has had success improving your contacts I’d love to hear your thoughts and I’m sure other readers would appreciate it as well!

Related posts:

1. Online Dating Photos: Tips to Help Improve Success
2. How Do I Write an Email to a Woman with Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?
3. My Dating Profile Gets Lots of Views But I Get No Emails

Browsing OkCupid, I see so many photos that are clearly designed to minimize some supposedly unattractive trait—the close-cropped picture of a person who’s probably overweight is the classic example. We now have mathematical evidence that minimizing your “flaws” is the opposite of what you should do. If you’re a little chubby, play it up. If you have a big nose, play it up. If you have a weird snaggletooth, play it up: statistically, the guys who don’t like it can only help you, and the ones who do like it will be all the more excited.

What Makes You Different Makes You Interesting
The article goes into detail on this but their theory breaks down something like this:

• Guys have a lot of competition when dating online.

• Most guys realize this.
• If a man sees a quality he likes but believes other men will find it unattractive, he will be excited to contact the woman.

As a man looking back on my online dating life, I can confirm what the OKCupid math shows. When I found a woman that I thought was attractive but at the same time believed others might not, I was very quick to contact her. It seemed like a great opportunity and while I might not have been consciously thinking it, less competition is a very “attractive” idea!

So if you’re a woman out there who feels like your not getting enough contacts, honesty in your photos might be the answer. Stop hiding physical qualities you see as undesirable. It might be painful to consider highlighting what you consider to be your “bad” traits but based on the data (and remembering my own emotions dating online), I would highly recommend at least giving it a try. Who knows what could happen.

Related posts:

1. My Dating Profile Gets Lots of Views But I Get No Emails
2. Should Men Consider Dating Older Women?
3. How Do I Write an Email to a Woman with Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?

If you’re dating online then you have a lot of competition. There are millions of people out there and each one is competing for attention. So how do you make sure your soulmate shows up in your inbox? Take tips from people who know how to get noticed – advertisers. Treat your dating profile like an ad and you can stand out from the competition.

Target your ideal.
I came across the profile with the bold username, “Mr. Herpes”. I was floored. Then I read his dating profile and soon found myself admiring his marketing savvy. This man specifically wanted a partner who had herpes because he knew he’d be more free to enjoy intimacy. By making it clear right off the top what – specifically – he wanted in a partner, he did what advertisers call “targeting”. He attracted women with herpes and discouraged contact from those without herpes. Doing so was an efficient way to get exactly what he needed.

Appeal to your target group.
In advertising, “target group” refers to the group or type of people you want attract. For instance, if you want to attract a partner who loves the outdoors, post a picture of yourself shot in a fantastic spot outside. It will catch the eye of other people who enjoy the outdoors. If you love animals, take a picture with a pet. That will catch the eye of people who loves animals. Though your photo should always focus solely on you, adding a subtle visual clue will attract people specifically “targeted” to you.

Have something to say.
Cleverness is great, but it’s not enough. All advertising – including your own – needs substance. If you’re going to be clever, make sure it speaks volumes about you. I had a client who compared how she felt about her life to how she felt during summer break when she was a child. The metaphor was clever. It also said so much about her happiness and creativity that it had substance.

Conversely, I’ve read profiles that say nothing but “if you want to know something, ask”. That’s the equivalent of going to a party where everyone is exchanging conversation and all you’re doing is standing there, disengaged.

If you don’t write any content to pique someone’s interest, then you give no one anything to ask about. In addition, you’re making the other person do the work of culling information from you instead of being social enough to offer it. Lastly, you’re presuming that showing up on a profile is enough to generate interest. It’s not. There’s a lot of competition out there and you need to rely on more than looks.

If writing a profile and communicating is not for you, then hire a professional dating profile writer or simply don’t online date. It’s not for everyone.

Highlight your benefits.
Good advertisers always promote what makes them better than the competition. They passionately and persuasively tout what makes them worthwhile. Your profile, like a good ad, has to do the same. Figure out what makes you special and how someone’s life would improve with you in it. Don’t brag but don’t be reluctant to assert yourself and be confident about your attributes.

The unique selling point.
In advertising, there’s a term called Unique Selling Point (USP). All successful brands have a USP that they promote to give them an advantage over competitors. In online dating, you don’t need to focus on one unique point but you do need to focus on being unique overall.

As an exercise, scan a few dating sites and read some of the profiles. So many say the following: love to laugh, love laughing, love sunsets. These points, as well as “not into drama or head games”, are not unique. Doesn’t everyone love to laugh? Is anyone ever into head games? Avoid clichés and say something different at least as an opener.

