Online Dating Guide » dating articles

Online Dating After Divorce

Brad — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:00:21 +0000

A marriage can seem like a lifetime, and it is certainly supposed to be. But we all know life doesn’t work out like that, and things change. Divorce can be an incredibly stressful and exhausting process but once you’ve got through the other side, when is the right time to start dating again?

The answer is…there is no answer. Sorry, but only you know when you’re ready to dip your toe in the dating pool. The important thing to remember is, don’t rush into anything. It’s unlikely that you’ll be searching for another marriage so soon, so now is the time to relax and have a good time! But there are a few things to think about when searching for the perfect date online:

What are Your Interests?
We’re all guilty of the odd fib but your online dating profile should be honest about who you are. So putting that you love sky diving just to impress a potential partner will only end in disaster! If you prefer cooking at home and going to the theatre, say so, there is likely to be someone out there who shares the same passions and interests as you. And it’s never too late to find a new hobby.

When in a long term relationship, things can get in the way of us pursuing our hobbies. Maybe you were really passionate about something, but your other half wasn’t so keen? In that case, now is a better time than ever to rekindle your interest in an old hobby. You never know, you may even meet someone! If not it’ll give you the opportunity to be the person you want to be, and create an honest online dating profile.

Make Time for Loved Ones.
Although it is important to get out there and meet new people, make sure you take your old friends along for the ride. Just because you’re moving on with your life it doesn’t mean you have to start all over again. Make sure that you don’t spend all your free time looking out for a new partner. Set aside time to go out with friends and make time for your family. But it’s okay to be selfish sometimes too.

Remember to Find Time for Yourself
Go to the gym, exercise classes, anything! It can be tempting to let yourself go a bit when you’re married. Everyone does it! But now you’re single you need to start looking after yourself. The better you look and the healthier you feel will make you both more confident and positive about the future. And for when you do find your perfect date, confidence and positivity will make you more attractive!

But most of all remember to have a good time, relax and don’t put any pressure on yourself!

This article is a guest post by Sarah who is a friend of the site. If you would be interested in writing a guest post please feel free to contact me.

Cultural Dating Divides

Brad — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 16:00:24 +0000

The concept of courtship has been around since the beginning of time. It is built into our genetic make-up, from peacocks strutting about the lawns and parading their plumage, to knights serenading damsels with songs and poetry. Today, courtship manifests itself in the dating world. Going on dates is now an enormous part of the average singleton’s social calendar. There are so many avenues for meeting potential partners, from speed dating to online dating sites, and it’s no wonder that some people have at least a date a week.

But how does this differ to dating in the rest of the world? Does every culture have the same dating etiquette? Here are a few countries where dating has a very different meaning…

Afghanistan

Interaction between girls and boys is rare in Afghanistan before marriage. They go to separate schools, and both have strict curfews – 7pm for girls and 11pm for boys. Most marriages are arranged, and often the first time the bride sees the groom will be at the wedding ceremony itself.

Brazil

Unlike in Europe, where group dates are relatively common, they are unheard of in Brazil. Here, people have very long courtship periods, and dating can go on for years before the two marry or take the relationship further.

Central and South America

For those in Latin America, dating is forbidden before the age of 15. From then on, dating usually takes place in large groups.

China

The Chinese don’t begin dating until they are in their twenties. Also, people here have far fewer dating partners; it is usual to only have one or two before getting married. Arranged marriages are also very common.

Iran

In Iran, dating is actually illegal. Girls and boys are kept apart until they reach marrying age. Then parents set up introductions between them before they marry.

Japan and Korea

In Japan and Korea, most high-school students don’t date or go to parties, but spend their time studying instead. Dating begins in college, when only boys do the asking and pay for the dates.

Kiev

In Kiev, it is considered unfeminine for women to shake hands or hold hands. While dating, women will hold their suitor’s arm instead.

Even though the etiquette may be different, whether you’re white or black dating in Russia or Australia, the ultimate aim is still the same – courtship, love and potentially marriage.

This article is a guest post by John who is a friend of the site. If you would be interested in writing a guest post please feel free to contact me.

