10. Bald spot camouflage.
If you’re going bald don’t hide the fact under a cap. It’s not a character flaw and there’s no reason to be embarrassed by it. Besides, bald is the new sexy. So show skin with pride.

9. Saying you’re young at heart.
Generally only people over 40 years old say this and often it’s to compensate for being older. Age is not a defect. Just pick someone you can be comfortable growing old with, no matter what your age difference.

8. The “online but not desperate” defense.
So many profiles justify going online to find love when, in fact, millions of singles choose this as one of the most effective ways to meet people. So don’t justify – have fun with this often rewarding choice for a romantic connection.

7. Life is short and other platitudes.
Countless profiles say “loves to laugh, life is short, love sunsets”. Rather than state the obvious, talk about things that make you unique. If you must say you love to laugh then add what makes you laugh.

6. Listing honesty as a quality.
Being honest is not impressive, it’s basic. This is also true of being compassionate, courteous, and kind. If you’re satisfied with basics, you may not be asking enough of yourself or others. Instead, list your special qualities. Chances are you’ll attract others who aim high.

5. Focusing on flaws.
So many profiles say “not into drama or head games”. Instead of listing flaws you won’t tolerate, politely disengage from people who don’t appeal to you. If you feel someone’s playing you, delete them and move on to more positive experiences.

4. Buddies ‘n beer pics
It’s great that you have friends to fish, drink and take pictures with. However, a buddy picture is not a profile picture – keep the focus solely on you and smile warmly. Besides, do you really want to imply that you and your buddies are all looking for one soul mate?

3. If you don’t like to write, get off the site.
A lot of profiles say, “I don’t like to write about myself so ask what you want to know”. This puts the onus on the other person to do all the work. It can seem a lazy and anti-social. So If you’re not comfortalbe with the process, don’t date online.

2. Disses and misses.
Everyone’s had a bad experience with an ex or an unfortunate meeting with someone online. It’s best to put those disappointments behind you and not reference them on your profile. It can sound self-pitying and unforgiving. Instead, keep positive.

1. The headless woman pic.
On every dating site, there always seems to be at least one picture of a man standing next to a woman whose head has been torn off. Seriously guys. That’s just not going to win hearts.

Kate Houston is President and Founder of trysweettalk.com, one of the only online dating profile writing services to leverage subtle, but highly effective, ad techniques so that dating profiles stand out and compete among the millions out there.

Related posts:

1. Funny Dating Profiles
2. The Affects of Angle
3. How to Make Your Dating Profile Far More Interesting

I had a client whose original profile asserted, I love to cook. As a professional dating profile writer, I can tell you that about 80% of the profiles I read say the very same thing.

Eventually I learned this client not only loved to cook, she loved it so much she collected antique cookbooks. I also learned she was a truly unconventional woman in many respects. So, rather than keep, I love to cook, I began her profile with I have a recipe that says, “catch and pluck 10 chickens”. But, don’t worry, I don’t usually do what I’m told.”

My point is that your interests are not necessarily what make you interesting, it’s how those interests are manifested that make you interesting. For instance, I had a client who loved to travel – a fairly common interest. However, after probing further, I learned that she used to put on her mother’s high heels as a child then go in her parents’ vehicle and pretend she was driving. On her profile I wrote, When I was little, I’d put on heels, climb into our car and pretend I was driving. I don’t know why I wore heels but I do know that I still love to travel.

If you’re writing your dating profile yourself then be sure to do more than just list common interests. Instead, pick your main interests and bring them to life with an anecdote.

More Dating Profile Examples
Here are some other examples from dating profiles I’ve written that demonstrate how an interest can go from being commonplace to unique:

I love animals became I rescued a cat who was missing a tail. I adopted a terrier that was missing a leg. Though I’m not missing anything myself, I do have extra time for the right woman.

I like sci-fi because No one imitates Yoda the way I do.

