Is Online Dating Worth It?
Recently I started offering dating advice through Yahoo! Answers. If you’re not familiar with Yahoo! Answers, it is a community where you earn points by answering questions and spend points to ask questions. The questions can be anything at all. There are plenty of people asking online dating questions so I check it out every now and again. It’s been interesting seeing what people are curious about and I’ve even been able to help a few people out.
By far, the most frequently asked question I’ve seen is: “Is online dating worth it?” That question actually means one of two things depending on the person asking:
- Is online dating worth paying for?
- Does online dating lead to successful relationships?
Some people ask their question in such a way that they concentrate on the cost but it really comes down to the same thing: if they knew they would meet someone great, they wouldn’t worry about the cost at all.
So, is it worth it?
My answer should be obvious considering I have a blog dedicated to online dating! Just in case you haven’t picked up on it, yes, I think it is worth the money and the time. I also know that it does lead to successful relationships. While there are plenty of people on Yahoo! Answers who agree with me, just as many disagree. I find that most of the people supporting the idea of online dating mention some success using it. The answers from those who are against online dating, on the other hand, often have qualities I find both amusing and annoying at the same time. Those qualities are:
- They rarely mention if they’ve tried online dating or if they do mention it they are very vague
- They have a tendency to demean the idea of online dating without offering any substance as to why they are against it
- They avoid punctuation, capitalization and, on occasions, appear to make up their own words
- They suggest that people you meet online are only interested in a) sex or b) killing you
Most of the advice offered by people who are against online dating is worthless. For example, if someone thought online dating was horrible and shared examples why, that would be great and would have some value. You don’t see that, though. You just see answers like “online dating iz dangerus!!!”
Arguments for Online Dating
There seems to be some unspoken rule on Yahoo! Answers that you answer the question asked; you don’t respond to other people answering. I follow this rule even when I’d love to ask some of the anti-online dating people how they formed their opinions. With that in mind, instead of making general arguments for online dating I am going to counter a few of the answers I’ve seen. The following are samples of Yahoo! Answers given to the question “Is online dating worth it?” followed by my thoughts on the advice offered. I’m not cherry-picking my examples – there are plenty of examples like these to choose from.
Answer 1
save your money.. ask friends if they know anyone that is single that you might be interested in or if your good with conversation just start talking to people when you go to the landrymat or bookstore etc…
- First off, the idea of letting your friends and family know you are single-and-looking is a good thing (as long as it’s not the only thing). But the assumption that doing this is going to cause dates to flood in is ridiculous.
- As for just going out and meeting people: this basically says go wander around your town to different establishments until you happen to strike up a conversation. Hopefully after a few of these conversations you’ll actually talk to someone who is single. This type of advice will work for someone who wants to date anyone. But wouldn’t it be nice to meet someone with qualities you are actually looking for? If meeting anyone just to avoid being alone is the answer, why not institute arranged marriages? Am I the only one who notices many relationships are not working today? Is there a chance part of the problem is that some of us actually believe that meeting anyone is the solution?
Answer 2
Why don’t you just go out and meet real people in your town. It will save you a lot of money.
- People on the internet are as real as the people in your town.
- I’m not convinced you save money by going out. To me, the words “going out” inherently involve me spending money in some fashion. That said, I have tried this. There were several times when I was single where I would buy a coffee just so I could be social somewhere secretly hoping to meet someone. If you go to a bar with the hopes of meeting someone, you are paying even more. If you went out for a few beers or coffee every week over a month’s time, you might not spend as much as the cost of a dating service but it would be close enough to make your actions questionable.
Answer 3
NO!!! just find someone on ur own and the person will love you cuzz they actually know u..
I have no idea where to begin with Answer 3 so I’m just leaving that one alone.
I like Yahoo! Answers but the system appears to encourage people to answer questions they know very little about. Many people, it would appear, are far more interested in hearing people talk about the questions they want to ask and, thus, they have to answer questions so they can ask there own.