Dating Philosophy for Everyone

Brad — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 19:00:47 +0000

In this review I’m going to discuss the book Dating Philosophy for Everyone: Flirting With Big Ideas. First and foremost, let me say that this is a philosophy book that discusses dating and not the other way around. When I was first asked to review the book I had assumed it would be a traditional “how-to” with philosophy thrown in. This is not the case at all…not that this is a bad thing.

As it lays out in its forward, Dating Philosophy aims to discuss areas ranging from ancient teachings to the intimacy in a virtual space (that is, the internet). This book is not a guide to dating but instead more a guide to better understanding aspects of dating and to a certain degree relationships in general. This book is actually a collection of papers written on different areas of dating that are split into five different categories:

Part I Getting Started: From Flirting to Dating
Part II No-No’s: Dating Taboos
Part III Rolling Right Along: Dating Like a Pro
Part IV Another World: Cyber-Rendezvous
Part V From Date to Mate: Natural Selection?

Because this book is a collection of papers from different authors on varying topics, instead of a traditional review I’ll instead talk briefly about some of the chapters I found most interesting. Hopefully this will give you a good idea on what you can expect to find within Dating Philosophy. Before I talk about the chapters let me point out that I am not a philosopher and this book was far “deeper” than my normal reading so take my thoughts with that in mind!

Thoughts on a Few Chapters…

Chapter 1: The Philosophy of Flirting by Carrie S. Jenkins
This chapter aims to better define flirting…that is, to better define it compared to how a traditional dictionary does (which the author found to be inaccurate). How flirting should be defined is discussed in great details and makes points including:

There are differences between flirting and being flirtatious
Flirting is always intentional (although the author seems to be ready to point out some weaknesses with this argument)
It is possible to flirt without flirting with anyone

As I read the first chapter I quickly realized how academic this book was going to be. For example, the chapter ended with the following which defined what the author saw as conditions for flirting:

First, the flirter should act with the intention to do things which are disposed to raise flirter-flirtee romance and/or sex to salience for the flirtee, in a knowing yet playful manner. Second, he or she should believe that the flirtee can response in some significant way.

Now intelligent/academic writing isn’t a bad thing at all but it was at this point that my assumption that this was a dating book with philosophy thrown in for good measure was destroyed! The author is digging into the topics far deeper than I had anticipated but it remained surprisingly interesting.

Chapter 5: “Crazy in Love” by Mary Beth Yount
I enjoyed this chapter as it was in part a look at love from a biological point of view. I also liked that the beginning of the chapter it laid out the different types of love: eros, philia, storge and agape. I was actually familiar with three of those already but it was a good refresher (and also a reminder of how imprecise the English language can be compared to some other languages). This chapter discussed some of the science of love, such as brain patterns that occur when we view those we love and how those patterns can change over time in that relationship. The chapter eventually reveals that the biochemical rewards of love can actually be addictive (and even activate the same areas of the brain as cocaine!)

Chapter 8: Buy My Love by Kyla Reid and Tinashe Dune
I include this chapter mostly because I found myself agreeing with the arguments presented. This chapter discusses another book called “The Rules” which instructs women on the exact steps that they should take to find love. I dislike advice like this and go out of my way to avoid suggesting that there is only one way to do things in my own advice. Where I was bothered by this type of advice because a) I could remember how it didn’t work for me and b) because I think much of this advice is more about marketing than it is about truly helping people, the authors here take some different exceptions with it.

The main argument they make is that a business-like approach to a relationship, where the man is expected to meet strict requirements including meeting certain types of gift giving rules, begins to blur the line between the woman taking the advice and sex workers/”professional girlfriends”. They argue the approach of women looking for love but treating this search like business transactions is not the way to go (and again, obviously I agree).

I imagine some will disagree with the authors’ point-of-view but it is an interesting read regardless.

Chapter 14: How to Be Yourself in an Online World by Dan Silber
Well, I had to include this chapter since it’s on online dating! The author describes how he (like me) met his wife using Match.com. He discussing the virtual aspects of online communication and how it exists as a fragmented form of communication. He also discusses in some detail his personal experience with meeting his wife and later talks about self-definition and authenticity. From the part on authenticity he states:

Online dating, with its invitation to experiment with self-definition, makes avoidance of inauthenticity difficult, but not impossible.