Personally, I don’t think anyone can write their own profile as well as I can (insert shameless self-promotion!), but I do think that you can make your interests far more interesting by avoiding adjectives and lists in favor of anecdotes.

If you like, there’s a free personality quiz on my site that will help you uncover some of your more interesting traits. From there, you can weave these into your profile so that it becomes more engaging. Though I’m the first to admit that online dating success begins with your looks (shallow as that may be), what will clinch the deal is your profile. It’s the first impression people get of your personality so you need to make it count.

Kate Houston is President and Founder of trysweettalk.com, one of the only online dating profile writing services to leverage subtle, but highly effective, ad techniques so that dating profiles stand out and compete among the millions out there.

Related posts:

1. How Do I Write an Email to a Woman with Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?
2. Improve Profile Views with your Heading
3. Internet Dating: Profile Views vs. Actual Interest

• A story of two friends who find out the same man is sending them the same poetry and decide to have some fun with him but showing up together when next meeting him.

• How a woman ruined a date by blatantly (yet unnecessarily) revealing she was using a push-up bra
• A story that highlights why jumping into marriage can be a very painful prospect
• A man who explained to his date that he was divorced without ever revealing that he was also now remarried

The stories are broken into different categories (chapters) and include things like stories about online dating scams, dates from hell, dates who lie and manners when dating.

Who Would Enjoy This Book?

Overall, I found this book interesting and at points amusing but its non-traditional approach to advice makes it better for some singles than others. I see this book best serving those who are comfortable with dating and who are already finding dates. I recommend this because the book generally follows this format:

1. Each chapter starts out with some general advice based on the current topic

2. A story is told, normally as the date or relationship is beginning
3. At the end of the story, the authors then offer advice based on how the single handled the situation (although some stories end without additional advice)
4. More stories are told, again following the format described above

Concentrating on stories is a unique approach to online dating advice and can be entertaining. If you find reading others’ experiences interesting or helpful then it almost goes without saying that you could enjoy this book.

However, since the book is based on real dates the advice tends to begin at the point where the singles are already on their dates. Because of this, it provides little advice on improving methods for finding dates online or for working with different online dating services. This is something worth keeping in mind: if you are brand new to online dating, it is unlikely that this would be the first dating advice you would want to read. That being said, in some cases, telling stories to offer advice may provide a stronger way of delivering the advice than the more “traditional” methods. In particular, Chapter 7 which covers stories where people experience different dating scams, actually hearing how these scams work from the people who have experienced them makes the advice seem that much more effective.

Additionally, many of the stories themselves are racy, sometimes without adding a whole lot of advice. As a man, I don’t find myself frequently reading Cosmopolitan but I have picked it up from time to time when it has been on a coffee table within reach. Many of these stories reminded me of something I might see in the “Reader Submissions” section of a publication like that. That is to say, the stories can be entertaining but also surprisingly revealing and at times the story tellers can come off as shallow (especially some of the guys). It doesn’t make the stories bad but it might cause some of the chapters to be categorized as “guilty pleasure” reading. For example, in Chapter 6 which is “Online Frenzy of Love or Lust?”, a man talks for several pages about his sexual prowess and then his story just sort of ends. It isn’t clear what the reader is to take away from the story as far as advice goes. There is plenty of advice apparent in most stories but others are voyeuristic without much else.

Final Thoughts

The book is an easy to read because it is broken down into short, individual stories. Overall, I would categorize this book a mix of entertaining/interesting stories with some advice thrown in. I think many singles would find the book engaging but not all would find it helpful, especially those new to the online dating game. I would have also liked to see each chapter include a few success stories to show those who got things right. Many chapters did this but as someone who is frequently arguing that online dating is worth the time and effort it takes, I wouldn’t have minded seeing additional stories that back this up!

Finally, if you are the type of person who enjoys the “guilty pleasure” reading of seeing into other peoples’ lives (sometimes with intimate details) you could enjoy this book, even if you weren’t dating online.