Believe what you want but one fact cannot be denied: online dating is only getting more popular. There is a good reason for that: it works.
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Brad is a happily married man that found great success (and his wife!) using online dating. He now shares his thoughts and experiences, on this site and in his free online dating guide, to assist others in finding success. 
[...] Case For Online Dating A blog dedicated to online dating makes the case for online dating. But despite the obvious bias, the article makes good points on why a lot of the [...]
I guess I could answer it. I didn't simply because they made no argument to defend their position and then offered thoughts that are obviously exaggerations.
Anyway, here are my thoughts: First, using online dating is finding someone on your own. The biggest mistake many people make going into online dating is that it's going be super easy. It's not…or at least it isn't very often. Second, you can find love online. The idea that someone will only love you if they “know” seems to suggest that you should only date people you already “know”. If online dating helps you get to “know” new people, isn't that helping to solve the problem? The answer seems to imply that you'll never really “know” someone you meet online…I think?
My wife loves me but since we met online should I question that love? Of course not. A big problem I have with answers like these is they make no effort to build their case. “You're stupid for even thinking this and I'm not going to tell you why” is a pretty common answer at the site. If the answerer had said “no find someone offline who will luv you and here's why…” at least a case would have been made.
why not answer #3?
Online dating is worthless for the vast majority of men. For several reasons.
First, the average woman on any given dating site gets inundated with mail/messages from men. If you are one of those men, chances are very good you’ll get filtered out unless you are absolutely an alpha male or top-drawer material.
Not surprisingly, this dynamic puts women in the driver’s seat when it comes to online dating. They themselves don’t necessarily have anything to offer, but you’d better have the goods and then some before they’ll deign to give you the time of day.
Second, many women use free dating sites to get attention and ego strokes. They have no intention of reciprocating in any meaningful fashion.
And women who use paid dating sites expect a great deal for their money. That is, they think their $29.95 per month membership fees will deliver them a guy who makes $150K+ per year, drives a top-end BMW, has a small mansion at least, and has a six-pack to boot. And that’s only if he meets their stringent and wildly unrealistic standards to begin with.
Hey Steve – I can’t really bring myself to agree with your opinions. I think you must be meeting the wrong women if you really believe everything you wrote. There are plenty of men having success and there are many (many, many) women who are far more interested in finding a great relationship than they are in “stroking their egos” or finding someone with a BMW and a six pack.
Maybe you’ve been burned but I promise you this: I talk to a lot of women regarding dating advice by running this site and the overwhelming impression I get from them is a true desire to find love.
Brad,
Maybe you should check out plentyoffish.com or connectingsingles.com to find out what the women are like there. Singlesnet, for instance, is another dating site I’ve tried and found to be rife with scammers and flaky women. I have tried these sites (and many of the big-name, supposedly more reputable ones), and had zero results.
I don’t think the problem is me, it’s the low quality of women who frequent those sites.
You know, one thing I’ve learned in my travels is that women say one thing and do another.
I think we’re just gong to have to disagree on this one Steve. I mean, I met my wife at an online dating site so I’m living proof that it isn’t as universally bad as you suggest. Even before meeting my wife, the women I met never left me feeling that things didn’t work out because of the size of my pocketbook or the appearance of my stomach. Did I have some lie to me? Sure. But for every woman I met where something went wrong there were five that went perfectly fine.
Also, I’ve shared my thoughts on Plenty of Fish more than a few times here and I am not a fan of that site. I’d recommend you check out OKCupid and see if things are any better at that site for you. You might also want to check out my article on why I think pay sites will continue to do well even though free options are available. Both of the sites you list as problematic are free and I have to wonder if that’s part of the problem (my experiences were based on using a pay service).
I met someone from Plenty of Fish. I will be more careful the next time. He was touchy/feely and wanted to explore. Sex obsessed. He would send me like 200 text messages a day. Really hard to get rid of on top of it.