If you do seem to like all the things that everyone else likes then say so in a unique way. For instance, if you love animals, say you love animals and accost every one. If you love sunsets, describe the most beautiful one you’ve seen. In other words, be specific so that everything you write makes “you” stand out.

Make sure your brand character is consistent.
A brand character is an overall personality. For a brand to be trustworthy and successful, it has to maintain a consistent character throughout all its communications. McDonald’s consistently offers big meals at great prices. BMW has always advertised performance and style. Apple’s simplicity is well established. By being consistent, brands instill confidence and trust because customers always know what they’re getting and what to expect.

Consistency is especially important when dating online because you’re trying to earn the trust strangers. If you claim that family and relatives are the most important people in your life then don’t say you’d relocate in a heartbeat for the right person. Don’t say you’re easy going then go on a rant about your pet peeves.

Though you show how multi-faceted you are, always keep your values and character consistent.

Keep it fresh.
Successful brands stay up to date and never let their packaging look tired. This is important in online dating too. Sometimes you need to stay on a site for several months until you find the right one. I even suggest that you post your profile on several sites. However, stay fresh. If the same people see the same photo and profile all the time and everywhere, you’ll begin to look tired and unwanted. So freshen it all up regularly. A dating profile on a site, like a product on a shelf, needs to be dusted off every once in awhile.

Spell check.
Most ads are proofread for spelling and grammar before being published. Your profile should be too. Seeing a spelling mistakes on a profile is as sloppy as walking out with a stain on your clothes.

Apply these advertising tips to your online dating profile and you’ll be marketing yourself like a pro. In no time, you could go from being one of many to being the one.

Kate Houston is President and Founder of trysweettalk.com, one of the only online dating profile writing services to leverage subtle, but highly effective, ad techniques so that dating profiles stand out and compete among the millions out there.

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3. Gaffs Guys Make on Dating Profiles

Photo by helgasms!

Your Dating Profile

Your profile should reveal the core of who you are. Any area that you feel helps define who you are as a person should be included. However, many of us don’t stop there. We start to get into details that just aren’t necessary: discussing how our previous relationships ended, revealing in too great detail what we expect in a relationship, discussing marriage in excessive amounts or just going out of our way to reveal the smallest details about ourselves.

There are a few problems with revealing excessive amounts about yourself in your profile.

1. The first reason, and perhaps often overlooked reason, is the length of your profile. I’ve read profiles that reveal so much that you had better get comfortable if you plan on finishing it. Even when I’m just reviewing a single profile for someone, I sometimes have to be careful to avoid skimming their profile. If I’m logging onto a site to read just one profile and have trouble finishing the profile, how will other who are looking at dozens of profiles handle it?

2. People often make relationship decisions for bad reasons. They’ll refuse to date someone because they have the smallest detail in common with an ex or they will have unreasonable requirements of the people they date. For these people, who often mean well, the more you reveal about yourself the more they are likely to reject you for something that probably shouldn’t matter.
3. You want to avoid coming off as strange. Most of us, if we date online long enough, will run into a strange character or two. After you’ve been on a few dates like this, you begin to go out of your way to identify these potential bad dates as early as possible. What you don’t want to have happen is to have someone else label you as that guy or girl who should be avoided. The problem is you really can be perfectly normal and through revealing too much in your profile can come off as odd.
4. Leaving a little mystery about yourself isn’t a bad thing. In fact, being a little mysterious can even cause others to want to learn more about you.

So What Do I Include in My Dating Profile?!

Not sure what to include in your profile? If you can’t decide what should be in and what should be out, the rule I use is this: Is this something I could see myself talking about within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone? For example, I could definitely see myself discussing my job, my hobbies, my family, what I’m looking for in someone I date or other general areas like this. It is difficult for me to see myself talking the details of my favorite book, getting into philosophy in any way, discussing pulling video game all-nighters or other topics that really have no place being discussed when it comes to making a good first impression.

For anyone still unsure, I would recommend reviewing my step-by-step profile creation guide which walks you through a process that I believe will help you create a profile that contains just enough information.

Related posts:

1. A Profile Review
2. If I Am Shy, Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile?
3. Writing a Better Online Dating Profile

• If you decide to contact me, I’m very flattered.
• Please contact me if you would like to chat.
• I hope you decide to send me an email!

There are a few reasons this approach is a bad idea.

Reason 1: You Don’t Want to Appear Desperate
You might not be desperate but often your words will tell another story. Perhaps the wrong story but they still say something. I talk about this in my post Does You Online Dating Profile Say What You Think It Does? In some cases, asking (or even begging) people to contact you might not hurt your profile. However, remember that you are always fighting the bad impressions the people who have come before you have created. If a woman has had to deal with a weird guy or three, she’s going to be on the lookout for anything out of place. If a man earned himself an online stalker he’s going to start taking the same precautions. Having dated online actively, my experience has shown that there are far more normal people than weird. That said, it only takes one bad experience to open our eyes to what could happen on these online dates. After that point, I can guarantee you’ll be under the microscope.