Related posts:

1. Book Review: The Five Love Languages
2. Learning to Love Online Dating
3. 5 Love Languages: Learn Your Language

If you are conversing with someone via email (regardless of who initiates the conversation) and you respond with a short paragraph and question and they always responds with one or two sentences, does this mean that they are really not interested. If asked a question I answer the question plus give some background and ask another question. A few times I have run across men who answer the question and that’s it. Even if I ask Why questions.

Photo by Eleaf

Here are a few ideas:

• They may have bad social skills. Some people enjoy talking about themselves but then forget that it’s polite to create an actual conversation. They might actually think that you two are having a good conversation because they love being asked questions about themselves.

• They may be shy. I’m a shy guy and when I first started dating online I was always worried about the next step I should be taking and in some cases, wouldn’t take any steps at all.
• They might actually be interested. A lot of the dating advice out there for men says that if you are interested in the woman, pretend that you are not interested. I think this advice sucks but apparently most of the other dating advice givers disagree with me.
• They might be interested in you but more interested in someone else they are talking to.
• They might not be interested.

There are other reasons but this list gives you an idea of the different reasons this can happen. In this situation, though, I believe the real question here is:

How do I fix this?

• Pick something they should have an obvious interest in based on their profile and ask something that should take a detailed response. For example, if they listed liking the TV show Lost in their profile you might work something like this into your email: “What do you think the last episode of Lost really meant?”

• This is riskier but you can try disagreeing with something they listed as liking. Something like “I thought Lost was okay the first season but after that it really went downhill”. The goal here is to get them passionate about the conversation and then to change it to topics of more substance later.
• You can ask them out or hint at getting together. You can be vague or direct although I would recommend guys go with being direct. For the ladies, something like “I hear there’s a free concert at such-and-such next weekend” might encourage him to ask you out. Ladies can also be direct and ask him if he would like to meet.
• You can try to move the conversation to instant messenger or the phone. If it were me, I would move it to instant messenger first but that’s just my preference (I’d recommend creating a separate IM account just for your dating if you decide to do this).

Now after a while, I think there comes a point where you will just need to decide to move on if a they are consistently unresponsive. At some point, the one-line responses just are not worth the effort!

Related posts:

1. Should I Email Again If My First Gets No Response?
2. Internet Dating: Profile Views vs. Actual Interest
3. How Do I Write an Email to a Woman with Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?

Photo by °Florian

Apologizing in First Emails

For whatever reason, some people see apologizing as the preferred way to start an email. It will often begin something like “Sorry to bother you…” or “I’m sure you get lots of emails so sorry if…”. It isn’t always as direct as this and sometimes it is more about the attitude shown in the email than the words. For example, including a comment on understanding if they don’t have time to get back to you sends the same message.

If you need reasons why this is a bad idea…

• Your first email should be short. Most people agree with this, although different people have different theories on why short works best. Regardless, if you agree with the idea that first contact should be short, why waste valuable space with apologies?

• Apologies are unattractive. It is no secret that, generally speaking, women prefer their men to be assertive. While I don’t buy into the idea guys can only be successful if they have massive amounts of confidence, I do believe that including insecurity in your first contact is a great way to get no response. Ladies aren’t immune from the habit of apologizing either and it is just as destructive: guys don’t want someone who is going to cling to them or fall apart if the first date doesn’t work out.
• There is no need to apologize! I was once on a first date where she apologized over just about everything: if she set her glass down too quickly, if we started talking at the same time, if she coughed…it got really bad near the end. I excused myself to use the restroom and somehow she ended up apologizing for it. I cannot think of one thing she apologized for that deserved an apology. At any rate, the thing I remember most about that date is all the apologizing. You do not want this to be you, whether you are on a first date or sending your first email.

Making Excuses in First Emails

Similar to apologizing in first emails, another habit that some people have is where they feel like they need to explain exactly why they decided to contact someone. As an example, someone might start an email like the following: “Since we both like such-and-such I thought I would drop you a line”. While this isn’t as bad as apologizing it simply isn’t necessary! Additionally, all of the reasons why apologizing is a bad idea can be applied to making excuses as well.