This statement really jumped out at me because it reminded me of my own experience with online dating: when I started dating online I was (unintentionally) less authentic. Partly I was trying to be what I thought others would want me to be but also because in the beginning, I now realize, I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I was trying to be everything to everyone and was having success with exactly no one. However, the more I dated, the more comfortable I got. And as I became comfortable my ability to both define myself and what I was looking for in that “special someone” became much clearer and more authentic.

Will This Book Help Me Improve My Dating Life

So…will this book help improve your dating life? Honestly I would say…maybe. I would say that by no means does this book have the goal of holding your hand and explicitly equipping you to have better dates. At the same time, the knowledge and thoughts shared by its authors can give a better understanding behind why we as humans do what we do or act in certain ways as we search for a mate.

So, if you’re looking for an instructional book this isn’t the place to start. However if you enjoy philosophy and are dating (or find the topic interesting), then by all means this is a book you would want to check out. You can read more about the books at the publisher’s site, Wiley.com.

Want My Copy of the Book?

If you would like my copy of this book (and I only have one!) you’re welcome to have it. Just leave a comment below on why you would like to read this book and as long as you convince me you’re really interested in the topic, I’d be happy to ship it to you for free.

Note: I received a copy of this book for free in order to review it.

Twitter Wrap-up November 2010

Brad — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 04:00:55 +0000

Here are some of the articles I’ve discussed on Twitter in the last month with some additional thoughts:

TSA Partners with Match.com
Okay, so this isn’t seriously happening this is pretty funny parody poking at the new TSA pat-downs.

Dating messages so bad that they’re good
Free dating sites have big benefits (they’re free!) but they often come at a cost, especially for the women who have to deal with lots of crazy emails. This post highlights one woman’s perspective and shares some of the crazy emails she has received. I always wonder who the people are who are writing these types of messages.

Online dating myths miss the mark
There are a lot of online dating myths out there, normally spread by those who have never tried online dating in the first place. This is an interesting article that takes apart many of these arguments. I particularly like the argument on cost and have found myself making a similar argument here in the past.

Dating scammers new approach: posing as deployed soldiers
Many dating scammers generally take the approach of gaining your trust while ensuring you can never meet and eventually asking for money. This is often accomplished by claiming to be a foreigner or having a job overseas. A new, and perhaps more believable, approach that scammers are taking is posing as deployed soldiers and then eventually asking for money. As I’ve said before, if money ever enters the picture there is a good chance you’re dealing with a scammer!

Online dating was illegal in Santa Monica?!
Online dating was technically illegal in Santa Monica, CA until recently. It was actually an antiquated law to prohibit “personal introductory service, marriage bureau, lonely hearts club, or other business of a like nature” but when online dating came along it fell under this law as well.

8 ways online dating is changing
A discussion from a pretty high level on how online dating is changing, from dating scams to ghostwriters to sexting.

What Women Can’t Stand

Brad — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 04:00:45 +0000

If you are using eHarmony, you’ll know that as a part of your profile you fill our your “Must Haves” and your “Can’t Stands”. At the risk of stating the obvious for those not familiar, “Must Haves” are the features you expect your match to have while your “Can’t Stands” are the qualities you don’t want your match to have.

These different qualities are used early in the communication process at eHarmony to either help you eliminate potential bad matches or offer encouragement that you should continue to communicate with your match.

Photo by Katie Tegtmeyer

Recently, eHarmony released their top 10 “Can’t Stands” for women using their service. You can check out their full breakdown of these different areas here but a quick breakdown of the list is as follows:

10. Forgetful/inconsistent
9. Lazy
8. Illegal Drug Use
7. Anger/Loses Control
6. Messy
5. Deviousness/Drama
4. Cheating
3. Being Mean
2. Manipulate or Takes Advantage of Others
1. Lying

Thoughts on the List

My first thought is that I’m surprised to see cheating come in at #4. Lying makes sense at #1, and in a lot of ways, cheating is just another form of lying. That said, I’m surprised to see the suggestion that more women dislike being mean than cheating. I guess in my mind cheating would be on everyone’s “Can’t Stand” list!

Other than that, the list makes sense. Still, I remember when I was using eHarmony always thinking to myself, “Who’s going to admit to being a cheater or a liar or whatever?” It’s not like we’re going to find people listing those qualities in their profile!