Reason 2: People Know How Online Dating Works
You don’t need to explain to people how to communicate with you. Everyone already knows. The idea that someone looked at your profile, thought you were great and wanted to contact you but just couldn’t figure out how is not happening. “But what if they are nervous about contacting me or shy?” First, simply stating that you invite emails isn’t going to give nervous person courage. Everyone is inviting contact by the virtue of having a dating profile. Second, you can’t write your profile for the minority of people at the risk of driving away the majority. In other words, do everything you can to remove anything questionable from your profile. Including innocent statements that someone else might see as desperation.

Reason 3: Are You Selecting or Being Selected?
A cousin of desperation is low self-esteem. When you word your plea for contact the wrong way you might be telling your potential dates: “I’ll take anyone!” Again, I’m not saying that you have low self-esteem by asking for contact but I would suggest that you might give that impression. Remember: you need to see online dating as an opportunity for you to find what you’re looking for. Your goal should not be to provide someone else everything they are looking for. Not only that, giving the impression that you’ll settle for anyone in unattractive. No one wants to be that “special anyone”, they want to be that “special someone”.

Reason 4: You Don’t Need to Prove that You’re Nice
Some people want to include something nice or encouraging in their profile and see including a statement like “I hope you decide to contact me!” as the way to do it. Yes, that is a nice statement but as I’ve shown above it may do more harm than good. Just as you don’t need to prove that you’re funny in your profile, you also don’t need to prove that you’re nice.

A Better Way To Encourage Contact

I believe there are two better approaches to ending your profile. First, not saying anything at all about contacting each other is totally fine. That’s probably the easiest approach as well. As I’ve said in my online dating guide, just coming off as normal can go a long way for your dating profile. Avoiding appearances of desperation or low-self esteem will improve your odds at being contacted.

The second method is more direct and while like the examples at the beginning of this post there is a significant difference. At the end of your profile, describe the type of man or woman you are looking for. After that, a comment stating that a person who fits the bill should be encouraged to contact you is fine. Here’s an example:

The woman I’d like to meet loves to travel. She’s excited to try something new and appreciates my quirkiness. She loves learning and excited to share her experiences with the man in her life. If this sounds like you, feel free to contact me.

But why would this work so much better? Is it really that much different? I think so. In this example, there can be no confusion over desperation or low self-esteem. The point is clear: I’m looking for particulars in the person I date. If that sounds like you, we should talk. If not, I wish you the best of luck. There’s no desperation. There’s no low self-esteem. Not only is it a strong way to encourage contact it actually strengthens your profile as you’re defining some things you’re looking for. Not only will you encourage contact, you’ll encourage contact from those who fit what you’re looking for.

Related posts:

1. Women I Contact Look at My Profile but Never Respond
2. Why Do Men Ignore What I Require in My Dating Profile?
3. If I Am Shy, Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile?

First, you need to keep in mind that your user name is not going to be very important in the grand scheme of things. Because of that, please don’t over-think this! No one is going to pick or reject you based on your user id and I personally can’t remember any user ids that have really jumped out at me. Generally speaking, you should make your user id whatever you want it to be. That said, I would say there are a few rules on what you shouldn’t make your user id.

Second, you should not reveal too much about yourself with it as others will see it. As an example, your first and last name or your home address would be bad ideas for your user name. Not that most people are going to use their home address but some people might enter their full name…make sure that person isn’t you.

Next, I would recommend against using your standard user id such as the id you use for your personal email account. Again, this is about protecting your identity and you would be amazed at what you can find with just an email address or a user id. Check out Pipl to see exactly what I mean. The amount of data we post online about ourselves these days makes taking some extra caution worth the effort.

Finally, if you’re a woman and you want to insert words like “sexxxy” into your user id that’s fine but be aware some men do spam women on online dating service. I’m not claiming it will happen but you might be inviting more of this type of contact with a name like this. It’s a pretty small risk and more of a minor annoyance than anything else but keep it in mind.

Aside from those issues, you shouldn’t be worried about your user id. A hobby or an emotion or a nickname all work fine, although you may need to add a random number since many user names will already be taken. If you just can’t think of anything you can use a name generator (see the Online Handle Generator on this page). Just use good judgement! When I tested out the name generator the first one it gave me was “QuicklyBiting” which probably isn’t the best profile name!

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1. Why Haven’t Free Dating Services Beaten the Pay Services?
2. Should I Use Multiple Online Dating Services?
3. Finding Good Deals for Online Dating Services