Listen: you are using an online dating site. Communication is something you should be doing. You don’t need to provide an excuse or reason why you are contacting them. If you have a lot in common, they are going to see that when they read your profile.

Now to be clear, it is fine to comment on a shared interest or a similarity in your first email. It is totally acceptable to mention that you too love a particular show or book or hobby. Things go wrong when you use that shared interest as an explanation for why you are contacting them. In other words:

This is fine: “I love the outdoors too! Have you ever visited Yellowstone?”
This is not: “I saw your profile and thought since you like the outdoors I should probably contact you”

Watch Your First Emails

You may be thinking that you would never apologize or make an excuse in a first email but still, be careful! Some services (like eHarmony, Chemistry, etc) will protect you from making this mistake because the communication is more controlled but most other services do provide you the opportunity to make this mistake, unconsciously or otherwise. You want to make a good first impression and apologizing or excuses only harm your first impression. I can’t imagine anyone has ended up on a first date because of their excellent ability to apologize when no apology was required.

Related posts:

1. How to Use VIP Emails at Match.com
2. Should a Woman Initiate the Emails in Online Dating?
3. Online Dating: What Your Emails Should NOT Look Like

Photo by ground.zero

1. The people who have never tried online dating
2. The people who have tried online dating but have taken the wrong approach
3. The people who are really not made for online dating

It is my opinion that the people who fall into the third category are few and far between but that many people who fall into the first two categories actually believe they are in the third.

I believe the following challenge can reveal if online dating can work in general and also if you are someone who could benefit from using it. Most people will NOT be able to complete this challenge, mostly because of the communication requirements. Still, if you can make it through these 10 brief days and actually follow the rules I believe you will see the value in dating online. This challenge is not meant to ensure you meet that special someone in 10 days (although that can happen – I was the first person my wife met dating online). Instead, the challenge is meant to show that with the right outlook, online dating can be fun even lacking monumental success.

The 10-Day Online Dating Challenge

Photo by Izzard

Just remember: you need to follow the rules. If you only contact 5 people in 10 days or if you never ask anyone out on a date, you’re hardly experiencing what online dating has to offer.

Update July 2010: I didn’t realize this when I first wrote this article but you have to provide a credit card to take advantage of the Match.com free trial. I believe this is to prevent people from using the free trial period multiple times. If you only want to take advantage of your free time using the service, be sure to cancel before the end of your seventh day. I still believe that this challenge is worth taking if you are on the fence about online dating but it does require this additional step. If you do not cancel, they are automatically going to start billing you as a subscriber.

Related posts:

1. An Introduction to Online Dating
2. Should a Woman Initiate the Emails in Online Dating?
3. Using Online Dating Advice Intelligently

One video I really liked was about safety when dating online. The advice here was good and I really like the advice given regarding dating people who are closer to you (it’s an aspect I never considered). Here’s that video:

Another video I found interesting was on first date do’s and don’ts. It wasn’t so much because I agreed with it but more that I found some of the opinions expressed to be interesting. I’m not sure if the speaker in this video is actually saying “don’t talk about your job, don’t talk about dating, your cat, your family…” or if she is saying she was making fun of books that suggested not talking about those things. I had amazing success talking about dating when I was dating online because it helped us connect very quickly and sharing horror stories was fun. Also, I think I talked about many of these topics on my first date with the woman who would become my wife and that date went great.

So…yeah, I think there are areas that you shouldn’t talk about but I’m going to say things like your job, your family and your cat can all be on the table. Discussions on dating should also allowable if you are meeting through an online dating service. I agree, you shouldn’t turn the date into some type of therapy session but if we’re going to learn about each other we’re going to have to reveal something of substance at some point! Here’s the do’s and don’ts video:

There’s plenty of other videos to watch, all of which I found interesting sometimes if only for a few of the characters in them!