Lying is the worst of all. Everyone is going to say they aren’t liars: the honest ones will be telling the truth and the liars will be lying…but everyone will give the same answer. So the one area that is hated the most is the toughest to detect! Go figure.

I always felt like the “Must Haves” worked better because you could compare your “Must Haves” with theirs. The closer you match in these areas, the better.

How Your Voice Could Make Your Match

Brad — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 04:00:43 +0000

Photo by hans van rijnberk

We all have different voices – some screechy, some mellow; some high, some low. To some extent, our voices play a key part in attracting and being attracted. Seductive, charming, confident voices; Australian accents, Scottish accents, Irish accents – we all have our preferences. Yet little would we suspect that the simple matter of vocal pitch could have an immense influence on our emotions.

Recent research has actually proven that men are attracted to higher-pitched women, and women, in turn, are drawn to lower-pitched men. A study by Aberdeen University has actually shown that the higher the voice of the woman, the more attracted she is to a deep-registered man. The researchers tested 113 heterosexual female undergraduates, measuring their voice pitch by asking them to recite vowel sounds, a sentence and a passage of text. They then had to decide which voice they preferred as four recordings of differently pitched men saying either “I really like you” or “I really don’t like you” were played to them.

The general results showed a decided preference for the lower-toned men. But with the higher-pitched women who heard “I really like you”, there was almost a universal partiality towards the more masculine register. However, the “I really don’t like you” results saw a less marked difference in the choice of higher- and lower-toned women. So, women with higher voices – whether in Manchester dating or in Madrid dating – will prefer nice men with a deep tone of voice!

In addition to this, a study from the University of California confirmed that a woman’s voice pitch changes depending on her menstrual cycle. It seems that it is her unconscious goal at this time to enhance her attractiveness by making herself appear more feminine. 69 women were tested at various stages of ovulation. On average, they were seen to increase their pitch by a whole semi-tone from the least to the greatest level of fertility. This means that during this time, as the previous study has shown, they will be more attracted to the deeper-registered man.

It is largely unknown what this quality indicates in a person. High-toned women could appear healthier to a man due to their higher levels of oestrogen and consequent assurance of a working reproductive system. For men, however, it is slightly more unclear. For a deep voice doesn’t necessarily indicate size – perhaps it is the simple assurance and confidence this kind of register can command. As Dr Alan McElligott of Queen Mary, University of London concludes, “the exact link between quality of the men and pitch of the voice is not known.”

So, all dating UK trends depend to some extent on vocal pitch. Apparently, we are no different from the countless animals that show outward signs of fertility or seduce each other with their low and high calls.

Photo by su neko

This article is a guest post by John who is a friend of the site. If you would be interested in writing a guest post please feel free to contact me.

The Loneliest Days of the Week

Brad — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 04:00:46 +0000

When I first started providing dating advice, I had assumed that I would have more visitors to my site on the weekends. My thinking was that people would be reminded of being single the most on the weekends and therefore would be looking to solve that problem then. Well, that theory turned out to be incorrect – at least as far as my site statistics are concerned. For as long as I’ve been tracking the traffic to my site I have actually seen consistent spikes in traffic on Sundays and Mondays. Below is a graph that shows 6 weeks of traffic for my site with Sundays being represented by the red line:

Sundays are on the red lines and as you can see, when Sundays aren’t the busiest day of the week, Mondays are.

But What Does This Mean for Singles?

It turns out that people are looking for dating advice the most after the weekend has ended (well, at least the people coming to my site). Sundays and Mondays are easily my most visited days. But what does all this mean for singles that are online dating?

The truth is it may not mean much, however, these numbers would suggest that many people are the most frustrated with their single life early in the week. If that’s true, it might be most beneficial to send extra emails or other communication during Sundays and Mondays. The thought here is that on these days people are most motivated to solve their dating life “problem” and thus may be more open and interested in communicating.

Now my web site traffic only makes up a small portion of the total online dating advice searching occurring each week but after months of watching this pattern happen over and over again, I have to believe that other internet dating sites see a similar pattern. This would actually probably be best answered by OKCupid since they are the primary source for online dating statistics but I wouldn’t be surprised if they saw the same results as I am.

