Comments on: My Boyfriend Has Kept His Online Dating Profile Active

By: Brad

Brad — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:24:20 +0000

I’d love to hear what others think but my thoughts are that if he’s hiding his profile, that’s a very positive sign. As for why there’s still activity on a hidden account, maybe he’s checking on you…or maybe not. I really can only guess but I do think hiding the profile is a great first step.

By: Margie

Margie — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 06:14:47 +0000

I’d appreciate some advice… My story is somewhat different from the others in that he and I live in different states. Met on fitness-singles. Emailed for two months. Scheduled a visit to see me. Prior to his visit, my subscription ended, so I hid my profile so as not to get any more emails, though I did get some from previous corresponders. I logged in now and then, and noticed for about a week his was still on. Another week goes by and his profile is gone. Clearly hidden. Though I’ve noticed he was still active. I can still see his profile because we’ve emailed and that’s how fitness-singles works. So then I got to checking his activity, while I was hidden. Silly cat and mouse. What do you make of that? I know why mine is hidden and active now – checking on his activity. I wonder why his is hidden and active… any ideas other than he could be doing the same as I am? I have deactivated my profile, so what he sees of me is ‘no longer a member’, and he cannot see that I have logged in.

Anyway, we finally met in my state a couple of weekends ago. He stayed at a hotel; though that did not stop the ‘intimacy’ after a couple of dates. Now I feel like such an idiot because he’s been back for a week and has contacted me only by email 3 times, no phone call. This is his typical MO from before we met, I just thought after meeting, claiming he had a great time, wants me to visit, wants to come back that he would contact more. I want to add he has been a perfect gentleman (he’s late 40s, I’m early 50s), emails always proper, but in person is more fun and engaging. So I dont get it, other than to assume he’s just not that into me. I’d be OK with that, just want it defined. Part of me wonders if he’s following my lead; he knows I’m not into rushing things, not interested in marriage. Thoughts anyone?

By: Brenda

Brenda — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:40:41 +0000

I am currently going through what everyone on here has. This is the third guy I have dated that has done this. I am about ready to confront him about it when he comes down this weekend. He should not be surprised after all he is the one who said he would delete his. I just reactivated mine. I am waiting to see if he says anything about it.

By: Alexa

Alexa — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 00:22:01 +0000

I’m in a similar situation. I met a guy a year ago off match.com. For about 7-8 months it was on and off. We went a great mount of time not seeing each other or talking. Over the summer we just randomly stopped talking. This past September he initiated contact and we have been dating ever since. We talk on the phone every day and see each other 2-3 times a week. In November I texted him and told him I really liked him and needed to know if he saw this going somewhere. He said he really liked me too and that he was going with the flow. He said he is always busy and tired from work ( which he is ) , but would like to see each other more and see where it goes. I asked if he was dating anyone else and he said no. I told him I wasn’t seeing anyone else either. I assumed after this conversion we were exclusive. The past three weeks he has been extremely busy ( more than usual) and I have only seen him once. Some friends suggested that maybe he was dating other girls and recommended I check if he was still on match. I reactivated my account yesterday, and looked him up, and sure enough he had logged on the day before. I checked again and he was online again today. Im so heartbroken since we have known each other for almost a year now. I’m debating whether or not I should end all contact with him and just walk away, or if I should have a talk with him in person and let him explain himself. I feel as though I’ve been very patient with having a “title” and don’t think I should have to wait any longer.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:03:51 +0000

I confronted my ex-boyfriend, I saw it in Oct 2007 and again March 2009 and again Sep 2010, I kept ignoring them and cried myself to sleep till Christmas day 2011, I saw his emails to women on click & flirt, I confronted him and left him, He says I am the problem not him, but I am sorry he is the problem not me.

Once a cheater always a cheater.

People like that are selfish, arrogant, users, I feel he used me as he could not find anyone else to stay long enough with him and tolerate him. I did, but now I rather be alone than be used.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:21:29 +0000

I hate to say it but I am glad that I am not the only one to have been in this horrible position. I will keep it short and just say I spent the last year getting jerked around by a guy who claimed “computer inadequacy”, not knowing how to end the service…”his friends signed him up”…and most recently, after watching for a solid month and seeing him “online now” or “active within 24 hours” he lied to my face and told me he hadn’t even been on the site in over three weeks. Ladies, this is just pitiful. We are strong and wonderful creatures so can we please start to act like it? This goes for me, too. After all, in my mind it is much, much better to be single and happy than to be with someone who makes you feel inadequate, insecure and overall lonely.

By: Eliska

Eliska — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 12:20:36 +0000

After my emotional abusive ex broke up with me I looked into his emails as I thought there was more to it . We lived together for two years .

Anyway I saw an email he and his friend were sending eachother . The subject ” The Plan ” my ex is 31 and his friend is 40 something .

At this dating site you send ” kisses ” to show your interest and he said he already sent 6 and then made some lame joke . And how he has to man up and give me the breakup speech . His friend said ” she has no respect , show her the exit door ” I found his profile and from what I think , he had it since we were dating .

He met the ex before me on there and I asked him which one they met on and he said he forgot . Sure . And he always deleted his browser history .

And it IS cheating if they do it , emotional cheating .

By: Jo

Jo — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 13:17:22 +0000

I’m in the same boat. I’m dating this guy for 2 months and it was him who started the girlfriend / boyfriend talk and just before I went on a Christmas Holiday I found out that he has a profile on PoF! I didn’t confront him but I was checking daily if he’s online. You don’t need open up an account to do so. He wasn’t an active member when I found his account but he’s been online once before went on hols and twice since I’m on vacation and the worst part is that on his profile he states that he’s single and looking for a long term relationship. Obviously not updated since we’re “exclusive” – however, we are now so I expect his profile to be deleted.
Also, just before I left the city we chatted on FB and I asked him about changing his relationship status from Single to In a relationship but he ignored me, then I asked him again and he said he’ll do but he doesn’t know how… says the guy who’s a computer geek!

I’m about to see him again tomorrow when I get back from vacation and I’d really LOVE to confront him with this shit when he’s in the car driving but I don’t know how to start.
Him being on this dating website only shows me that he’s not really committed and I feel fooled, it hurts and it’s so disrespectful!
I really just wanna punch him the face!!!

By: Brad

Brad — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:06:38 +0000

Sassyasscass – first, I don’t think we should just write this off as how a man’s brain is built. I’m not a psychologist but I’ve seen men that I’ve considered to be “players” become totally committed when they met the right woman. If I went browsing on dating site, my wife would punch me in the nose (and I support her in that decision).

I also don’t support the “just browsing” argument. Why look at real people in your area and be tempted to contact them? If it’s just about looking at women wouldn’t it be better to go buy an issue of Maxim or something? Not that this is a perfect solution for the woman that prefers that her guy not do this, but it’s a heck of a lot better than going on a dating site.

And yeah, if he’s logging into multiple dating sites I think that’s a really bad sign. There are issues with Match.com where if he were to open an email it can show him logged in without his know but…explaining away three different services is about impossible to do.

By: sassyasscass

sassyasscass — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 16:12:36 +0000

Ok, while I’m still obsessing over this I noticed he signed in to not just one, but THREE dating sites yesterday. I think I just found my answer, as hard as it is to swallow.