Related posts:

1. How to Make Your Dating Profile Far More Interesting
2. How Do I Write an Email to a Woman with Nothing Interesting in Her Profile?
3. Interesting Online Dating Statistics

photo by BrunkfordBraun

Well, recently I was talking about How About We…, a new dating service where you find dates based on first date ideas instead of traditional profiles. My only complaint about the site today is that it is limited to those located in New York City. I initially thought that while interesting, this dating service would not be very useful to the majority of my readers.

However, the more I thought about it the more I realized that this service is more than just singles looking to date: it is also a huge list of great first date ideas from other singles who are concentrating on offering unique dating ideas. I read ideas on the site for perhaps 15 minutes and the first date suggestions I was seeing there were far more unique than most of the dating lists you will find online. The big difference is instead of reading a list by one person, you are seeing each individual’s best date idea.

Viewing Dating Ideas

To view date ideas on How About We…, you will need to change your zip code on your account to one in New York City. Once you do that, you’ll be able to see dating ideas posted by other singles. However, once you are done viewing the dating ideas be sure to change your zip code back. There are two reasons for this. First, you don’t want your profile to show to people who can’t even date you (those who are actually using the site to meet people). Second, when the service does become available for other areas you’ll want your account to be set to where you actually live.

Now hopefully How About We… will be available to everyone soon but until then don’t assume the site offers no value at all to those outside of NYC. Even if you can’t officially use the service you can still find some of the best dating ideas around.

Related posts:

1. Phone Calls After the First Date
2. How About We…Look at a Unique Dating Site
3. Pittsburgh Date Ideas

Lately I’ve been thinking about my online dating guide, particularly how it continues to grow and how all the information might be overwhelming to someone new to online dating.

With that in mind, I’ve put together the following checklist that provides dating suggestions at a very high level based on the advice I provide in my dating guide. Where my guide goes into great detail into each area, this list keeps things simple for quick review.

This list is broken down into the major areas of online date: beginning dating online, creating your online dating profile, the communication process, meeting and your first date and, finally, continuing dating online. Each of these sections contains information on how you should approach that phase of online dating. If you are interested in learning more about any of these topics be sure to check out my guide.

Section 1: As You Begin

1. Mentally Prepare Yourself for Real Work
Many believe that online dating will make meeting someone great extremely simple. This is not the case. You will either work at it or you will get lucky. Just because everyone is single doesn’t mean Mr. or Ms. Right is going to fall into your lap.

2. Try the Free Version of Several Sites
Do not choose a dating service based on the commercials you see the most or on what service your friends have used. Sign up for several services and use whatever free options are available to decide what will work best for you. And always use a free service like OkCupid.

3. Be Open to Dating Many People at Once
Why do so many people resist this idea? You need to do this. It is not an issue of quantity vs. quality. It’s an issue of using quantity to find quality. It also helps those new to dating become comfortable, thus reducing nervousness (and bad dates).

Section 2: Your Dating Profile

4. Create a Profile that is Both Concise and Informative
Statements like “I like hanging out” add nothing to your profile. Do not generalize. Describe in detail who you are, what you like and who you are looking for. In this case, it is an issue of quality over quantity.

5. Avoid Excessive Attempts to Be Funny
If you are trying to be funny instead of trying to be informative you will most often be hurting your profile. There will be plenty of time to show your humor once you’ve met. Natural funniness is great but don’t try to prove anything. Avoid sarcasm at all costs.

6. Stay Positive
You need to stay positive in your profile. People love to beat themselves up and say things like “I can’t believe I’m doing this”. Don’t be that person and don’t use your profile as a new way to complain about your life. It is unattractive.

7. Include a Photo in your Dating Profile
You need to have one. You do not necessarily need to show it to the entire world if your service provides options on who can view your photo but you need to have one.