Online Dating Questions: FAQ

Brad — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 04:00:23 +0000

Over the last few years, I’ve answered many online dating questions. In this post, I’m going to keep a collection of my favorite posts among them. If you have an online dating question that I’ve not answered at this site please feel free to contact me.

If you’re looking for good first date questions, check out this article instead: First Date Questions

Online Dating Questions:
Why Do Men Ignore What I Require In My Dating Profile?
Match.com vs eHarmony: Which Is The Best Dating Service?
How Does eHarmony Work?
How Does Match.com Work?
Is It Normal To Try Online Dating Several Times?
What Is A Good User Name For An Online Dating Services?
Match.com Questions And Answers?
Is The Chemistry.com Free Trial Worth It?
Should Men Consider Dating Older Women?
What Is The Price Of Chemistry.com Subscriptions?
Can You Get A Second Chance After A Bad First Date?
Who Should Pay On The First Date?
Is Silence Rejection With Online Dating?
eHarmony Is Giving Me No Matches
Should I Lose Weight Before Dating Online?
New To Dating Online: Where Should I Start?
Does Your Dating Profile Photo Say What You Think It Does?
If I Am Shy Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile?
What Is The Price Of Eharmony Subscriptions?
Do Cheesy Pick Up Lines Really Work?
Are Niche Dating Sites Worth My Time Or Money?
Why Are People Rejected By eHarmony?
Should I Email Again If My First Gets No Response?
When Should I Give My Phone Number?
Why Desperation Is So Unattractive?
Dating Services How Long Should I Sign Up For?
Is Online Dating Worth It?
Is Blank A Good Topic For A First Date Conversations?

Why Do Men Ignore What I Require In My Dating Profile?
This question is in regards to why men continue to contact women when those men are clearly not what the woman’s profiles states that she is looking for. This is very frustrating for these women who take the time to create a profile that describes exactly what they are looking for only to have the profile entirely ignored (well, excluding their photo).

Match.com vs eHarmony: Which Is The Best Dating Service?
A comparison of eHarmony and Match.com to identify which dating service is best for your personal situation. Neither service is always a better choice than the other but your conditions can make one of the two be the preferred service.

How Does eHarmony Work?
Detailed information on signing up and using the dating service eHarmony. Features are covered in details and advice on using the service is also given.

How Does Match.com Work?
Covering how Match.com works with advice on profiles, signing up and additional features at the service.

Is It Normal To Try Online Dating Several Times?
Many people try online dating, give up and then find themselves coming back to try online dating again. Is this normal?

What Is A Good User Name For An Online Dating Services?
Covering the process of selecting your user name at a dating service. The user name is not very important but there are a few rules you should follow.

Match.com Questions And Answers?
There are many general frequently asked questions about Match.com and many of these questions are answered here.

Is The Chemistry.com Free Trial Worth It?
Chemistyr.com offers a free trial but is the trial worth it? The answer to that depends on what you’re looking to get out of your free trial…

Should Men Consider Dating Older Women?
Covering an article from OKCupid that makes an argument using statistics that suggests men should consider dating older women.

What Is The Price Of Chemistry.com Subscriptions?
Covering the pricing of Chemsitry.com and some other details on signing up at the dating site.

Can You Get A Second Chance After A Bad First Date?
If you have a bad first date, is there any way to recover and have a second date? Bad first dates are difficult to get past but there are some steps you can take to help your situation.

Who Should Pay On The First Date?
At one time, this question may have not even been asked. However, times change and many men (and some women) find themselves wondering: who does pay on a first date?

Is Silence Rejection With Online Dating?
Often after contacting people for the first time on a dating service, there is never a response. Is this lack of response a rejection?

eharmony Is Giving Me No Matches
I’ve signed up for eHarmony but they’re not giving me any matches! What gives?

Should I Lose Weight Before Dating Online?
Should losing weight (or any other personal change) be a requirement before someone signs up for an online dating service?

New To Dating Online: Where Should I Start?
How should someone brand new to online dating approaching beginning this process?

Does Your Dating Profile Photo Say What You Think It Does?
Many times we select our profile photo and believe that it sends one message when it actually tells the people viewing it a very different story. Is your photo at risk for this problem?

If I Am Shy Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile?
Should a shy person point out this quality in their dating profile? Sometimes this may be the best approach but often it is not. Find out why.