8. Do Not “Beg” For Contact
Do not use comments like these: “If you like my profile please contact me!” or “I’d be totally flattered if you decide to contact me for some reason”. People know how online dating works. Don’t make yourself look desperate by explaining what they should do if they like you.

9. Your Profile Heading
Don’t stress about it. Most profile headings are boring and yet these people are still having success. After all my time dating online, I can’t think of a single profile heading that stood enough for me to remember now.

10. You Need to be Honest
Many people make excuses for “white” lies in their profile. Lying in your profile may help in the short-term but will hurt in the long-term. What good is increasing your number of first dates if they all end there because you lied about your weight, height, age, etc?

11. Check Your Spelling
It seems this should go without saying but log on to your favorite dating site and review some profiles and you will realize it isn’t as obvious as it should be. The one exception would be MySpace where correct spelling is frowned up (Just joking!)

12. Get A Profile Review
Have a friend review your profile, both your text and photos. It is very common for people to use a photo thinking it says one thing about them while it is actually telling a very different story.

Section 3: Communicating

13. Keep Your First Email Short
Sell yourself in your profile, not your first email. The email should just be the tool to show interest and to get your profile viewed. Emails are just profile bait in the beginning.

14. Use Winking Appropriately
Guys, do not wink. Sorry but you need to write emails. I know, life is so unfair. Ladies, you can wink to your heart’s content but you can feel free to email as well. Yes, life is unfair.

15. Respond to Winks Appropriately
Guys: don’t bring up the fact that she winked, just email her if you are interested. Act like you started the conversation. Ladies: if you are fine with taking the lead then email him back. If you prefer your man take the lead just wink back.

16. Accept that Responses Will, at Times, Be Lacking
You send out several emails and get no responses. This is very common and is not grounds to berate yourself. There are many reasons why people do not respond. Concentrate on new people to contact not on people you’ve already contacted.

17. Ask for the First Date Sooner Rather than Later
By the third email an attempt to meet should be made. If you are a woman who prefers to wait for him to ask, you should be offering some encouragement to meet by the third email. You will learn more about someone in the first 10 minutes of a date than you will in weeks of emails, chat sessions or even phone conversations.

18. Seriously, Meeting matters
I just want to reiterate: with online dating your goal is to meet people, not chat with them online. The sooner you meet the sooner you’ll recognize a potentially bad relationship, the quicker you’ll be able to end things with that person. This, in turn, allows you to concentrate of finding the right person.

Section 4: The First Date

19. Keep Your Safety in Mind
Online dating is not dangerous but any situation where you are meeting new people, whether at a bar or online, should be handled with the appropriate amount of caution and intelligence. Think safe, public places and low amounts of alcohol.

20. Review Your Date’s Profile Shortly Before Your Date
Plenty of reasons for this: improve conversations on similar interests, avoid asking questions already answered in the profile, recalling exactly who you’re meeting if you’re dating multiple people, and so on.

21. Schedule Your First Date to be Short
Limit the length of your first date ahead of time. I went with an hour. Explain to your date you’ll only be available for that amount of time. This is protection against bad dates which do happen. This allows you to leave a bad date gracefully.

22. Extend Your Good Dates
Be willing to extend the good dates past the set time. Simply explain to your date that you would prefer to spend more time with them and ask if they have additional time to spend together. What you are telling your date is that things are going great and that you would like to spend more time with them. Delivering this type of message goes over very well and I have seen rather shy dates gain confidence in leaps and bounds just by stating that I would like to extend the date.

23. You Need to be Comfortable
Comfort was the most important factor to my success dating online. Many argue that confidence is the key but for most of us this “confidence” is just an act. Instead, I ensured that I was as comfortable as possible: comfortable with the facts I knew about them, comfortable with where and when we were meeting, etc. My increased comfort led to their increased comfort which led to better first dates.

24. Prepare Your First Date Conversations Ahead of Time
This is not “cheating”. Some people want to rely entirely on chemistry but not every relationship begins with the two of you unable to stop speaking. Sometimes nervousness or hesitation creates a situation where a good conversation is hard to find. Have a script prepared in your mind to help avoid this.

25. Do Not Insist on Sticking with a Script
Preparing a script is a good idea to get the conversation going but should be thrown out when the conversation takes a life of its own. If you stick with a script exclusively you can appear to be putting your date on trial or can appear to be uninterested in what they are sharing. Allow the date conversations to move naturally once you are able to.

Section 5: Continuing to Date Online

26. Be Aware of Online Dating Scams
They do exist and you need to be aware of them. Generally, if money enters the picture (no matter how) you could very well be dealing with a scammer.

27. Share Your Online Dating Experiences with Friends
Don’t bottle everything up. Be open with friends about the frustrations and successes of online dating. Not only can they encourage you, recognizing you are actively dating will cause many people to start trying to find dates for you!

28. Read Additional Advice
I like my advice because it worked so well for me. That said, reading additional advice is always a good idea. What worked for me may not be exactly what works best for you.

29. Be Wary of Advice Too Good to be True
Just like get-rich-quick plans, get-love-fast plans very rarely work. Be wary of advice that makes online dating sound simple but also has a price tag attached to it. Be especially cautious of advice that uses terms like “seduction” overly often.

30. Commit to Your Dating Life
All the advice in the world won’t matter if you don’t keep trying. Commit to date online for a set amount of time and keep your commitment. I would recommend committing to 6 months but you will need to decide what is best for you.

Related posts:

1. An Introduction to Online Dating
2. Using Online Dating Advice Intelligently
3. Avoiding Awkward Conversations On A First Date

So Why Aren’t the Free Sites “Winning”?

Many of the free dating services offer features that are as good as or even better than features offered by the pay sites. The free sites have plenty of other singles to choose from and most of them truly are 100% free. So why are the pay sites still some of the most popular? Here I’ll present three reasons that I believe that pay sites are still very popular and why I believe they are providing singles with more success.

Photo by cmpalmer

Less Spam
Anyone can create an account on a free service and be communicating in a matter of minutes, regardless of whether they are serious about dating or not. As I have talked about repeatedly in the past, one of the biggest drawbacks of the free sites is the fact that many men will spam the women one the free sites because of the simplicity of doing so. On a pay site users can be reported and removed. Removing someone from a free site simply means they need to spend a few minutes creating a new account. Spam on free dating sites both masks the real communication from serious singles and drives away those who find it too aggravating.

Perceived Value
Finally, there is the issue of perceived value. Many singles unfamiliar with online dating would never try a free service because they assume the fact that it is free will make it an inferior service. Many of these people never even look into the free online dating sites. Some will even do the exact opposite: find the most expensive service with the belief that paying more means a better chance of finding a relationship. As a personal example of how perceived value is something most of us exercise every day, a few years ago my wife started her photography business. When she first started she had her prices very low because she was hoping to grow her portfolio. Eventually she raised her prices and even though her photos and marketing didn’t change, the amount of contacts she received went up! The same service sold better at a higher price and I believe that online dating, for some people, works the same way.

Free Dating Sites vs. Pay Dating Sites

My experience, the experience of my personal friends and the experience of the singles I talk to through this site all suggest that pay sites are providing a far greater rate of success than the free ones. While I can relate to the idea that a solid free dating site should drive the pay sites out of business, from what I see there appears to be no chance that this will be happening…at least not any time soon. The greatest benefit that pays sites may offer is the simple fact that you must pay for them!

All that being said, my opinion has always been that you should always use a free dating site even when you’re using a pay service as well. Just because I see the value they offer as less doesn’t mean I believe that free dating sites aren’t valuable. If all you can afford is a free service then by all means continue using it! If you are subscribing to a site like Match.com or eHarmony but aren’t using a free site as well, I see this as a mistake.

Related posts:

1. The Cost of Free Dating Services
2. Dating Services: How Long Should I Sign Up For?
3. Finding Good Deals for Online Dating Services