What Is The Price Of Eharmony Subscriptions?
Discussing the pricing model of eHarmony along with some promotions available at the service.

Do Cheesy Pick Up Lines Really Work?
Do bad pick-up lines really work or are they just a great way to embarrass yourself?

Are Niche Dating Sites Worth My Time Or Money?
Niche dating sites have far fewer members than the big dating sites so this means they must be less valuable, right? Not always!

Why Are People Rejected By eHarmony?
I was rejected by eHarmony! Why would this happen? Is there anything someone can do if they’ve been rejected by the service?

Should I Email Again If My First Gets No Response?
If you contact someone for the first time but they don’t reply, is there any hope of getting a response by sending another email?

When Should I Give My Phone Number?
Should phone numbers be exchanged when dating online and, if so, when should this be happening?

Why Desperation Is So Unattractive?
A discussion of desperation and why this attitude is so unattractive. Displaying this quality is often one of the most damaging things you could do for your dating life.

Dating Services How Long Should I Sign Up For?
What is the best amount of time to sign up for at a dating service? The longer plans cost less in the long run but does this make these plans the best choice?

Is Online Dating Worth It?
Is online dating worth the time and/or money that it requires? Arguments on why online dating is not worth it are examined.

Is [Blank] A Good Topic For A First Date Conversations?
Many conversations are considered off limits on a first date while others are considered fair to ask. How do you decide which is which?

5 Love Languages: Learn Your Language

Brad — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:00:09 +0000

A few months ago I reviewed The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and as I mentioned in that post, I thought the book was great. I know that my relationship with my wife has been improved because of it.

Recently, I was contacted the publisher of this book and they wanted to let me know about their online test. This will allow anyone to quickly discover which love language is their most dominant. Discovering your love language is interesting but remember that learning the love language of your partner is at least as important! I remember that I wasn’t surprised by my love language but I was surprised by my wife’s.

This test will ask questions about you “husband” or your “wife” but just fill that in with “the person you are dating” or “when you are married…”. I know most of my visitors are still single but the test will still work fine! The test requests your email but you can take it without giving it. I provided my email when taking the test and all they’ve sent me so far is my results so I think it’s pretty safe to provide it. That said, you can get your results without doing so.

Here’s the test:

Should Men Consider Dating Older Women?

Brad — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 04:00:57 +0000

I’m really learning to love OKCupid more every day. As I’ve written here in the past, it is my recommended free dating service. Aside from offering a great free dating option, they’re the only service that offers substantial statistics on the dating habits of their members.

In some ways I believe these statistics aren’t going to tell the whole story as I believe the type of clientele will differ from service to service. As an example, this article I’m about to discuss shows how online dating drops off at older ages…at OKCupid. Sites like eHarmony have been seeing a boom in older age groups so I’m not sure the stats are universal. Still, they’re providing more information in a week than any other dating service provides in a year. In some ways, they’re writing the book on online dating statistics. Most articles I’ve seen in the last 6 months, whether it’s a major publication or a blog like mine, ends up pointing back to OKCupid.

The most recent article that caught my attention is A Case For An Older Woman. It’s a really long article but for anyone interested in dating statistics, it’s a great read. What the article points out is that as men grow older, they are more willing to date relatively younger women. I suspect most of us don’t need a chart to tell us this but here’s theirs anyway:

The article points out that men actually lie about the age range they’re willing to date. Men will concentrate on the low-bound of their age preferences and will actively contact women younger than their specified youngest preferable age. The desirability for women actually peaks at 21! Perhaps not shocking but it is young considering the age span dating at the site. The article then moves into its sales pitch on why men should be concentrating on dating older women arguing based on sex, attitude and looks. It then makes a pretty (no pun intended) good case by showing women of different ages in same attractiveness percentile.

I actually work with statistics for a living so I know you can make them say just about anything you want (hence my hesitation when dealing with OKCupid statistics, while at the same time loving that they provide said statistics). Even with that knowledge, I do think the article makes a good argument. One of the biggest self-imposed handicaps I see when talking to singles is that they refuse to contact all but a very small set of people. For men, this article makes a pretty good point that there is too much concentration on age and that if guys would just try talking to some different women they might be amazed at how much they would like those women.